Shoosie2

Good Morning Everyone I haven't had much of a chance to post anything recently, but I do read everything. I just had to ask this question. Two days after my Rick passed, December 20, 2017, I was trying to log onto his Yahoo account. It wouldn't let me in, since I was using the password he told me months prior to use. I was freaking out, because all of our e-bills and financial stuff, and emails from friends and our then-running marmalade business, and then Yahoo linked him up to Facebook and then Messenger. Rick took care of all the financials and contacts since he was retired, and I am still working a full time job. In my panic, I started going through files, etc, but nothing. I then looked over at a dusty Rolodex on the windowsill. I hadn't looked in it for years. Guess what the Rolodex was turned to? Yahoo, with his new password. I knew for a fact that was my Rick. But in the 3 months (today) since he passed, there has been nothing else from him. Nothing. And it has made me sad to know he's no longer around. He had completely rebuilt our house from the studs up, and built our guest house all by himself, so just being in our house gives me comfort. But I was sad that I didn't feel his 'presence'. Well, Monday I was getting ready to leave work. I now drive his Mini, which has a fob for a key. I unlocked the door, sat in the seat, and I hadn't had a chance to insert the fob into the ignition when the radio turned on all by itself! OK, I thought, that's odd. When I got home, my sister, who has been staying in the guest house since Rick's passing, came up and said 'don't ask me what is going on with the TV and radio'. When I leave for work, I leave the radio on for my dogs, and the TV is off. She came up to the house about noon, and the radio was off, and the TV was on. Not only that, but nothing worked on the remote....nothing. Turns out, the TV in the guest house did the same, and then hers changed channels all by itself. She thought there must be something wrong with the Satellite box. She then went into one of the bedrooms where all of his marmalades are stored, and she picked up a jar, and instantaneously broke into wracking sobs, out of nowhere! She left the guesthouse, thinking that Rick was there. She checked the dogs, but they weren't acting differently. I contacted DISH, took the day off yesterday, and the technician was there for 2 hours, checking and re-checking both TV's, satellite box, everything.......he couldn't find anything wrong. He just re-set everything, and it's working fine again. Now maybe I'm over-thinking this, but the car radio, the TV's and the satellite going screwy all at once seems strange. Maybe my Rick was letting us know he's still there. What are your thoughts? Have you been 'visited' by your loved one? Shoosie AKA Steph

Hi Kevin, You and are in the same boat, without an oar. My Rick left this earth on December 20, 2017 and today is February 6, so it's been 7 weeks of trying to make some kind of sense out of my now bizarre existence without him. I was feeling pretty good for the past week, with no crying, just some choking up. Then the roller coaster started again yesterday, and I cried for so long and so hard that I ended up with a major headache and unable to sleep (not that sleep is a readily-found commodity in my home anymore). I feel exactly like your headline- back to the beginning- I feel just as bad today as I did back in the early days in January, and I'm so sad and blue today. I have to force myself to smile at anything, and seek something pretty to color my bleak word. It's a very early spring here in Northern California, and the daffodils are coming out, and the almond orchards are blooming. So I have to appreciate that beauty and force myself to think of something besides missing my husband. My bandaid has been torn from my broken-heart wound, and now I have to wait for the scab to heal up again. This is so exhausting! FYI, I have discovered a website Meetup.com where people of all ages meet up to go to meals, hiking, dancing, meditating- really anything you want to do, there is a meet up group for that. This is NOT a dating site- it's a social group website. I thought I see what's available in my area, but right now, I'm not good company for anyone. Last Friday I was going to do a Meetup bird watching group, but today I can't think of doing anything with anyone because they are not Rick. I feel like an addict- I've had a relapse on grief and I'm back to square on. Hugs to All who are going through this SUCKY process. I am trying to console myself that at least he's not suffering or in pain, and that makes the grief a bit easier. Steph