Merlin

unconditional love, those who don't see or understand this haven't truly lived.

Awwww that is so wonderful. Makes me think of doing the same thing, writing a letter to Merlin. Appreciating him for what he brought to my life although it was a short time. I know that every living thing comes into our lives at our request (although not conscious) and we have no control over the length of that connection. I'm still grasping myself at the Merlin and me experience and what it was that he needed to do for me and what I needed to do for him in this physical space. We are always connected in spirit I know and someday we'll meet again at that beautiful Rainbow Bridge. I lady I know in another forum gave me this poem.

thank you Nikki D for your response. I read your story and yes they are eerily similar. Why do our animals have to get things that are typically human dis-eases? I've grown up with many animals and none of them ever had cancer, my parents had many animals in their youth and on and they never had cancer, where is this stuff coming from? I'm blaming many things now in our environment and food supply, no matter how careful we are it seems that this 'thing' is showing up unwanted, uninvited in our lives and has to stop.

I had to poke Merlin (he was diabetic) and I did it on the ear. The first time I was terrified at hurting him but he was a trooper and got to the point he didn't even flinch. For cats we had to do what you call a 'Curve' once a month for one day every 2 hours then I sent those numbers to the vet, he always had good numbers. I don't know what to say for humans, I've seen my sister do this and she said it got to the point it didn't hurt the blood was merely a tiny little drop doesn't keep bleeding, and yes, it is something to get used to. I'm so glad you are getting EO's to help and that you are feeling so much better, the memories are hard I know, I still expect to see Merlin walk into a room, feel him jump up on the bed (he was heavy), even his light purr I can hear in my ear sometimes and his brother is still looking for him and being very demanding. Merlin was the one to demand feeding time, demand affection, he was the one who stood out and Louie, his brother, took the background, now Louie is being very up front in our face, it's like he's finally exerting his voice and being heard.

Nikki thank you for sharing your story about not wiping the nose print, we also had a long streak on the living room window where our cat (Tough Guy) would sit to look out the window, it was a long time before we cleaned that part of the window. For your diabetes try taking a teaspoon of cinnamon a day, not straight of course but in various recipes. Cinnamon helps to regulate type 2 diabetes. My sister maintains hers strictly by diet she refuses all meds, she did take metformin once and almost lost all her hair and to this day is still extremely thin, this med can do permanent damage. Find a happy medium in the foods you can enjoy and the foods that are not beneficial for diabetes, limit your carbs, sugar is hidden in so many foods too.

I also use EO's and waiting for my Joy essential oil to come in a couple of weeks, that is supposed to help my grief over my loss of Merlin. I hear you, I look for videos of Merlin, I have a need to see him moving, see him alive. Makes him not be gone for a moment at a time. Don't hide your emotions from your family, your grandkids will appreciate that it's ok to be sad losing a beloved pet and it helps you to go through the grief by not hiding, there is no shame in tears.

My husbands' shoulder cat

My Merlin

Thank you KayC and Marty for your kind words and thoughts. KayC, I just read your post on your experiences with your mother and her illness, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom 16 years ago, suddenly, unexpected and I was sitting beside her. It was the most devastating time in my life and now losing Merlin is akin to that feeling coming up all over again. I have also lost my oldest sister, my only brother and my Dad all within 9 years of each other, each loss brought up different emotions of grief as each relationship was specific to itself. I was thrown apart with each loss, so many emotions coursing through my body, I have never recovered from and am not the same person I was before. I am more aloof, more distant and less trusting of closeness with people. My animals seem to give me the unconditional, non-judgemental support of any living being in my life but when I lose one it throws me into a tailspin I don't know I'll ever recover from. Like I said in a previous post each loss is just making things worse and worse. Sure my husband is very supportive and has been with me in all my losses, he thought the world of my family and took their deaths hard but he thinks that I'm going through way too much, I'm only 56 and only have one family member left and that isn't the best relationship. My husband has not suffered any losses in his family yet (his parents are in their 80's and in good health) I dread the day when he begins to experience what I have. At least I'll be there and know the grief and be compassionate in his experience. Perhaps this is one of my purposes in life. Oh , I'm rambling again perhaps I need to go to one of the other forums to share my human losses.

