Patricia B

You guys are so wonderful. Thank you so much......

Lost George suddenly and unexpectedly June 3, 2017. 9 months ago. I can hardly believe it's been that long ago.  I have yet to clean out the closet. I periodically get mail from Vietnam Vets announcing a pick-up day. They particularly need clothing. The last one just came with a pick-up date of March 15th. I know my husband would approve of this. He served in the Air Force during the Vietnam Era. Just typing this post, I notice that my teeth are clenching and anxiety is rising. I feel I should do it this time. At least partially. My question is...what should I expect? What have been your experiences?  Have I waited a long time or is this common? I THINK that it will be difficult, but that after its done there will be some relief and sense of accomplishment.

Please Share....

Pat

Me too. Lost George June 3rd of 2017. Can't believe its been 7 months. The rest of the year has been just a blur. Yes, New Years is the worst.....

Guess all we can do is just hang in there, and let the time pass. Looking for that light at the end of the tunnel....Take care of yourself

I went to Marty's link and didn't come back here thinking there may be no replies since it had already been discussed. Just checked back now. Happy to see that it sounds like my feelings are pretty normal. The conflicted feeling is mostly about what society expects me to do. The bottom line is that I want to keep it on. So that's what I will do. I will listen to my heart. I love that ring.

Oh my gosh...thank you Marty.

How do others handle them? Seeing my ring on my hand breaks my heart, but thinking about taking it off breaks my heart even more. My husband was buried with his ring on. Couldn't imagine him without it. I can't imagine me without it either. There's no right or wrong here. Just interested in knowing what others have experienced and done. Somehow "till death do us part" doesn't seem correct anymore. The feeling seems eternal.

The tears are starting to help, but they come from a place so deep.and foreign its almost frightening. I find that I feel my worst after I don't cry for awhile. The tears get stuck and the tension keeps building until it turns into this huge ball of pain and fear in my chest. Sometimes music helps me break through. What do you guys do? Anyone else experience this "stuck" "frozen" feeling sometimes?

If this topic exists and I somehow missed it, my apologies. Also, if is considered off limits for some reason, just let me know. Wanted to bring it up, share, and perhaps get info from others.

Throughout my life I have periodically battled occasional problems with depression and anxiety. For many years I have been fine with just a maintenance dose of an anti-depressant. I always told my husband that I wanted to go first because I doubted I could handle it the other way around. Needless to say, that is not what has happened and I was and am so very frightened of sinking beyond "normal" grief. Without him to support me it is terrifying to imagine.

I do have a psychiatrist and he has given me a prescription for xanax. He had given me enough for one month at a certain dose. I have not exceeded that but that month is coming to a close. Don't know what he will do when I ask for a refill. My past problems have gotten worse when I was unable to eat or sleep properly. The xanax allows me to do both. In that sense it is valuable to me.

Is anyone on any type of medication or supplements to help them through this awful time?  If so, what have you found helpful. I do not want to exchange one problem for another.

On 6/29/2017 at 4:54 AM, mittam99 said:

Pat, the ebb and flow of grief will be with us forever. My wife Tammy died on March 6, 2015 and I still have moments of angst that are very intense. Unfortunately for us, time doesn't heal all wounds. This is a wound so profoundly deep that there is no way it hasn't "scarred" us for life. With deep love come even deeper heartache.

Having said that, in time, you do learn to at least cope. You learn what helps and what doesn't help. It's not easy in any way. Grief is hard work.

The hope for the future is that we can somehow find a way to make a life that at least has some contentment to it. That's my goal anyway. I know my life will never have the same joy it once had. I had a once in a lifetime love story with Tammy. Tammy will always serve as my inspiration moving forward. Her courage and her love is forever etched on my soul.

Today is a new day on our journey. Let's see where it takes us.

Mitch

Mitch,

The power of this loss and the impact it is having on me is staggering. I never realized what losing a spouse meant before. Its only partly about losing that person and just as much about losing half of your own personality. How do you even begin to regain that? Is it a matter of coping, rebuilding? How do you even start? Sort of frightening to be 69 years old and trying to figure out who I am and where I fit in.

Its been 2 weeks since the funeral. Just finished writing thank you cards. How I got through it, I will never know. It felt almost as if someone was helping me do it.

Strange.

One month tomorrow for me...I'm just a baby here and I sure feel like one lately...

Thank you for moving my topic to the appropriate place. Here is another of my favorites:

When winter's rains and ruins are over, and all the seasons of snows and sins.

The days dividing lover and lover, the light that loses, the night that wins.

And time remembered is grief forgotten, and frosts are slain and flowers begotten.

Amid deep underwood and cover, blossom by blossom the spring begins.

                                                                                                      -Algernon Charles Swinburne-

I want to see and feel spring again. I don't want to live in sorrow forever. I will try to take this journey blossom by blossom.

Thought this might be a good place to start a topic for anything that has helped anyone  of us on our painful journeys. Quotes, books, stories, photos, pictures or what have you. This has always been one of my favorite quotes:

Pain, which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart.

until, in our despair, against our will, comes wisdom,

through the awful grace of God. 

                                                                         -Aeschylus-

Thank you Darrel. As long as I know there is at least some type of respite

coming in the future. Sometimes it scares me to see that there are some that sound as if there is no relief in sight.

Something Gwen said really hit home with me. I used to always feel calmer and better after I would cry about something. This is the first time in my life that it doesn't help.

I just CANNOT believe he's gone. Today was a bad day for me. The reality of it all starts seeping in and I either hyperventilate or forget to breathe at all. I just miss him SO much. The word "heartbroken", never held such a deep meaning for me before.

GRRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRUUUUHHHGGGGGGGG !!!!!!!!

I'm sick of being mature and strong and civilized!!!!!!

I found this to be very, very true and am struggling with this greatly...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201509/grief-and-fear

Wow, woke up at 4:00 am and felt really panicky. Thinking about all the responsibilities and the thousands of things i have to take care of and how am I ever going to pay for everything and and and........feeling a little better after an hour or so but Jeeez. Just needed to cry on all your shoulders.

It does feel like a load is off mu\y shoulders, but now I have to learn how to live again. I told my husband's widowed aunt that I'll take it one day at a time. She said that was fine, but to make it more like one inch at a time.

It's been 2 weeks since my husband's death but services were delayed for various reasons until today. It is fitting that this is the longest day of the year since it certainly seemed like the longest day of my life. I dreaded this day, so I am relieved it is over, but right now I am drained and exhausted, so its hard to tell how I feel. My question is, did having the funeral over with help at all?

On 6/17/2017 at 6:19 PM, kevin said:

Discussion or Grief groups are helpful but I find if the people or person involved, have not actually suffered a loss it is not real...People mean well, but unless you know the Hollow/Empty/purposeless/ feeling......I see little value....This forum gets it, widowers/widows I talk to, get it......my family doesn't get it..they say the right words...But still ask when is the old Dad coming back.....Truth is , Old Dad is gone, Grief changes you.....Actually makes you a more understanding and "Better" person...but it hurts....

Yes, yes, yes,...what has shocked me the most, is not only is the person gone, but also everything you enjoyed together. Without the sharing aspect, these things  become meaningless and uninteresting. So, not only have I lost my husband, but also the joy in all of that. Even the silliest little TV shows. We always loved watching "Project Runway" together. I just heard the new season is coming up, and its like "who cares"?

Thanks Kevin. Its been two weeks and I think the shock is wearing off a little. Unfortunately now the reality is sinking in. Thank you for advice on diet. I will try.

Marg, I've heard that quote from Rose Kennedy. she certainly had more than her share, I will welcome scar tissue...anything to dull the pain.