MissingMyLove

The quilt is so, so beautiful. I don't think I could do this though....I would feel too sad to look at his clothes or shirts... I can't really look at my precious hubby's pictures or anything...it's way too painful and I feel like I am going to just fall apart. Today is 75 days I never thought anyone could possibly be so sad. I actually do not even feel like a real person anymore. I feel like an empty shell with no future or anything to look forward to. It's just not fair and I'm feeling so sorry for myself again and of course him, who did not deserve to leave.....he was the best husband in the world, the best person. I guess I just popped in to write again. I always cry when I write in here....it's think it's my therapy..thank you for listening and I hope everyone is doing ok - as best as you can. Again, the quilt is so beautiful....

I am so sorry for your loss. Today, I am 130 days out, having just had the four month anniversary of the passing of the love of my life. I am still having the same feelings as you are having, still not believing he is gone, saddened that I will never see his face nor hear his voice again on this earth. For me, this is devastating. I loved him so much. We did so many things together and loved just being home alone with one another. He had been sick for a couple of years, but he always got better and came home to me. I was told on a Monday, that there was nothing else they could do for him and that he was not going to make it and he died on Thursday following that declaration. I never left his side during those last few days and was with him as much as I could be. Since he was in the CCU, I was not allowed to stay at night, so I had a guest room at the hospital, just so I could be near him.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that even after four months, I am still having many moments of crying and denial. I still can't believe that my precious love is gone. I have been told by friends that I appear to be getting better, since others see a change in me, but I don't feel any better. I still want him back and wish I was with him or he was still with me, neither of which will ever happen.

This journey we are all traveling is a real scorcher! Each of us must travel at our own speed and not be pushed by others. Jim's clothes are still in the closet and I don't have the willpower to remove them yet, but one day, maybe I will. I pray for strength, comfort and guidance, since I am not sure exactly what my life's path should be just yet. I am assuming that in His time, God will let me know. Until then, I will continue to come to this site, visit my grief support group and pray that one day I will be happy again. I pray these same things for you, since I really understand your feelings, as most everyone here does, as well.

Hugs to you!!

Linda

Well, today is 61 days and I feel no better than day 1. I don't know how people say God helps them get through....he doesn't help me. He didn't help my husband either. I prayed and prayed - nothing. I am so devastated, so scared and so angry every day. I just miss him I try to keep busy just to pass the hours so I can go to sleep is what my days are like. I have no desire to do anything that used to be "fun or entertaining" and I don't think I ever, ever will. We did everything together, although I did go out to lunch twice with a girlfriend - I was still sad. I guess I am just feeling so sorry for myself and my husband as well. He was the best person ever and didn't deserve to go. Why do all the creepy, mean people get to live? I just don't understand.

Hugs back to you Linda, thanks for sharing,

missingmylove,

thank you for replying to me. My husband was my life and backbone, I felt I could do anything when he was around, now I feel like I am lost. It is not fair! I keep thinking some how I can bring him back, but know in reality it is not going to happen. Can I ask you how old your husband was? My husband was 59, would have been sixty tomorrow 1/28. I had all these plans to enjoy myself with him when I retired (he was retired/disabled). And do all the things we dreamed of doing. It is just soo hard, especially getting rid of his stuff. He was so proud of what he owned, as he worked hard to get what we had. He loved flying r.c. planes, and it is so hard to get rid of them, I feel like I am betraying him. Why does this have to be so difficult.

Lynn,

I know what you mean about this being so difficult. I would never, ever imagine how horrible this would be. What a coincidence, my hubby is the same age as yours. Way too young. We had so many good years coming up. Kids are on their own and we were going to pay off bills and try to have some fun and just relax. He loved to golf and he loved to watch sports. He was low maintenance and very easy to please. Even when I would make a big dinner, he would always comment that he didn't want me to work that hard and sandwiches were fine. He never expected me to work outside the home, he felt like it was his job to take care of the family - he always wanted me to just relax, go out to lunch with a girlfriend or my mom, shop a little, just do girl things and most of all he wanted me happy and he wanted me to feel secure. I felt so loved and he really made my life easy. A few of my friends kept saying I was soooo lucky to have such a good husband and how nice it would be. Now look at me. I have nobody and I never will. I miss him so much. I feel so lost, so sad, so broken..I feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart over and over again - it never stops except when I am sleeping. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

