Yeah. She did have a funeral, she looked so incredibly peaceful, but I don't think I can ever ever go through that process again. Having to see another person in a coffin/casket its too heart wrenching. I couldn't go over to her... I couldn't do it, until my husband gently took my hand an walked me over. I also think what makes it so much worse is the room in the funeral home was huge and the coffin was placed at the very end of the room, with a table and a candle & a photograph of my mam nearly displayed on it. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I couldn't do it. But when I did.... The amount of pain and guilt I felt for not being there with her will go to the grave with me.... I can't sleep at night because I keep seeing her the way I saw her in the coffin.... Yes she looked absolutely stunning and incredibly peaceful and pain free... But it wasn't her... It wasn't my mam.... She's still here.... I'm just waiting for her to come home or call or text me.... I constantly text her phone waiting for her to reply.... And I'm still waiting......... I'm sure she'll reply soon.
Also I have horrible intruding images of her last moments she is in pain and calling for me to help her.... Why didn't I just go down to her and my dads house? Why? Why? WHYYY???!!!!! If I had have done she will 3000% still be here today. She will. I know she will. She isn't dead, she just away on holidays somewhere.... I can't wait to see her
She lived in Wicklow for a very short time. She's originally from Finglas, North Dublin. She is my everything. Over 300-400 people came to her funeral and she had only known a handful of them for a very short time. [People in Wicklow] and she had hundreds of friends. That proves, that her outstanding legacy will live on forever...
My amazing, kind hearted beautiful mam, I love you beyond words and I miss you forever xxxxx
I can't wait to see you soon, so please come and take my hand and we can be together.... I love you my sweet angel xoxoxoxo <3