DML

Your a smart bunch, she has no family. And I believe there are childhood issues surfacing as well. The hurting of animals has not been mentioned in over a year and I am confident she would not do it, she loves animals.

Pollara, tell me, how is it that my gf can come across as so normal? This is what i don t understand. My big fear is that she will meet someone else because she can seem so normal. Am I being selfish now as well?

I should clarify that she did not harm anything but herself. I asked a therapist why on earth she would want to harm our dog and they said because it was something she could control. With the loss of her step father she had no control. I am actually happy that she was able to recognize her thoughts and moved away. She has one of the cats and he is fine , actually doing well . I know our family doctor is sending her to a psychologist of some sort, but since we broke up she doesn t tell me much about these things. I am so glad you are not telling me to just walk away, I am a wreck wondering if she is ok most days. I haven t heard a word from her since Monday and I am starting to get concerned but I will wait until tomorrow and see if she texts me about dinner Saturday.

Thats actually how I found this forum. I was looking for ways to understand what she is going through. My friends cannot relate. One told me to just dump her and move on. But how do I do that when I am still in love with her and I know she is not well? I read your 12 steps to survival in another post and I do find that alot of them work. The best one is to be calm and act like everything is fine. The more needy I was the less I heard from her. It will take everything I have to stay calm around her . Thanks for your response KayC!

Hello Everyone, Last week I stumbled across this forum and realized how common my situation actually is. I will try to keep this as short as possible. Before I start I want to tell each and every one of you that I am so sorry for what you/we are going through and I wish us all the very best for the future. So almost 2 years ago my partner F, lost her father unexepectedly . It was extremely sad and undeserving. He was not her birth father but to her he was everything. There was some pretty nasty family bickering over the estate . My partner did not care about money or property as she only wanted him back. At this point in time we had been together approx 4 years, things were not perfect but were not horrible either. We still had fun and had many things in common. After the passing she withdrew. She would go to work , come home and get into bed and watch TV until she fell asleep. She stopped talking to me unless it was to tell me what not to do as it would remind her of her loss. Christmas came around and I got her whatever she had mentioned. She gave me the most bizarre items but I made the best of it. Two weeks later she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore. I was destroyed and I begged her to get some help as she was in deep depression. She agreed she needed something but did not know where to look. Luckily I have counselling available to me 24/7 through my works EAP program. I called and they set us up with a counsellor who dealt with death. When we arrived F told the counsellor that she didn t know who I was or remembered any of the things I had told her. She said she doesnt even know if she liked movies but since I had told her we used to go to movies she sort of believed it but was not sure . She told the counsellor to tell me to leave her alone . So the counsellor looked me in the eye and told me not to pressure F in any way. I was in complete shock.. this was alot worse than I expected, my partner did not know who I was. She refused to return to any counselling. I tried printing articles about grief and she just tossed them away. I found a grief group and she seemed to want to go , but never did. Then she told me she was having thoughts of hurting our animals, we had two dogs and three cats at the time. She was focused on one dog and one cat, ironically the ones whom she loved the most. Finally we went to the emergency department of our mental health hospital. She wanted to get better. We were expecting to talk and walk away with a prescription. Well it was a horrifying experience to say the least. They seperated us and lied to me saying they would giver her some meds. Then they told me they were keeping her . I said like hell they were. She came to me in tears and I did my best to convince them but they had law on their side. As they took her away she told me she hated me. I returned later that night with a toothbrush etc. She was civil to me but she did not belong there. It was one of the worst places I have ever seen, but thats another story. The next day they released her cuz she seemed " happier " and they said wasn t it great what a good nights sleep can do! I just shook my head and vowed to never ever return there . So then she decided that she wanted to be on her own and for the safety of the animals she was going to get her own apartment. And she did. So that meant that now I would have to move as I could not afford the rent alone. She moved into her new apartment in March but stayed with me until I moved at the end of May. I asked her if she would consider seeing our naturopath as she would no longer trust any doctor who could lock her up. She agreed and we had fantastic results. The naturopath gave her some supplements and she started feeling better with hours! I had moved about 30 mins away from her but she would come spend time at my place every week . Things were going well! The first anniversary passed and she was starting to become her old self again! However she had no recollection of breaking up with me 9 months before. She did not remember TV shows , or movies but I was just so happy to see her smiling and laughing again! So our plan was to eventually move back in together . Christmas came around again and it was better than the last. Then in February one of the cats was diagnosed with cancer. But the biggest heartache was coming. We had a senior dog who was suffering with severe arthritis . I had her on meds, special food ,supplements and anything else the vet recommended but I knew it was getting close to the end. So I mentioned that we needed to think about what was best for the dog. She would not hear it, told me she would pay for the meds . I said its not a matter of that its what best for the dog. Anyways after three cancellations we finally said goodbye to the dog 6 weeks later. Oh and the week before we said goodbye she broke up with me yet again. This time she was adament we were done. She had not met anyone or wasn t looking but in case she did she wanted to be free. I was so hurt. I said well I am not friends with my exes so I ll need to get my stuff from your apartment. She said she wanted us to be friends and again I said no. So she said I could not have my things back and she will not tell me if she is seeing someone else. I said I would figure it out. This was also the time she chose to tell me that she had started hurting herself and she wanted me to tell our family doctor, which I did. This was about 5 weeks ago and our contact has lessened. However we did go out last week and we had a fantastic time ! She called me when I got home and she told me that she had a great time and was so happy that we didnt argue and what were we going to do? I said well lets see what happens next time we go out. We are supposed to go out again this saturday for dinner. Part of me wants to just get my stuff and go away and heal but another part of me of course wants to try and get her back. I have been wondering if the passing of our dog was the trigger for her leaving again. Well thats my story in a nutshell. Similiar in some ways to everyone elses but different in other ways. I am not expecting anyone to tell me to stay or go , but it has helped to just write this down , to just vent. Thanks for reading.