missingmylove,

I lost my husband of 11 years (was together 15) Dec 3 2014. Your post is like words right out of my mind. Everything you said is so very similar to my husband and my relationship. And the other post about going to the store and seeing things that you would have bought for your husband, same goes here. And coming home, to an empty feeling. I feel I am missing part of my own body! It is so difficult! I feel if I am doing something without him I am leaving him out. I do not know how anyone can go on. I also have children and grandchildren. He also loved me sooo much, as I did him. I was his caretaker for many years. It was a lot of work, working a full-time job also. I keep thinking there could have been something I could have done to still have him around.

But, like I said, your words are exactly my words in every way. I am thinking of you, as I go through my grieving also, I totally understand.

Here is a great big (((hug))) for you.

lynn

Dear Lynn,

I'm so sorry for your loss and big hug back to you. I am also thinking the same exact thing that you said .....I too keep thinking that there could have been something more I could have done to have him still here. Most days I wish I would have died instead of him. He was the kindest, most sincere, unselfish person I could ever, EVER know.... He did not deserve to have his life over with. It's just not fair. I love him so much, and like you, I feel like a part of body is missing. I just want him back I don't know how people can go either. People always say it will get better....I have no idea how. He is my whole life - and he's gone.

Thank you so much to you all who replied with such warm and welcoming messages....Everyone is so nice and I am so, so sorry for your losses. My heart just aches for you all. For those of you who are somewhat religious...did you or are you angry with God?

Today has been 37 days now and I still feel like it's the first day. I just keep thinking that I can't believe it, I can't believe it. It just doesn't seem real...even though I know it is. I would give anything, anything at all to see him for one more day, even one more hour. We were always together except when he was at work...it's just so hard, unbearable actually. I feel like I'm am going to just die when I'm at the grocery store and see things that I would get especially for him...like ice cream and even when I see something we'd eat together....I just feel like my heart is ripped apart and I can hardly get through the isle.....

The whole trip is always so sad. Then when I pull up to our house, there's his suv, sitting there and again, so sad.... I come into the empty house and nothing. Usually I would yell out to him "Sweetheart, I'm home" (we always called each other sweetheart for 28 yrs) I hurry up and turn the TV on loud for noise. I might get a puppy soon after figuring out finances. Again, just writing to write.....thank you so much for listening and you are all in my thoughts.

The love of my life, my husband of almost 28 years passed away Dec 11, 2014. It's been 35 days and 8 hours. I am so lost. It just can't be true. I don't even know what to do anymore. I am just going through the motions of day to day living. Which, I don't even care if I live or not to be honest. I told my parents that if I die from sadness, don't be sad or cry because I am with my hubby and I'm happy. I'm not suicidal, because I wouldn't do that to my kids. I have read grief books and read articles in forums online and they all say that grieving is different for everyone, they say that counseling might help or grief support groups. I don't think any type of therapy will help me feel better at all...the only thing that could make me feel better is to have my hubby back. I'm not being negative.....I just know myself. It's so, so, so hard because he was my everything. I was trying to put into words to him last year how much I loved him and I came up with this "I love you more than anybody has ever loved anyone" He started saying it back to me and it was kinda like our thing to say. I miss him so much He would and always has done anything for me. His goal in life was to make me happy. He love me SO much, just so much as I did him. He put me and the family before his needs constantly, over and over again. We did everything together - we were so in sync with everything. We had our whole future before us. He never even got to retire. We never got to pay off our bills and just have fun like we planned. Now he's gone and from the looks of things, he's not coming back. I kept thinking there is some mistake, it just can't be true, but obviously it is I never go to say good bye He had been sick for 2-3 years and was doing "ok" for the most part until I found him on the floor. I still can't believe it. I guess I am just writing to write.... Thanks for listening.