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HighwayStar

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About HighwayStar

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    Oslo

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  1. So, after my post on Facebook I went radio silent. Two days ago I'm almost home from my evening walk and out of the blue I get a text from her. Immediately I started laughing as I was thinking "do women have a radar installed sensing when men are starting to feel better"? She wrote: hope your father is getting even better and that you are doing fine. Quitting smoking for 3 months is a great acchievement! Thinking of you... After a while I answered back, honestly and lighthearted(which I was feeling): Thanks! All is well here and I'm taking him out for a daytrip on Friday. Thinking of you too. ;) An hour later I get another text saying: Great! To everything... Glad to hear you are thinking of me too(with a relieved smiley). I didn't text back. On Monday I felt happy that she reached out to me but reading it now I'm thinking this is just a person feeling guilty for the breakup. I'm going through the whole range of emotions here. If this was a normal breakup then I would respond with "great to hear from you, when can we meet for a coffee and catch up". Then we could have met or I could have just classified this as breadcrumbs, forgot about it and moved on. Am I wrong for feeling that she has to take the first initiative to talk or to meet up? I don't like being a passive person but do I have any choice?
  2. Quick update: Posted a pic on my Facebook story Saturday and also a new status on Sunday bragging about my 3 month mark staying away from nicotine+working out like a dog for a 1 month. She liked them so at least I know she is alive and watching my steps. I don't get carried away by these things and instead I decided to go off the grid for a few weeks. No peeking, posting, liking or whatever on social media. No looking at pictures or reading old messages. If she has something to say she can message or call me, I'm busy cleaning my brain. Yesterday I had a discussion with my extremely stubborn and hospitalized dad. After that phone call I got fed up and said to myself: enough worrying about him, my ex and others, it's time to worry about myself! At that moment I felt like my old self from 6-7 months ago which was like a revelation to me. It was at that moment I realized my depression was gone. Working out every morning and walking 8-10 kilometers in the evening have obviously done wonders. There is no better way to clean your brain than to walk out in the nature, in the park etc. I'm getting in super shape both physically and mentally now, sleeping better and feeling stronger. So now I'm starting to think that if she comes back then I will be strong enough to be there for her. If she doesn't then I will handle that as well. Again, thanks for your support I will keep you updated.
  3. Thank you for your kind words, I hope to improve a lot more before I go. Hopefully my story can be part of helping those who will follow. I will make sure to update if and when something happens but I am stubborn and won't be breaking no contact. I feel like a coward saving myself this way but I can't see any other solution. All the best.
  4. First of all I am sorry for all of your losses. I want you to know that you are helping others. I am sure there are thousands who read your stories without your knowing. The vast majority of those of you who share stories are women so I guess more stories from men would be welcome. I am close to 50 and had been together with my 5 year older ex for a year. We had a wonderful and passionate time together but halfway through our relationship her already old and sick dad got diagnosed with cancer. It took about 4-5 months before he passed. Foolishly I thought a person would prepare for this. How wrong was I. 5 days before he died I sensed she was started to shut me out. She went out of town and stayed with her father on his deathbed during this period and we would only communicate via texts. Afraid to disturb her and the family I didn't call but I followed up all the time and made it clear several times that I was there for her and that I loved her. Normally we communicated every single day on Messenger but she switched over to texts when shutting me out. When she asked me to meet up for a coffee a week after his passing I knew trouble was coming, especially since I had not been given any information about the funeral. Let me make this clear: her reason for breaking up was not her but me. I was not working enough, not finishing some minor work in my(!) appartment after the renovation and not hitting the gym like I used to. For the record: we did not live together. Good work ethics was the most important thing she had been taught by her father and she couldn't understand how I could choose to live my life the way that I did...In all honesty, I have had a few bad months not succeeding finding a new business, getting a light depression from smoke quitting and seeing my father hospitalized with a brain trauma. But I do have a supercar in the garage and money in the bank so I am not exactly a deadbeat. She is a machine when it comes to work and chores. Not one sick day, not one broken appointment. Therefore I helped out with what I could and also suggested that she should slow down on a couple of things. I helped her moving back to her house, making dinner, servicing and detailing her car and repairing windows in her house etc. I had the time to do this and it also made me happy to help. But sitting down with her that day made me