Hi,
I don't know where to start either...have never posted or been in the position of loosing someone close. I just lost my big brother also, though he was older (57 yrs) he was WAY to young to die. We are a year apart. He died on July 14th, & I watched him go, it was devastating. The weird thing is, it was 3 months ago, & it feels like yesterday. I was thinking just this morning, I feel like my life is FOREVER changed, & I'm NOT ready. I have to march forward, & if I turn around I will be met with a glass wall that I can't break through. I can see my life and all that was, but I can't go there ANY MORE. I'm forced to go the opposite direction. Life is pushing me to walk forward, but I feel like I'm sitting up against that glass wall and refusing to move. When will I stand up and walk forward and leave him and my old life behind? All I do when I think about him, is shake my head, I just can't accept it.
So, I FEEL your pain. This is, by far, the hardest thing I have EVER had to deal with. You have my deepest sympathy. You said that you lost your Dad 3 years ago, I can't even imagine that. Both of my parents are still alive (and working) but now seem to be changing. My mom is changing DRASTICALLY, she was working a food pantry, & a lot of church work, & my Dad runs a saw mill. What now? I don't know what to expect from all of this...they are going to give up?
I'm wondering when you lost your brother? I think what you are dealing is WAY worse because it sounds sudden. Sudden death has to be a "different animal," so to speak because you are not expecting it obviously. When you are taken by surprise like that, I can't imagine the impact. I hope I never know, but who knows what we will have to deal with. This is life? We are forced. It's annihilating.
I hope you don't write back and say that your brother died 3 years ago. I wish I knew what to say to you to make you feel better, but I haven't found a way. Brothers are great aren't they? Kind of a care taker, trying to show you the right way to look at things, gentle, & kind. Too kind honestly, my brother was. He was too kind.
Anyway. Maybe when you have a bad day, just write about it. I will be your sounding board, or try to?
Take Care of yourself.
