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Patricia B

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About Patricia B

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    June 3, 2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Las Vegas, Nevada

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  1. Lost George suddenly and unexpectedly June 3, 2017. 9 months ago. I can hardly believe it's been that long ago. I have yet to clean out the closet. I periodically get mail from Vietnam Vets announcing a pick-up day. They particularly need clothing. The last one just came with a pick-up date of March 15th. I know my husband would approve of this. He served in the Air Force during the Vietnam Era. Just typing this post, I notice that my teeth are clenching and anxiety is rising. I feel I should do it this time. At least partially. My question is...what should I expect? What have been your experiences? Have I waited a long time or is this common? I THINK that it will be difficult, but that after its done there will be some relief and sense of accomplishment. Please Share.... Pat
  2. Me too. Lost George June 3rd of 2017. Can't believe its been 7 months. The rest of the year has been just a blur. Yes, New Years is the worst..... Guess all we can do is just hang in there, and let the time pass. Looking for that light at the end of the tunnel....Take care of yourself
  3. I went to Marty's link and didn't come back here thinking there may be no replies since it had already been discussed. Just checked back now. Happy to see that it sounds like my feelings are pretty normal. The conflicted feeling is mostly about what society expects me to do. The bottom line is that I want to keep it on. So that's what I will do. I will listen to my heart. I love that ring.
  4. How do others handle them? Seeing my ring on my hand breaks my heart, but thinking about taking it off breaks my heart even more. My husband was buried with his ring on. Couldn't imagine him without it. I can't imagine me without it either. There's no right or wrong here. Just interested in knowing what others have experienced and done. Somehow "till death do us part" doesn't seem correct anymore. The feeling seems eternal.
  5. The tears are starting to help, but they come from a place so deep.and foreign its almost frightening. I find that I feel my worst after I don't cry for awhile. The tears get stuck and the tension keeps building until it turns into this huge ball of pain and fear in my chest. Sometimes music helps me break through. What do you guys do? Anyone else experience this "stuck" "frozen" feeling sometimes?
  6. If this topic exists and I somehow missed it, my apologies. Also, if is considered off limits for some reason, just let me know. Wanted to bring it up, share, and perhaps get info from others. Throughout my life I have periodically battled occasional problems with depression and anxiety. For many years I have been fine with just a maintenance dose of an anti-depressant. I always told my husband that I wanted to go first because I doubted I could handle it the other way around. Needless to say, that is not what has happened and I was and am so very frightened of sinking beyond "normal" grief. Without him to support me it is terrifying to imagine. I do have a psychiatrist and he has given me a prescription for xanax. He had given me enough for one month at a certain dose. I have not exceeded that but that month is coming to a close. Don't know what he will do when I ask for a refill. My past problems have gotten worse when I was unable to eat or sleep properly. The xanax allows me to do both. In that sense it is valuable to me. Is anyone on any type of medication or supplements to help them through this awful time? If so, what have you found helpful. I do not want to exchange one problem for another.
  7. Mitch, The power of this loss and the impact it is having on me is staggering. I never realized what losing a spouse meant before. Its only partly about losing that person and just as much about losing half of your own personality. How do you even begin to regain that? Is it a matter of coping, rebuilding? How do you even start? Sort of frightening to be 69 years old and trying to figure out who I am and where I fit in. Its been 2 weeks since the funeral. Just finished writing thank you cards. How I got through it, I will never know. It felt almost as if someone was helping me do it. Strange.
  8. One month tomorrow for me...I'm just a baby here and I sure feel like one lately...
  9. Thank you for moving my topic to the appropriate place. Here is another of my favorites: When winter's rains and ruins are over, and all the seasons of snows and sins. The days dividing lover and lover, the light that loses, the night that wins. And time remembered is grief forgotten, and frosts are slain and flowers begotten. Amid deep underwood and cover, blossom by blossom the spring begins. -Algernon Charles Swinburne- I want to see and feel spring again. I don't want to live in sorrow forever. I will try to take this journey blossom by blossom.
  10. Thought this might be a good place to start a topic for anything that has helped anyone of us on our painful journeys. Quotes, books, stories, photos, pictures or what have you. This has always been one of my favorite quotes: Pain, which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart. until, in our despair, against our will, comes wisdom, through the awful grace of God. -Aeschylus-
  11. Thank you Darrel. As long as I know there is at least some type of respite coming in the future. Sometimes it scares me to see that there are some that sound as if there is no relief in sight.
  12. Something Gwen said really hit home with me. I used to always feel calmer and better after I would cry about something. This is the first time in my life that it doesn't help.
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