Thank you so much Marty. continuation...... It's Wednesday morning and we take Merlin to the vet, she looks at him and says he's dehydrated and she wants to do xrays and get him on IV fluids. She is unsure what she is going to see on the xray, she mentions what he could have possibly ingested and I said he likes string but I've been diligent at keeping all string like objects far from him. He also liked chewing on plastic bags but I checked all bags and he only chewed but didn't break pieces off. She is very concerned that he isn't eating or drinking at all and told us she suspected the possibility of a tumor blocking off his stomach. We asked about surgery and the vet said she had the estimate ready and we asked if she would consider a payment plan, she said of course for you guys I will, the estimate would be around $1,500 for the xray, IV, and possible MRI if needed, the surgery would be more. She said that she will call us about the xray results. We left and I took my husband to work so I could have the car. I got home about 9:15 to a message waiting on the phone so I called immediately and the Dr. said that his xrays did not look good at all. She could see his intestines fusing which wasn't allowing food or drink to go in and why he was bringing up bile. She said she could do exploratory surgery to see what was causing this but she didn't sound hopeful at all. I said I'll call my husband and we'll go from there. My husband called her and said to go ahead with the surgery, and she said it will be about 3 or 4 hours before we'll learn anything. She called me at 3 p.m. and told me that Merlin was still in surgery and that she left to call me with the sad news, his intestines were full of tumors which were fusing them all together. She could make him comfortable with prednisone so we could have more time with him but she was concerned that with him not eating or drinking he will starve himself and what that would do to us. I said no, we can't do that to him, prolonging his life will only be for us and that would be selfish. I said to let him go, she said she won't even wake him up and to end his life on the table. I said I can't be there to see him take his last breath, I did that with Tough Guy and that image has never left me. I said that we will be there and can I bring his brother Louie to say goodbye? She said of course, she will have him ready for us. Oh this memory is so hard. She then asked if we wanted to take him home to bury him and I said that my husband will want him cremated and put beside our last cat and she said of course. I put Louie in the car and went to get my husband. We walked into the vet office and the receptionist was there and came around to give us hugs then escorted us into another room for privacy. The vet came in with Merlin wrapped up in a blanket and I asked, "He is gone, right?" She nodded then said, "Take as long as you like, there's no rush." and left the room. We sobbed and petted him and kissed him, I was in shock seeing him like that when just a few hours before he was a perfectly healthy looking cat. I placed Louie on the table beside him and he just looked and sniffed his head and turned away jumping off the table. I don't know if he realized or it was just his way or intimidated by being in the vet office. Maybe he'll be different at home when he realizes his brother isn't there anymore. My husband is taking this very hard, you see, Merlin picked him. When we went to meet the kittens at the breeders all the kittens ran away except for this one little orange one, he stayed at his feet. My husband picked him up and he went for the shoulder and sat up there, he was a keeper. After that he loved sitting on his shoulder walking around, even as he grew bigger and heavier he would cling on to the shoulder and ride along. I'll post pictures later of his shoulder cat. What we can't understand is why he showed no symptoms, no chance to fix this. Was it his time to go and what was it about his presence in our life that he was here to teach us what was it I or we needed to learn from all this? I'm not a religious person but I do believe in our energy changes form when our physical ends. It's been a little over 3 weeks and I'm not doing well at all. I can't sleep unless I am exhausted and then it's only in spurts. I cry so hard, I find myself wailing (only when I'm alone) my husband isn't home when I do that, he sees the tears but he doesn't see the raw emotion. I just don't get it, I just don't understand. Merlin was bigger than life, we he walked into a room you knew he was there. He was so involved in our life so much a part of it. He would lie beside either one of us and start licking our hand, arm or whatever skin was exposed. He would lie behind my head and lick my hair or just put one of his giant paws out to touch me. The hardest part for me is lying down in bed, Merlin would lie behind me and give me back massages, he didn't just knead the back he would actually get the pressure points, I think he was a masseuse disguised as a cat. Now, when I lie down for a nap, I can't nap, I get right back up and cry. Feeding time is so hard. I had to feed him and his brother in separate rooms just so Louie would get all his food, Merlin liked to take over the feeding dishes. Also, because he was diabetic I had to make sure he got the food he needed. I would have the dishes out and getting the food and he would be screaming, now if you picture a 22 lb cat you would expect a loud meow, no, it was a squeak or more like that sound of a lamb going baaa. His mouth was open huge with this tiny meow coming out, but boy he would belt it out and be so impatient. Yes, feeding time is so hard not hearing that anymore. Easter weekend we brought Merlin's ashes home in a beautiful gold urn and placed him beside Tough Guy in his blue urn. They both have a place of honor on top of my great grandmother's curio cabinet/desk. Then the card came in the mail from the vet office they had a print of Merlin's paw in the card and personalized the letter so it wasn't a generic card, they really do care about their clients and fur kids. Thank you for listening and providing this place for us to vent and share our losses, not too many people understand the love for our pets many of us have and when we lose them it's just as heartwrenching as losing our human family members. I know, I've lost most of my family now and each loss doesn't make the next one less at all, in fact I think it's getting worse with each one. I wish I knew about this place (but it probably didn't exist) when I started losing my family one by one. I lost 4 within the space of 9 years and then lost Tough Guy in the midst of all that too. I should have had Merlin longer than 8 years and it's tearing me apart that he was so young.

