cami

Janka I know the heartache it's a constant reminder of my total loss of companionship. I feel for you nothing or no one can replace our true love.Best wishes for you.

Everyone have a blessed Thanksgiving , I am grateful I had my husband as long as I did he almost died once before in 2009.I am thankful for the wonderful children he gave me, I am thankful also for my loving mother and mother in law.I will try to be brave this is the first Thanksgiving without my husband and I miss him always.

Yes I believe that is true God needs to be first then everything will fall into place.

I'ts Why I will never commit suicide don't like to say the words,because I woudn't end up with my husband .

Everytime I turn on the radio car house it seems to be telling me something I need to hear at that exact minute it helps me so much mostly christian music I think God is being there for me . It always has something to do with what I'm feeling right then it does upset me ,but I believe he's trying to be there for me. I listen to love songs our song comes up frequently on youtube my husband will always be remembered.The pain is excruciating I'll never forget the travesty of the incident,musics one of the only things that helps me.I'm a runner I have a hard time facing pain ,but me personally I'm at the place were I need to my realitys are getting mixed up before and after he died.He got murdered 6 months ago I have to accept he is not coming back to me on this earth.I believe I will be with him in heaven I just need to stay close to God and do his will I get side tracked alot not bad stuff just life.That's why I don't commit because I fear to end up not being with him in the end and I have to be with him in the end Thats the only thing I live for is to be with him again in eternity.

Kayc I will start soon I have alot going on other things have had to be taken care of lots of appointments,while I'm working .Wich is better one on one counsiling or group?I'm kind of shy around new people I listen mostly before saying anything.My husband was the out going one he'd always be in the middle trying to solve things or help someone who needed it.He liked helping people with their problems they would go to him because they trusted him.I don't believe in popping a pill for a problem I have to learn to deal with it on my own.I do tell myself I'm living for both of us have to try to make the most of it only one life .Wish God would let me know in what direction I need to go.My jobs a big stress I work for the same company different area.Nobody their understands my grief.

Kayc, The DA thinks it is a random act .I'm not so sure alot of things don't add up. Like the driver was at our company a week before. Who was he talking to?There's alot of unsavory people that didn't like my husband he stood up for what was right and they didn't like it.I believe it was a hit on him .Proving it is another matter.I do need Grief counsiling I should be going soon .I hope it helps even alittle bit will be something.

Do you kayc or debi think God is a jealous God and may be he only lets us be with the perfect mate for only so long and then he wants us to work on our selves? spiritually , I"ve always thought of my husband first before everyone including God .I'm sorry about that I should have had a balance . I know God is suppose to be first,but your husband is like part of you the best part that is precious.

kayc,The district attorney does't think they will go after us .I don't trust any of them there was half the court house full of his family and friends.They don't value their own life their not going to think twice about evil doings to a someone else.Yes my husband has always been there for me he truely was a blessing .He had an accident before in 2009 at work and could have died then, I'm gratefull to god he let me have him longer.I long for him it's neverending,I still feel were bonded together.

Yes I believe he is watching out for me God also right now at the place I am I pray alot , but I mostly talk to my husband sometimes I wonder if God wants me to depend on him and not on my husband so totally.It's hard my husband has always been their for me. God he has also ,but my father died when I was 4 and now my husband it's not easy to not think he's still their for me and kids.He was a total family man the only man for me that I trust.

Thanks to all for responding I appreciate your kindness and support.I'm new to being on the computer and talking to people it will take some getting use to.I do have two grown children that are there for me.They are shattered by this their father was always there for them and me .It's unreal the world is to me now . My life now is like a total different reality . My husband was wonderful we met when I was 5 and he was 12 .We where neighbors and best friends he always respected me .He was a strong loving husband that never disappointed me. The hard part is he totally loved everything about me .No one will ever love me like that again .That love were their the perfect one for you only. It kills me to think about it . I try not to at work it's a little apreave, not long though I try to do things I enjoy .At first it helps then I always have such a huge let down .I have a problem with the flight response I keep wanting to run avoidance I think .It's too much some how I keep thinking if I don't slow down i'll be with him sooner?I don't understand my thinking I know it has to have something to do with how he got killed.I think their going to kill me too sometimes I wish they would so I can be with my husband ,but I will give a good fight though I will take them with me. I do think something is going to happen too me that their after me I try not to be paranoid. They have gang ties,but know one thinks things like that happen ,but they do.Crazy people don't care about anyone but their self .thanks again marty I will be looking up all those sites your a real life saver.

A few days after my husband was murdered I heard him yell my name I woke up it was all of a sudden I was asleep at the time it's weird my daughter was leaving for work at the same time .I thought he was trying to tell me something.That has happened at least 3 times it scares me I just want him safe .once I woke up with his blanket covering me the strange thing was I washed it earlier and folded it and placed it on his side at the end of the bed.I believe he's still watching over me.

My husband was murdered by being ran over by a Suv the guy didn't know my husband.The driver was one of seven people in the Suv.He is being charged with first degree murder.We worked together I did not see it happen but I was there a few minutes later .I was there trying to help him .I can't overcome the violence and devistation it has caused me .I should have been there also.I know it probably would have had the same outcome .I would have died also . I don't know why I'm here .I wish I was with my husband where ever he is heaven or a inbetween place I know my husband and he would want justice.