louie

I Really don't want to be alone again. I don't want to get back where I started. I just want to feel at home..

It feel so very very hard. everywhere I go I remember fully every thing we spend together. Even sleeping. at the office, at home and even going to eat everywhere I go. I feel like I need to accept that I really am alone. I'm even wish if only I'm the one and not her mother. I Really feel so alone.

Thank You. I can breath a bit now that I have expressed it. I'll just wait for her to come back. she just texted me that we'll meet when she is back and she wants to say something before we part ways.

Thank You So Much Kayc. Your Word Means so Much to me. Yes I'm very scared being alone. Being alone for 24 years is so tough. having an abusive parents, having classmates scared at me because of my family. No friends to talk to. No family to lean on. I only have myself for 23 yrs. Work myself hard enough save money to become independent. For as long as remember I made my life dedicated to work. Drown Myself to work and sleep then wake up to work and school then work till midnight. I always wanted to have a good family to go home to.My only dream is just to have a home to go to. 3 yrs ago My life change when I met her. She is the only one who keeps talking to me without any favor or anything. Just plain talking. I remember our first conversation is she asking why I'm always working even in school. she told me just have some fun while we're still young. days past and we talked and let me played her games in facebook. It's first time having fun and I felt so warm being with her. Few months past and I went on graduate college while she still have one year left. In my last day in school I gave her a card I made for her telling what I feel. She told me she feels the same. I Remember each and every conversation we had. All the problems all the secret we shared. I have so much fun being with her. I then promised myself that My goal is to make her Happy and to protect her. I take my professional exam and work for a few months then I opened my own firm just to have more time for her. Then she graduated and we both work together and also have fun. Everything feels like a dream. I never expect to be this happy. We discuss our future together and promised ourself to work hard and in our 5th year together we'll get married. Having introduced by her parents I feel soo Happy. I never get a chance to see her father because he worked abroad. but for the first time I feel a Mother's Love.her mother always welcome me on their home. giving me foods and even more foods for take outs and invited me on their birthdays and even on my birthday. Everything Really Feels like a Dream. But It's just a dream. a dream that may never come true. Her Mother, the closest mother I had is not here anymore, and now My girlfriend broke up with me. And Now I'm back being alone, no one else to go to. I feel lost. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. What I'm going to do. Right now I'm Really lost. I'm back being alone.

I Really Want to Hug her so tight.

I just recieved a text. She told me we need to break up. She said she doesn't feels like it. That is all she wanted to say. No matter how hard I tried she just leave. Without anything. Just because she doesn't feels like it? It felt like everything we promised, everything we had prepared all thrown away just because she doesn't feels like it. All feeling I had in for her crushed because she doesn't feels like it? Looking at her picture right now. looking back in few days I'm not sure if she really is grieving or just having fun. Greiving in a beach? No time to talk with me but have time to thank people who like her profile pic? Haaaaaaaaaay! I Really am right 3 years ago and since childhood I thought I need only myself and trust only to myself and believe only to myself. It looks like I'm right. I am 100% Right. No Family, No Friends No one I can rely on I just really don't care. I'm just waaay too Foolish to think someone will have an impact in my life. Just when I thought I could finally have a dream to have a good warm family. Just thrown away because she doesn't feels like it. hay.... I Really Really just wanted to be loved to be felt the warm love. A warm feeling of a good family, friends to talk to or even just a loved one I can look forward and protect. I have just realize it is just a fantasy.Just a one man's foolish dream.

I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine of us breaking up. or am I assume on to things.

Help!!! I might lose her! She suddenly just texted me a while ago. here is how she texted me. "Louie, I'm sorry, We need to talk when I get home. I have something to tell you when I get back." I Really Don't know what to do!!!

I'm trying my best not to contact her. Only just limit on usual greeting on her of good morning and good night. I tried to go to gym and work and take classes to take it off my mind.and always have the phone besides me in case she needs me. I just hope that she is ok and safe.

But I don't know if it is right to text her good morning or good night. Thats the only thing I texted her for the past few days. I'm not sure if it is ok or not.I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry. I sound so foolish. I didn't texted her or contact her in any way. I tried give her space. I haven't contact anything to her.

Right now I'm Afraid I might lose her. And that she won't text me even if I waited too long. she is the only one I have, Someone I can talk to and to be with.The only one I can Trust. She and her parents are the only one I considered as a Family. If I lose her I don't have anyone else to be.I felt crushed about her mom. And now I'm afraid of losing her I'm afraid I have no one else to protect. nothing to be look forward to in the future.

I thought of not greeting her and just wait for her to text and come back.

I don't know if I'm doing right greeting her every morning and every night.

I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. I'm not sure if i'm doing right thing or not.