continuation.... When we decided on the Maine Coon breed I started searching for breeders, I thought this was the way to go since I would be certain of their ancestral history. I grew up with pure breds, German Shephard, Persian Cat, Poodle (although the poodle did have some family mixup there, half brother mated with mother) I know that was bad, but he was a good dog. Enough of that I'll get back to my Maine Coon search and result. All of the breeders I researched were asking huge prices, $700 up to $1000 for one kitten and with many stipulations and contracts. I was shocked at their expectations. Yes, we would have them neutered and no we wouldn't declaw and since they were going to be neutered we couldn't show them as show cats. OK, I respect their rules but I didn't like having to sign on the dotted line to do so. So my search continued. I finally found a lady who bred only Maine Coons and charged less than half the price these other breeders were and she did ask our stance on neutering and declawing and we told her were for neutering and dead set against declawing. She didn't have us sign anything, just took us at our word. So, we went home with two adorable Maine Coons, Merlin was an orange tabby with the M on the forehead, had mackerel stripes down his body and golden eyes and his brother Louie is pure white with green eyes. For 3 years we enjoyed the pace of their growth, and I was determined to watch their diet and keep them healthy, no human food and the best quality I could find, no Puss n Boots, Fancy Feast or 9Lives for them they were having the best, so I thought. I started them on kitten Maine Coon kibble by Royal Canin since Maine Coons have large mouths they tend to just swallow small food but this kibble was larger and forced them to actually chew. Then they both started to lose weight, I took them to the vet and found they both had worms, got the meds for that and home we came. Louie put the weight back on but Merlin wasn't, so back to the vet we went. The vet did some tests and suspected thyroid because of Merlin's age, we were shocked when it came back that he was diabetic. So the research was back on, what can I do to keep this dis-ease at bay, I was giving him 6 units insulin twice a day and changed to canned food with kibble as a treat. I food that raw for cats would help the diabetes so I consulted the vet and she was skeptical but supported me. His next blood test 3 weeks later, the vet was flabbergasted, his numbers were way down and I could start him at 1/2 the insulin, so he was only getting 3 units twice a day. This continued on with no more health issues at all. I asked the vet about stopping the yearly vaccinations because of the diabetes and she agreed, since they were strictly indoor cats there wasn't an issue. Fast forward 5 years,,,, present day. Merlin was doing so well, he weighed in at 22 lbs, his brother Louie weighed in at 17 lbs.... healthy and active,,, well, Merlin was more of a Garfield type with short bursts of energy whereas Louie was a bundle of energy through and through. Thursday March 10th, Merlin started to throw up bile, I thought this was odd and kept an eye on him. He ate well that night and drank his water and ate his dried food snack that night. Friday morning he ate most of his food I noticed him throwing up just bile again a couple of more times, I didn't like this and called the vet, we went in at noon and she suspected maybe he injested something the disagreed with him. And to see how he did that night. He ate even less that night and in the morning he refused his food and water. I was alarmed and called the vet Saturday and she thought maybe he was bunged up (constipated). All day Sunday I got him to drink a little tuna juice and ate a little yogurt (he just loved those as a treat). Monday he refused everything completely and was still throwing up bile. Back again to the vet we went and she put a fluid pack injected at his shoulder blades to keep him from getting dehydrated. She noticed some teeth that were suspect and thought maybe we were in for some dental work and prescribed some pain meds just in case it was his teeth that was causing his issues. Tuesday he was still throwing up and refused his tuna and yogurt completely. He tried to do the water but just sat looking at his bowl. His energy was still good, he was not lethargic and his eyes were bright. We were just puzzled as to what was going on with our boy. We were told to bring him in Wednesday morning at 8:30 a.m. to be continued...... this part is getting hard, I know I'm telling a story, could be more for my benefit than for anyone else, but please bear with me.

