hiena

still crying I cried a lot today. I miss her. I have her things - her blankets, leash and water bowl. I think I'll keep the leash.

You understand Even cleaning - maybe it's because I'm in mourning ... but I had to clean when she was around - and now ... I'm still cleaning, I'm not a crazy person, but certainly a lot less than when I had to keep it clean because I cared about my dog being in a clean environment. I'll get used to a new routine in time. For now - I went grocery shopping today and thinking if my dog needs something flashed in my mind. Argggghhh. I'll cuddle with my boyfriend soon - not a dog, not quite as good as a dog, but I'll make do.

Thank you! I knew I would feel this way! I was already preparing myself for years that one day I wouldn't have her. The hard thing is - euthanasia. Wow - that's tough that it was in my hands. I wish she just went to sleep. Lots of people are in this position. Well ... still crying! She was a loved dog.

I am dropping by to update that I'm still missing my dog. Still crying. Still hoping she'll just show up miraculously. I thought I heard her breathing - but, no. I don't post a picture of her because ... this is how I grieve. I don't like to show pictures of someone I love. The same with family members. I will be ready in time, but not now. She was a pretty dog - big expressive eyes. I really miss her and hope I did right by her (believe I did, hope I really did). She was my best friend - empty without her honestly. It was nice having her. She was my walk motivator - a big driver of getting me to get things done. I always wanted to be home because she needed me to come home soon to look after her (take her for a walk, or check on her, or just be company). Now, it feels empty that it doesn't matter when I go home. i have people that care, that helps - but I live alone. I live alone because it was important to live alone when i had a big, messy dog. Now, there is no big, messy dog. I'll settle in to a new life, it's just sad now - I didn't want to not have her, my special, sweet dog.

Yes. I wish that. I really liked my dog. Two nights ago I was sleeping in a place that's a little cold, I missed her that night very much. Every night I miss her when I go home from work because I was always going home to her. I'm glad that I don't have to worry about protecting her. Her well being was always on my mind. It's part of what I grieve - I miss looking after her Here's a poem from http://www.steinski.com/section/thoughts-on-life/ This is our last dance together, Tonight soon will be long ago. And in our moment of parting, This is all I want you to know… There will be many other nights like this, And I’ll be standing here with someone new. There will be other songs to sing, Another fall…another spring… But there will never be another you

I am feeling your sadness! I came home, and miss her. My dog specifically. I wanted to log in to update that I'm still crying She's still very special. I still feel hollow. A friend said it's a hole that can't be filled - there's some comfort in acknowledging that. It just is a hole. No fix. She was loved.

My dog wasn't wagging her tail anymore. I think she lost the ability. She wasn't able to do many things. Why don't dogs live longer???? They are such sweet, intelligent animals. My dog, and missing her, is on my mind today - all day. Good dog, my special dog. She knew I loved her.

Thank you kayc; I liked rubbing her belly. When she became older, she stopped asking for that. I tried to rub her belly the last few days - I know she liked being pet - she wasn't a young puppy anymore. One thing for sure - she was purring, not in the last week but not too much before, and I know she took comfort in me trying to make her feel good (giving her hugs). We had many, many walks together. That ended about six months ago - we walked as best as we could. I have many walks to remember that we had together. Definitely I could scratch her ears up until the last day. I know she enjoyed that. Her head would get warm. My little dog. Thanks for taking time to respond wherever you are kayc I'll just be sad for a little while. My little dog.

Thank you hollow heart. I'm lucky I had my pet for 14 years. Very lucky. I'm glad to read that you loved that ball of fluff so much. Sad, eh Thank you for your thoughts and for what you shared. Thank you for your reassurance.

damned if we do, damned if we don't. somewhere on this forum or on the internet there's advice not to believe the hype about a drug. There's a drug being advertised somewhere on the internet that I feel guilty about because maybe it would have helped. But, I suppose it wouldn't have. I suppose we only get so many years with our best friend dogs.

update - still grieving. still miss my dog. still wish ... I think everyone knows what I wish.

Thank you both.

It is hard. Thank you. Other people's stories help. My dog did purr like a cat! It was so nice - something that I loved about her. I don't know if that's a characteristic of her breed. She would sometimes purr all night. I feel better from your description of your dog's last days. What I'm struggling with is guilt about making the decision. I miss her, and I hope I didn't do her a disservice.

Maybe just a simple thread then, putting what you have here...just a place of your own for others to respond to? _______________________________________________________________________________________________ My dog was 14.5 years old. I thought that I took such good care of her that she would live exceptionally long. She looked like a puppy. She was a happy dog. People were surprised when I said her age. In the last few years she had arthritis. It progressed. It was slightly improved with prednisone - she was able to stand better. Then, my friend who was looking after her told me that she's in pain. I didn't believe she was in pain. I thought it was too early to ... say goodbye. She ... started to have more trouble eating. She started to get skinny. In the last few days I was bringing water to her. I realized that it was better for her to stay in bed, when she was up she was unstable. We tried to walk her by holding her up with a band. It was pretty helpful. On the last night she was howling. I'd never seen her howl before. I checked her body - tried to see if I could position her more comfortably - but she was in pain. My dog - we used to walk together. I fed her treats of mangos, squash, shared my food with her. We had a 5k route that I missed when she wasn't able to handle. But, it was great still being able to walk her - we just walked less distance. And then less distance. And then just down the block. My dog used to purr like a cat. She would purr all night sometimes. I hugged her all the time. Sometimes I would watch the clock and pet her for half an hour. I was very appreciative of having my own dog. I grieved someone in my family - when I cried my dog licked my tears and it cheered me up. She was a sweetie. She was an American bulldog. 74 pounds. I had her from when she was 11 months old. We adopted her at the SPCA. I liked that she was there to protect me - I could take her for walks at any time. I wished that I could take her everywhere with me - but where I live people will kidnap dogs if you leave them outside, and you can't bring dogs into stores or onto transit. I would have taken her everywhere. She was my pride because she was happy and healthy and she trusted me. She listened to me. She had strong will - but she would stop what she was doing if I said "no." Only one dog like her.

The reason I don't start a thread, at this time, is it's too painful for me to be detailed. I might have more distance later.