Raven12

Thank you KayC, Thank you for your reply. My heart goes out to you also, it is painful to invest such time and your heart into a relationship to have it fall apart when things get bad in life. I know him too well, he's crushed right now and lost. I was always the one he ran to with every personal issue, and he was always open and easily showed emotion with me. This is too big for him, I know that. And he's suffered some terrible losses in a short amount of time. His grandfather was murdered, lost his home in a sticky break up before he met me, his brother has addiction issues. I don't like being the one to have to step back, especially after all that I've done to support him, but I know it was the right thing to do. I could feel it coming, someone had to say it for him. Unfortunately he's the victim of everyone's petty needs in his family, and they all take advantage of him, even after his son's death. I'm the only one that doesn't put demands on him and he knows it. He will have to figure that out though for himself and cut ties when he is ready so he can take care of himself.

To add....things escalated with me the other day. I lost my temper fixing my back garage door when the wind whipped the ladder over, crashing it into the house. I screamed to God "WHY DIDN'T I HAVE ANY WARNING THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO ME????" Then it dawned on me.......My boyfriend didn't either on the night the officer handed him his son's wallet and said "He's gone." Something that set me straight, despite my sadness, my boyfriends is beyond comprehension.

Hello Kayc, and to all of the posters here that are in the same situation as me....I feel some hope just being here. My boyfriend of a year lost his 22 year old son in a car accident early in December. That night was horrible, I stayed with him, holding him all night, and helping he and the family with the funeral plans days later. You know where this is going, I've read all of the posts.........and that's why I am here. I finally feel like I am not alone. I kept in contact with him and we would still meet up for dinner once a week, but our weekends together stopped. He would come over and go home, and he became consumed with home projects and work. I kept a regular text and phone check in to make sure he was alright, but often would back off and let him call or text me. That got less and less too. Finally after a month of seeing him once or twice, and never on the weekends, I told him I felt it was best if he took some time out for himself. Not a breakup but time for him to process how he was feeling. He got upset at first, saying he knew he was neglecting me. I told him how much I cared and that he needed to take care of himself and his family now and that I wasn't angry. That I understood. I told him I had to take care of me too. It was constant cancelled or rescheduled plans only to find out he was working on a project with his buddy and rescheduling being with me. I felt selfish for saying that, but didn't feel it was fair to be put aside either. I knew in my heart that time on his own was what he needed to heal and process his pain regardless of how he spends it. Since that decision I feel like I committed relationship suicide. It was okay at first, but now I barely hear from him. Now I only get a response if I text him, and he hasn't called me since early February. I usually wait one to two weeks before I text, and even tried to call him but got voicemail. He ended up texting me two days later saying things were very difficult for him. So finally I backed way off, went to a conference last week and hadn't called or texted in two weeks. Then I get a comment to my conference photo on facebook saying he hoped I had a good time. I messaged him the next day and all he said was "Are you home?" I said yes. And that was it. Is it best to leave the communication initiation up to the one that is grieving? I am struggling with guilt over this, feeling like I am alienating him if I don't text him. On the other hand I feel like I will subsequently push him out of my life if I do. I cannot imagine the amount of pain he is in right now and I do more crying for him than myself lately. Miss Wilson I am getting the same advice from friends, to walk away, easier said than done. I love him.