I lost my first, beloved Greyhound unexpectedly on February 10th, 2 days before his 5th Gotcha day with us, 2 days after my birthday. He was only 7.
Kuranosuke was (or seemed to be) very healthy dog, never got sick except maybe 3 or 4 occasions his tummy got upset but got better the next day without even going to a vet. He did grow histiocytoma on his foot shortly after we adopted him, which was completely benign but we surgically removed it.
One morning on February 1st, he refused to eat his breakfast, which he'd never done. Only in 10 days after this first symptom, we had to lay him to rest... It was such a shocking and devastating event. He was our first Greyhound. He was my velcro dog. He was very special in many way. Very smart, gentle, loved people more than his own species.
It has been a month and 2 weeks. Many negative feelings of regrets, guilt, and blame... have been going through my head, while I understand there is nothing we can do now, and I have to agree that perhaps we did everything we could do trying to save him. I thought I was coping with it pretty well... until spring came around. You would think spring can cheer me up, it used to since I hate cold weather... until this year. Kura loved outside and going for rides and walks. In spring we did lots of them. And this year I was planning to take our dogs to some battlefields with us when spring comes and I was really looking forward to it. Every day I think of how he would enjoy this weather and burst into tears. A few days ago, while I was vacuuming, I saw his fur here and there around the house and felt guilty for sucking them up - It felt like I was deleting his existence. It was too hard, I cried a lot and took me all day to do the task in this tiny house. I still can't wash his blankets and linens (Good thing is that Greyhounds don't smell bad), I am afraid his scent and fur will disappear. I wake up with those negative thoughts during the night with hot flashes and sweat. I'm not sure it's symptom of menopause as I am 52... Every now and then my hands and feet get cold sweat, as they did when I was so nervous on the night/early morning before his passing. I lost interest in reading and studying which I enjoy - I haven't gone back to that ever since. I couldn't eat for the first week or so but was able to start eating and now I have craving for sweet stuff. I've become irritable with people, especially with my daughter who has 2 young children and lives very close to us. I don't have much motivation to do things, I sort of have to force myself to do the chores around the house and running errands like grocery shopping. I'd rather be sleeping, and be dreaming in order to escape, I guess, from reality...
Are these normal behavior? Will they go away as time passes? or am I suffering some type of depression?