feel like the worst person in the world. Like so many of you already have told - it came with no warnings at all. Prior to the day she started pulling away from me it was all hugs, I love yous etc. Not once have we sat down to discuss problems in our relationship because there haven't been any major concerns. I told her that doing it this way was not fair and that I had been given no chance whatsoever to potensially fix things. Her reply was that she at "least needed to get away from this". At that point I was so dizzy and felt so sick from depression and anxiety I just said goodbye, hugged her and left. I was so shocked from this behaviour that I was not sure if this was real or not. I felt like observing myself and the situation from the outside. I know her as 0% superficial, down to earth and one of the most just, fair, sweet and caring human beings I have ever met. This was Friday the 20th of September. On Monday I drove by her office and dropped off the birthday present I had bought a long time ago to the receptionist. Didn't hear a thing from her. A couple of days later I saw online that the funeral(to which I was never invited) was to be held Friday, the 27th. I thought the decent thing to do was to send my formal condolences so I sent a straight forward card&flowers to her home address on the 30th. She thanked me by text the same evening, hoped I was doing fine and wishing my dad well. I answered with a heart. Those are the only occasions I have contacted her. No calls, no texts, no messages on Facebook. No nothing. And this is the hardest part because there was nothing more would have wanted than to reach out and do whatever I took to help her. If cutting off a finger would have taken away her pain at that moment I would have done it. The same week I fixed my appartment and then some in order not to go insane. Spent 4 hours just cleaning the tiles in a small bathroom. I have cried, screamed, despaired and gone through the whole spectre of emotions. Then feeling guilty of grieving when I know that her pain is much greater. It's close to a miracle that I did not knock anyone out during this period because I have been without a fuse and a complete mess for a couple of weeks. I cried in front of her once in August when I was convinced my dad was going to live the remainder of his life as half vegetable. Maybe she saw me as weak after seing me deteriorate a bit. It seems like many people confuse crying with weakness. How wrong are they. In the words of the wise Hunter S. Thompson - when the going gets tough the weird turn pro... The fighter in me responded. I started going for long walks. There is nothing better than long walks for clearing the mind. Then I hit the gym. Hard. 6 times a week. In the morning. Boxing and lifting weights. Still going for long walks in the evenings. 7 days a week. But most important of all - I discovered all of your stories. In my eagerness to find answers to this absurd situation I was put in I stumbled upon this forum. It has been of tremendous help to me knowing that I am not the only one experiencing this and that there is nothing more that I could have done to prevent the breakup. I could have handled this period better but I did the best that I could at the time. Every day I wake up I feel stronger and better. It's been 5 weeks since she broke up with me and the hurt is already different. I cried when typing this post because I truly love her. But the sorrow is not so much from missing her or wondering how she is coping with life, it's more from hope fading. October the 10th she sends me a text thanking me for the gift saying she thought the package was business related...she hoped I was doing well and was wishing my dad a speedy recovery. After a couple of hours I responded politely that I was glad she liked the present and hoped she and her family was doing well. I wrote I was doing fine and that my father is going to be close to the man he used to be. No answer, end of conversation. 2 days later on a late Saturday night I get a text from her. Directly translated: "I am very happy to hear that your father is doing so well." Say what? 2 weeks later I still don't know what to answer. I don't even know if this was a single message or a part of the conversation 2 days earlier. Anyway, no contact is the way I chose and I did it because of you guys sharing your experiences. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 7-8 weeks but last night I slept for almost 9 hours. Feels absolutely fantastic. At least now I am going to become the best possible version of myself, hopefully smarter and more humble. Hard work is key to many things in life but it's not enough. We also have got to work smart in order to maintain or improve. Already now I can tell that my ex probably learned to work instead of addressing and resolving certain issues. Her communcation with me was not the way I would expect my adult partner to behave in this situation and I felt more like one of her kids who had greatly disappointed her. This leads me to my final questions - how is she going to react when her mother dies? Or one of her brothers? Or what about the day one of my parents die? I have absolutely no idea how I am going to react when that happens other than being totally shattered but I am going to do my best to explain what is going on to my surroundings. I am a lonely child and I don't have any kids so I am prepared to be alone when going through this. One thing is for sure - out of a thousand times I would one thousand times choose to face that sorrow on my own rather than being together with a partner I can't count on.
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