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Nyanga B.

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Posts posted by Nyanga B.

  1.  

    Hi,

    I just lost my dog and it really hurts,

    My long-time loyal pal and cuddle-buddy.

    Nobody gets how painful it is,

    No support from friends and family

    Everyone’s thinking “It’s just a dog… why make such a fuss?”

    They don’t get me!

    A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning and discovered a humongous golf-ball-sized lump on my dog - Kingpin.

    Of course, I ran to receive care from google and everything I found online was promising and reassuring.

    I went to the vet in the morning, they aspirated the lump, and then I waited.  

    It would be fine, I figured.  It always is.  Besides, Google said so and we all know everything on the Internet is true. LOL!

    Then the vet called and all of a sudden my calm shattered . . . cancer!  

    Long-short, the lump was removed and I got a voicemail from the vet - it was a hemangiopericytoma

    Well, that was more like good-bad news. You know, the best-case-cancer-scenario. 

    The whole tumor was removed with clean margins and this type of cancer has a low rate of recurrence (as i was told) 

    No need for puppy chemo or radiation or tough treatment decisions.

    What a sigh of relief….

    Then the worst happened - some days later Kingpin died in his sleep.

    I have no clue how or why that happened

    I wish i could do an autopsy or something

    Honestly, that has been the most shocking, unexpected and painful thing that has ever happened to me

    I can’t concentrate at work and it is harder because my boss wouldn’t get why losing my dog is such a big deal - he isn’t such a pet lover after all.

    A huge part of me feel really guilty - like there is something more I should have done

    This time, Google doesn’t seem to have the help I need - at all!

    Blog posts and articles here and there, giving me tips and hacks to process my grief that don’t seem to work at all.

    In fact, it is so painful that I can't even follow the so-called steps to help me cope with my grief.

    I wanted help - real help.

    Somebody? Anybody...

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