Thank you for your kind replies. When I said I need him to support me, I meant emotionally rather than financially. I have a very dysfunctional family and my parents are not there for me when times are hard. I have no siblings. To make matters worse, we moved to a new city earlier this year and I don't know a lot of people here. I feel really angry with him for abandoning me right now. Then I feel guilty for being angry. I don't think moving back is an option because I'm earning a lot more here and that's going to be important now. I'm just so lonely and going through the hardest thing in my life. In some way I can see myself mustering the strength temporarily but I feel like I can't keep it up. I'm being worn down by constant futile thoughts, like 'what if he'd gone to the doctor?', 'what if this is just a nightmare? ', 'I wish it never happened', 'I wish he could come back', 'why is this happening to us?'etc. It's torture. I don't believe in the afterlife. I don't believe in God. I'm sure it must be very comforting to those who do, but I can't make myself believe. So it's just me and my painful thoughts.