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Gwenivere

Contributor
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About Gwenivere

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 11/25/1955

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife
  • Date of Death
    October 29, 2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Aegis Dementia Care, Seattle WA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Seattle, WA
  • Interests
    Nursing home volunteer. Reading. Dogs. Philosophy.

Recent Profile Visitors

6,191 profile views
  1. Some days when I find cart to get into the grocery store is a godsend. Especially if it’s a mini-cart, those are the perfect height to lean on and not as bulky to push around. It’s not cool to block parking spaces with them, but I’ll find them where another handicapped person left it. Lots of room. Some people just have to have something to complain about. Lord knows I do my share, but I hope it’s legit like insurance and billing red tape. As always, I’m exhausted just reading all you do, Kay. Wish I could be that productive. I’m glad you have back up plans now that you will be
  2. I understand, Missy. One of the phrases I’ve come to abhor thru all this also is 'new normal'. It’s new, but it has never felt normal. After all these years, I’m guessing it never will. It’s just adjustment to something I have no control over. Hits me about the same time too. Late afternoons I dread so much. There’s about 2 hours I can’t fill anymore from worldly restrictions now that pull me under. I saw it at the nursing home with many people. They call it 'sundowners effect' as the light fades into night. People cry and get confused more then. I didn’t know how it felt until now.
  3. My parallel universe is in my home now. Often those worlds collide. I liken it to the clouds that have to merge to create thunder. Today I’m having my housekeeper move dishes around because a) I don’t use all of them anymore and b) I can’t reach them without massive pain so I had to decide what’s needed for me solo. The kitchen often becomes the heart of a house for sharing. Nourishment of the body and soul. It was in ours twice a day. Now it’s just.......a kitchen. Most of the same stuff, but it doesn’t feel warm. The only real sign left of him is his The Dude coffee mug. Same with
  4. Since we are talking about tremors, I want to see if the microphone on my iPad works for writing a post. Seems it does. Not sure I really like it. Don’t know all the commands for punctuation. This is sure a lot easier than typing, but feels a little strange sitting here all by myself talking to my iPad. One thing it won’t do, or I don’t know how to do by voice, it’s go back and fix something. If I say delete it types it. You really experienced the racism in the 60’s with your black colleague. It wasn’t an issue much In New Mexico. A lot of Latinos, but I don’t recall much separatio
  5. Yup, that’s what it is, Kieron. I also have this one.......😡 for those timid of swearing. Tho it sure comes easy these days.
  6. It does help to be here, with others that get it. To come home and read the above was heartwarming, so thank you both. Yah, I don’t care about celebrities. I have come to care about everyone here, my virtual home I can be the real me with the real 'yous'. I had asked my counselor if I was maybe spending too much time/energy in this and she said it is filling a need you have no one else can. I know more about some of you long timers than I do about acquaintances I’ve had known for years. What a gift that is in what could be a very barren landscape and the new people add to more understand
  7. ABC News with David Muir always ends with a good topic. I appreciate that. Sometimes it’s a bit sappy, but it’s not covid or violence or politics, guess those are interchangeable nowadays.
  8. I know it’s been a good year plus since I felt any importance in this world. When I couldn’t volunteer anymore and my body began the rapid deterioration, I started fading away. Then came covid. Losing Ally. My foundation is rocky to start with about losing Steve. I noticed a picture of us at about 25 last night. That great couple with a lifetime ahead of them. Walked into the bathroom and saw me now. Said to Steve.....I’m not that girl anymore. Your leaving and age have about sapped me dry. Yes, I’d have to say there really isn’t any color in my heart anymore. It’s dry, dusty, unatt
  9. Well, 'some people' don’t have a clue. And who makes them qualified to judge what is normal or not? Tuck him away? Seriously? Being further along and now familiar with anger, I’d have some biting retorts. Have used them at times when someone has dared question MY grief. It’s always people that haven’t experienced it. Always. You summed it up perfectly. Beat me to the punch and written more succinctly. It’s not just nerve, it’s rude too. I’m sure Missy didn’t solicit this. Why why why people try and fix us I’ll never get. You had to be broken to understand. I don’t
  10. That is my problem. I don’t want to be a total ostrich, so I’m modifying how much I watch. I don’t need to see the riot at the Capital for the umpteenth time. But I do want to know what is coming. I also find what I see and hear unbelievable but I know it’s real. Maybe we have an advantage because we’ve learned to protect ourselves from the lessons of grief. Masters of setting boundaries and filtering input. I’m terribly annoyed by tremors I get. Mine are usually the result of overdoing things and a pain reaction. But I do notice as time passes I’m finding it harder to pick up s
  11. It wasn’t a reality before, tho. Not here. We are adjusting to something we’ve never experienced before. I feel the same looking at the world now too. Notice if someone isn’t wearing a mask. Seeing them for sale everywhere. Fights about them. The distance thing is new too. No human contact. Everything we did now restricted or prohibited. So yeah, it’s become reality. But we lived another one our whole lives. I still catch myself having to go back and get my mask or say screw it when dropping off some mail while people glare at me. I can barely hobble in much less go back fo
  12. At least Kodie looks around in the car. Melody curls up in back and has not once looked out the windows. No one would ever know she is there. She was seriously traumatized is all I can figure. Even when I was able to take her and Ally to the dog park, she laid hunkered down til we got there. Very weird kid. When Ally was here at least she followed her on getting in. If I had my way, she’d be my car buddy like all my other dogs. Really miss that. I don’t know if my contacts can be moved from the flip phone if it gets phased out. It’s also a pay as you go plan, no contract. It’s d
  13. No, it doesn’t change he is gone. But it does help your mind, soul and heart get out that pain that is so heavy to carry. We’ve all been there. Some have tried to outrun it and have it hit them worse. Some don’t cry and think there is something wrong, but there’s not. And others do as you which is also normal. So many personal ways to react. What would you do if you didn’t cry and could you even do that? its barely been 6 months. It feels like forever, but it’s still so fresh and raw. Allow yourself to accept that and your right and need to grieve. .
  14. I don’t understand Facebook and walls. So lost me there. I have an account, but never go there. I hear so much about discourse it seems. Maybe it’s my 'friends' there. They were made just because I knew them in real life. Just not interested in the public stuff. I hear from the people I care about personally. I never understood the addicts to that place. I never really had much to say, either. For some reason I was on Linked In and cancelled that. On a neighborhood group, but it’s so wide spread it rarely pertains to me. I know big families use it and it’s a good way to not have t
  15. Maybe because I am older I’m running out of blessings to count. That’s not something I ever expected. But as life becomes more finite and with less refills, it’s a kinda dark, sad and scary place to be. To the world I do have much to be grateful for. I am for food and shelter. But without him, our life that I knew for almost 4 decades, this trying to start over again when life is becoming more loss on every front, that’s not really a feasible goal. I think about us facing these losses to time and mortality together and see that holding his hand would be so comforting. That no matter wha
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