Samar

Kay, Thanks a million for your reply and support. I've been following up on your story through this discussion group and another. Your strength and perseverance through your many ordeals is amazing. I take my hat off to you not only for making it through and standing steadfast in the face of your experience(s), but also for having the courtesy and kind-heartedness to help guide others through theirs. Respect. I've contemplated on starting my own thread but I just keep changing my mind. Don't seem to be decisive about anything anymore. It's like I lost total confidence in my self. One minute I decide on something and the next minute I go back on it or I decide on something different. I'm just soo confused and don't know any more. Maybe I don't want to start a new thread because I'm afraid they might bump into it (not likely, but what if it does happen!), maybe it's because I feel shame (although I know I shouldn't). One thing I do know is that I learnt a lot from this thread and from all your experiences. For one, I've found out that I'm not the only one out there and that all this might really not be my fault. I've learnt that (although extremely difficult and I'm not there yet) I should try to stop making heads and tails of the story cause I'll probably never figure it out. I took your advice on taking care of me (although it doesn't work 99% of the time) and went to a concert yesterday. Who knows, maybe I will start my own thread. At least it might help me vent with people who share the same ordeal, especially that I'm not much of a talker and hence no one around me really has any idea what's going on with me!! It's been 6 months of heartache and I've managed to keep it all to myself. Maybe my thread will help someone else like this one helped me. Who knows. I'll give it some more thought and let you know. Thanks Kay. I tell you what I tell myself...nothing lasts forever. And this too shall pass. Eventually you'll find the happiness you deserve with the person who will value you for who you truely are.

Waw. I can't believe this forum/discussion group; it's like me reading my own story with a slight twist of difference (then again, maybe my twist of difference is not slight but I'm the one who just can't tell. I can't seem to tell anything anymore!!!) Anyway, I realize it's been 3 years since anyone's made any input here. I'm not sure if anyone is still even following it. If you are, how did your experiences end up? Any luck? Is there ANY hope??? Miri, I've been soo touched by your story (and by everyone else's). I don't think I could've put mine in better words than some of you used. Kay, you used the term "damaged goods", that's the perfect term to describe how I feel. After all these years, is anyone still here?? Does anyone have any update that might shed even just a slight glimps of hope?! Any psychiatrists or opposing parties out there who would care to explain (and by opposing parties I mean people who are the original grievers and who eventually made grievers out of us - cause that's how I see us: grievers over loss of loved ones too; only ours rejected us rather than died on us!)?