Thank you all for your responses. I kind of felt like I was taking a step backwards when I should be moving forwards but it's good to know that it's not uncommon.
Enna, I can't imaging losing 3 siblings. Of course, my sister and I didn't have any other siblings (it was just her and I) but I don't think I could go through this again.
I have pictures of us at my mom's place, and my mind keeps picturing the group shot of us with my mom and stepfather. It's like those movies where they show people fading out, you know? Of the group of four, I have lost all the other 3 in the past 5 years and I am the only one left. While my mother and stepfather's passing were difficult (of course) you do expect at some point in your life to lose your parents (it's the natural order of things). I miss them terribly, but at least I had my sister who felt exactly the same way I did. I also knew one of us would go first of course, but didn't expect that to be for at least another 30 years...
So much loss has made me completely paranoid. My husband had problems with his vision last month and it sent me into a complete panic attack until he had it checked (my mothers' cancer was discovered after it had already spread to her brain and interfered with her vision). Every twinge or ache I have I'm sure it's cancer, although logically I know it isn't and I don't want to turn into a hypocondriac (sp?). I'm sure I'm dealing with a great deal of anxiety (I'm on blood pressure meds and have anti anxiety medication which I hesitate to use due to its addicting nature). I just feel very lost right now.
Regarding my brother in law, I know he is grieving deeply as well. He loved her to distraction and took great care of her right until the very end. I'm more upset with the neighbour...she was there (almost too much) towards the end with my sister helping and being there all the time and seems to have just slidden right in after she passed. I knew I would have to deal with my brother in law dating again eventually - he is still young and I certainly don't expect that he will alone forever, however him telling me this news just over two months after her passing, and then her coming over to his house about an hour after he told us and starting to suggest double dates made me want to run. I have tried inviting him out multiple times but he has declined the invitations. I told him that I know we all grieve differently and I was not judging him however I was concerned he was not making good decisions so soon in the grieving process (he has a 12 year old daughter it also effects) and while he is free to grieve as he wishes, it was far too soon for me to be able to deal with it. Like I said, I'm trying to be supportive, but also protective of my own feelings.
Thank you all for listening, I really appreciate it.