Texyman

Kay, It sounds good that Jim still contacts you almost every day. We also have some distance but we do not communicate by phone so often. I again realized each person has each pace. When we met, I did not bring any jewelry to her only flower and sweets and tried not to say about love relation. But she gave me nice watch and show her love to me but after that there have not been any contacts from her though I left voice messages. Situation is still not easy for me...

Last week end, finally we met again. 8 month has been past already since the tragedy. I met with her son and some friends as well. But I did not want to be alone by two of us and I did not stay until mid night. I felt we cannot be back to old days but we need new relation. I am sure she needs my support and love but not the same. 8 months is not long but it was too long if only thing you can do is waiting but I believed it worth doing and some persons in this forum advised me to do so and I did so. Meanwhile my father past away, it was begining of last month and it still hurts me a lot But I learned something from the experience. Now, my girl friend and me support each other. I hope it will not be ended.

I can not lead our relation anymore.I think it is up to her. i just thought if i keep her as girlfriend or just friend what ever, it may close her door to other opportunities. She is still almost silent to me even though she tells me that she loves me from time to time. I feel that she really misses her boys much more than half years ago. i should learn more how people who lost kids feel and grief after half year, even years after..

Kay, no, I only wish her best future and if I'm not right person to support her rest of life as man not as friend,I will like to let her go and pray for her best from afar. I cannot change relation from man and woman to just friend and as soon as my role as boyfriend is finished, I want to quit from her. I believe that is best for her and her new partner. Of course that would be big pain for me.

I understand what you mean and I also feel such double mind to her. And I feel this situation will continue and could be forever. Her mother told me that do not dare to think of her boys, that literally breaks her heart. She never said like that till yesterday. I feel their feeling is changed. Kay, time is flying and it seems my role as boy friend will be end soon.

Kay, I can only imagine that even though half year has been past since then, time cannot reduce her sadness. But what do you mean she is confused?

Thank you Kay for sharing your experience with me. In my case, she ignores my contact and her mother and son contact me as if they are on behalf of her. I do not understand why she ignore my contact and sometimes say I love you. Is it just part of grieving process? If so, what should I do for her.. I completely agree with you on that we should not just avoid facing adversity together instead of breaking up.

Here is some updates. We sent Christmas card each other and celebrated new year. And she said she appreciates my support and sometimes she says she loves me. Sometimes I received text from her mom and son. But problem is that they can hardly understand that I'm also so grief and my heart has been painful for the last half year. She told me that she will visit me in coming summer season with his son but I feel daily communication with her is totally changed comparing with before the tragedy. She does not reply my text so often and sometimes we do not talk and text for a month. I do not know how long this situation will last. May be forever.

Yes, I mean I can only imagine but cannot understand. She already informed me last year that he has serious illness but why in this moment it become critical situation ? I feel I'm numb with another sadness and I send very short text to her and I believe that is the best in this moment. Kay I'm so sorry your husband passed away in such young age but thank you for sharing what you felt at that moment.

Now I understood why my girl friend and her Mom was silent in the last few weeks. Day before yesterday my girlfriend informed me that her dad is now in critical condition and she must fly to the place where he stayed with her brother. She just told me that she does not know anymore. I replayed to her and sent text to her mother. I also do not know anymore and only thing I can do is praying for his fast recovery. I can only image how hard it is for her that she must leave the place where her boys are rest and face another sadness....

Till few weeks ago, I felt I was controlled by brain and heart but now, I feel third one. It's body. And I feel fight between brain/heart and body in myself. And body almost defeats the others. I mean body accept to be friend with her although others do not accept. Because it's so heart breaking and so painful that body eventually react to get rid of those pain to protect myself. Kay, you are right. I also think she has nothing to give me now and she still feels guilt to contact me. It will last very longtime.

Kay, it is... it will be very long journey and I do not know if there is the terminal. And be friends could be best option so that she does not feel any guilts when she contact me or response to me. I feel now that communicating even as friend is more important than keeping love relationship without communicating...

I feel that most of time her heart and brain are full with her boys and no extra room for me and sometimes there is small room for me and it is suddenly disappear...and I feel she still feel guile to contact me.

I said in previous post that I just want to finish my role as boyfriend and lead her to right direction. But now I realised that I still expect something else. That's why my heart start to pain again although your compassion helps me a lot. I will travel to near their house in the end of November but I will keep silent for the time being. Maybe I will send a card just before I leave the place.

I sent text to her mom last Friday but so far no response. This result is what I anticipated. But Kay, Thanks for your advice. It won't send text to my girlfriend. but how should I understand the situation meant one side she told me she loves me and on the other side I can not participate any services even I can not meet with her ever since...It is really long journey.