On March 16th I lost my Merlin, a beautiful Maine Coon at only 8 years old. He was born Feb. 12 (day after my birthday) 2008 and we brought him and his brother Louie home when they were 8 weeks old in April (around this same time). A little background on us, we had a mixed breed orange/white Tabby shorthair and he was large for his breed, 14 lbs, long and lean. His personality was that of a dog, he came when called, he walked my husband to the door and greeted him at night. He would not show favorites and sat between us with a paw and leg on each of us. His name was Tuffy, renamed to Tough Guy when he won a fight with a bunch of barn cats. For 12 years he gave us joy. I took him for his annual vaccinations August 27 of 2002, the vet was getting ready to leave for his winter getaway and quickly looked over Tough Guy and gave him his shot, saying he was a very healthy cat much younger than his actual age. The next day he started acting listless, would not get up off the floor when we walked by, which he always did. Then he started drinking a lot which was unusual. I called our vet since he hadn't left yet, but he recommended we take him to another vet (she bought his brick and mortar vet business, he had a mobile business at this point). This was the long weekend coming up (labor day weekend) and she was closed evenings, so we took him to the emergency vet and they did not know what was going on. Took him back to the first vet August 29 and she kept him overnight, then called us and said he took a turn for the worse and his lungs were filling up, they still didn't know what caused this, on August 30, 2002 we had to say goodbye. I was with him at the end and it was the hardest thing I ever did (I'm crying even now at that memory). Later when the vet who gave him his yearly shot came back I discussed it with him, and he felt so bad, he knew how much Tough Guy meant to us. The only thing he thought of was that if a cat has any elevated temperature than they should not have been given a vaccination, and for him to show distress so soon, he suspected this was the case... and berated himself for being in such a hurry. (He has since retired from veterinary service and sold his mobile unit). It took us 5 years before we even considered getting another pet, then when we did we wanted a large cat and 2 of them to be company for each other. A friend told me to research the Maine Coon breed, and what I saw was so similar to the personality of Tough Guy (not that we could replace him) but different in looks and body build. A year later, hence came along Merlin and Louie. Sorry this is so long, I'll continue with my Merlin and Louie saga in another post..... it's so fresh that I can't see to type right now.