Kate2

My mom is dying today.  Been on high doses of morphine but she is still not letting go.  I was with her 24 hours and came home to try to sleep.  My brother and sister are with her now.  She was my best friend, and I, hers.  I took care of her for many years now.  But I feel tremendous guilt as this past year she has been in a nursing home.  I would see her 3 or 4 times a week, but it wasn’t enough.  She lost the will to go on.  I feel so guilty I did not have her in my house.  

And I can’t bear being away from her right now while I try to sleep.  I held her hand all night last night and kept telling her I loved her.   My dad died 24 years ago.  

I feel so alone. She was the best woman in the world. 

Thank you @kayc for your kind words and encouragement.  It is so helpful to know others are there who understand the grief.  

Hi Quiksand

I am wondering how you are doing now.  You have been through alot of stress being a caregiver and then went right to dealing with grief.  

I can relate to you.  I have taken care of my mom for 5 years.  She is my best friend.  I have been so lonely watching her decline.  As she lost alot of memories, short and long term, I watched my best friend/mom slip away.  I have been grieving for 5 years now.  

My mom is actively dying now.  It may be a day or a week.  It is so hard to know that I will be all alone.  Not only have I lost my best friend, but will lose my purpose in life, as her caregiver.  

I would give anything to have another year of changing her diapers and feeding her.  I miss her so much already.  

I hope you are doing OK.  And I understand your grief and loneliness.  My life as a caregiver, excluded me from having any friends or social life.  I don’t know what I will do with myself now.