Last week, I went to the bar with a friend and I saw my exboyfriend, Matt there. He was so drunk that it was noticable and I felt reminded of one of the main reasons why we broke up in the first place. However, I flattered him by listening to him mumble and ramble on about things that I couldn't even hear him say because the band was playing very loud. I was very uncomfortable talking to him to say the least. When we decided to leave, I tried to avoid seeing Matt and having another drunken conversation. However, when I was in the parking lot, walking to my car, I heard Matt call my name. I walked over to him and he asked my how I was doing for the 10th time and I said, "Why do you keep asking me that?" Then I proceeded to remind him how drunk he was (using a very snotty voice) and I told him that we should talk when he is sober because he isn't going to remember our conversation. I was pissed. I was mad because he is a 30 year old man, out in public, drunk as can be, and acting like a typical drunk (repeating himself, not listening to what I had to say, rambling, etc.) I was also very upset because Matt and I dated for 7 years, lived together, and I wanted to marry him but he continuously rejected me with his partying and drinking. Since then, 4 years have passed and he is still doing the same thing. That is until he passed the very next morning after I saw him at the bar. His brother called me and told me that Matt died in his sleep and that his girlfriend tried to give him CPR, but it was too late. Come to find out, his girlfriend (I've never met her previous to the funeral or heard her name mentioned by Matt) was working at the bar that I went to. The autopsy was to be determined by the medical examiner. Overall, I am feeling so guilty for being a snot to him at the bar. I never thought that Matt would pass away at such an early age. Of course, I am very sad because he died and the memories play through my mind over and over again. I also have numerous scenarios that play through my mind that "save" Matt from dying. I feel so overwhelmed and crazy. I miss him so much. I am feeling like I want him back as my boyfriend (even though it has been years) and all of these people, including his family are telling me that I was his true love and that he always loved me. Now, I feel like the man that I was supposed to marry is dead. The man that loved me the most is dead. What can I do to start feeling better? Everything seems to bring me to tears.