Luna

Thank you. I know you're right. I don't think I've ever felt so completely powerless over my own life. I'm working so hard to keep the house running smoothly for the kids so they can feel like everything will be ok and their lives aren't going to disintegrate. It's exhausting. Am I doing the right thing for them? We're having lots of hugs too. I'm sharing my feelings with them but I'm also trying not to unload my grief onto them when they are having some happiness from the various distractions in their lives. My two teenagers are struggling with the loss but they don't talk much about their feelings, so we just hug and I tell them "We'll be strong. We can do this." My younger boy seems very sensitive right now. Everything reduces him to tears or causes him to fly into a rage. I'm being patient with him but I'm also telling him that behaviour rules won't change. Am I on the right track? I want to help them, but I don't know how.

Thank you for your kind replies. When I said I need him to support me, I meant emotionally rather than financially. I have a very dysfunctional family and my parents are not there for me when times are hard. I have no siblings. To make matters worse, we moved to a new city earlier this year and I don't know a lot of people here. I feel really angry with him for abandoning me right now. Then I feel guilty for being angry. I don't think moving back is an option because I'm earning a lot more here and that's going to be important now. I'm just so lonely and going through the hardest thing in my life. In some way I can see myself mustering the strength temporarily but I feel like I can't keep it up. I'm being worn down by constant futile thoughts, like 'what if he'd gone to the doctor?', 'what if this is just a nightmare? ', 'I wish it never happened', 'I wish he could come back', 'why is this happening to us?'etc. It's torture. I don't believe in the afterlife. I don't believe in God. I'm sure it must be very comforting to those who do, but I can't make myself believe. So it's just me and my painful thoughts.

Hi everyone. I've come here because I'm too sad to sleep and feel very alone facing a long dark road ahead. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain haemorrhage 15 days ago. He was fine until it happened. He collapsed in the shower and that was it. I'm now a widow at 42 with three children to raise who are also struggling with the loss of a very loving and wonderful Dad. I don't know how to cope with life without him. I needed him to support me even before this. I need him even more now. I just don't think I'm strong enough to do this.