I understand this so much. I don’t have all the words right now.
My dad died April of 2017. And I’m still having a really hard time. He had pancreatic cancer and was slowly getting worse (it was a neuroendocrine tumor which is slower acting but found at stage 4 and had metastasized to his liver). I was 25. 9 months after my wedding. My father in law died 5 weeks later.
I still have crazy flashbacks to him in hospice care. He lost so much weight. It was so sad. He was almost a skeleton. It was so weird seeing him this way. And I know he hated it. Especially the last weeks when he’s stopped talking and would only make a moaning sound or a cry of pain. Ugh, it sucks. Sometimes this is the o my image of him I can see. I hate that. I think he would too.
I really struggle with friendships and relationships. No one I know understands what it’s like to watch your healthy, fun, active dad, whom you love so much and have always seen as such a strong person, slowly die...my husband’s dad had a heart attack and it was sudden. And out relationships were different so even his response isn’t that similar.
It isn’t a constant, acute pain as it once was. Sometimes it hits me full-force and I’m a mess. Sometimes it’s just an aching feeling knowing he’s not here.
I hope it’s normal to always feel him missing. I’m constantly scared I’ll forget. Anything important or happy in my life feel immediately less so due to his absence. It’s so hard. And so confusing.
I’ve also never done the forum thing. Stumbled on here because I was walking by her room and overheard my mom on the phone and it seems like she may be ready to date again. I want to be supportive and I know she deserves to be happy it’ll just take me a minute. She won’t tell me anytime soon so I am able to take some time to calm my emotions. There’s a lot I haven’t dealt with. And I honestly don’t know how...
I Hope this makes some sense.
