JimJim

I know right, I mean you go from having a life one moment, and then the next it's gone, just like that, gone! Friends and family, they still have their lives, nothing has changed for them, and I understand in their own way they are trying to help, but I have to tell you when they give me sayings like, at least she's no longer in pain, or she's in a better place, I correct them and say, actually a better place is with me, and you didn't look into her beautiful brown eyes, when after coming home from work, the moment I stepped into the house, the Dr's office had just called to schedule an endoscopy, she walked into my arms, looking straight at me and said, Jim I don't want to die, and she looked so scared, I told her that she didn't have anything to worry about, that I would take care of her, and then a few weeks later she collapsed never to recover, so you see I tell them, she would have taken the pain in order to live. Yeah you mentioned that we all have diff methods on ways of coping, and you're right, ya know having Nancy's pictures all over the house, includ her Artwork as she's an Artist, does bring me both joy and sorrow, and I welcome both as is the only time I have any feelings inside of me, is when I am thinking of Nancy, otherwise are a blank slate, completely dead inside, I always ask God why cannot come and take me as I am already halfway there, still waiting? I am a believer in the afterlife, as some scholars say this universe could not have resulted from any big bang collision, as there would definitely be more chaos with no order of things, as we know it, so whether it's divine or something else, that is for the individual to discover, the Jewish faith tells us to wrestle with God, ours is not to accept, but to question, you mentioned that you're unsure as to whether they can hear us, good question as I guess we won't know till we get there, there is a movie called Death of a Ghosthunter on TUBI, where she is asked if she believes in the afterlife, she answers that hard to say, then asked do you thing we'll ever know, her response is, eventually we all know!! Wishing you all and happy and healthy Sunday and rest of your week, Jim and Nancy.

Ya know Gwenivere, it's a struggle each morning just getting out of bed, thinking about things that have to be done today, and work is the most difficult, dealing with other people's issues, makes me want to drop off the radar, poof, just disappear, my way of not recognizing life, life has told me, sorry Jim but I am going to force you go through the rest of your life without the one person that matters most to you, and I don't care how much pain this causes you, as I am in charge and you're not, you control nothing, so whine and cry all you want, I've already made this decision, so tough!! So here I am living, actually only existing, as to live means to have joy and meaning, and knowing your why, so I decided to expletive life, is not going to force me to do anything that I choose not to do, so I keep Nancy alive, I have the house saturated with her photographs everywhere, no matter where you turn, she is there, and I have all her clothes hanging in the closet, and each day I take out an outfit for her to wear, when at the store, I still bring home her favorite foods, still buy her a new outfit every payday, still have all our things decorating the home, now of course I understand the reality of physical and spiritual life, I am not in any type of fantasy world, and understand my situation, BUT I am not going to allow life to dictate to me anything, my friends and family think that I am not accepting the reality of Nancy no longer here physically, I say it's not a matter of acceptance, you believe what you wish, and I will do the same, and I choose to let Nancy live, cause if you knew her, she was also a fighter, so now I plan projects for her, next week are going to Chicago where she grew up, I am in Colorado, had a necklace custom made with the star of David, and are going to have it placed in our Niche, have a companion urn, and will be recording this, also visiting her old home and schools and will be burning onto a DVD, the rest of my life will be projects just for her, and this my dear friend is my motivation, not what I can do for me, but for Nancy, trying to give her the things now, that I didn't do before, and I know she hears me as we are in dreams together practically every night now, she is waiting for me, and I can't wait to get there!! Wishing you all a super nice evening, stay safe always.

I can definitely relate to loneliness, and the big question why? and to try and find any kind of answer is fruitless, at least for me, the why left the same night Nancy did, as she was my why, my reason for getting up, going to work, coming home, making dinner, going to sleep, the major simple things of life, what is there to strive for now, to make a better life for what, for myself, that's not a good enough why, not for me! To lose Nancy and how I remember taking her for granted, thinking she would always be there, how wrong I was, never once thinking that life would take her away from me, so what I've done is to recognize that in this life, I have had the greatest gift of all, loving Nancy, and receiving her love back unconditionally, the two of us as one, both here and the afterlife as I am believing with my entire being, so I no longer are needing to be loved here on earth, as I have been truly loved, and this love is waiting for me on the other side of the veil, my philosophy is life has taken everything from me, my family is gone, and now its expecting me to live on its terms, have always been a fighter, so in this fight, life will lose, when you've lost everything, pardon the cliche, you have nothing to lose, so my own answer as to why? it no longer has a place in my existence. Again please these are just my feelings as they apply only to me, please everyone be safe and warm always.

Can truly appreciate how we are all different, and the ways we separately cope with loss, I wish Nancy and I could have spoken about this, as she was taken suddenly, it never happened, the only time one of us leaving before the other type of conversation ever happened, was while lying in bed, cuddling and just talking, she asked what I would do if she left before me, I looked at her and gently told her, Honey if you die, I die, and she was happy with that answer! So again I can appreciate all of you, and thank you for sharing, but as you can see, we all walk a different path!! Stay safe and healthy all of you!!

I am there with all of you trying to make sense of things, with only the memories to hold onto, remembering all the things that use to bring you joy when experiencing things together, it's like looking at a beautiful sunset or sunrise now, doesn't give the same excitement of a new day, or passing day as when we would enjoy it together,use to be hopeful that today or tomorrow would bring new things our way, and that life would get better, didn't matter the circumstance, the only thing that mattered was that we were together, no matter where we were, It was home, friends and family try to be there for me, but ya know they tell me Jim, Nancy would want for you to be happy again, and to try and move past this, death is a reality that comes to us all, and don't worry when it's your time, you will be with her again, well folks, again no disrespect to those that follow this belief, but I tend to differ, I believe that Nancy would want me upset, sad and crying, and wanting to be with her, and missing her terribly as I do each and every second of the day, even in my sleep, believing that grief does in fact keep us connected, again no offense to anyone please, but I feel that all the things we hear about what a loved one would want for those left behind, is only what the living tell the living, as we are unable to speak with the dead, all the books on grieving is always telling us ways to heal, like healing is all there is, for once would love to pickup a book on grieving, with no need for healing, an avenue of living with intense grief, but yet continue living making it a part of everyday life, I do that anyway. And again my apologies for going against the norm, as I feel healing is a very important tool that helps so many people Thank you.

I know this is a few months from when this discussion was posted, think you are all just fantastic, wanted to say one thing about time and grief, people don't forget about a loved one any less as time goes on, but this organ called a brain can only hold so much gigabytes before it has to let go of memory, in order to store new info, hence the saying, time heals all wounds, well to that I say not always the case, one can keep the memory of the loss as if it just happened yesterday, time may bring you to the conclusion that this is real, not a mistake, and this person is indeed not coming back, and some may choose to move on, whereas for me, and any others like me, choose to hold onto the pain, it's the only tangible thing that I can control, everything else is out of my control, but not this, life took the most important person in my life away from me, and it's not going to take this too, whether good or bad, I suppose that's up to the individual, life is not that important, our jobs, our lives, poof could all be gone in an instant, and all that's left are the people we leave behind, so I guess what i'm trying to say is that I refuse to allow biology to take away something that I was crying like a baby for just 2 years ago, want to keep the baby crying, it was important enough then, and is just as important enough now. Thank you, mean no offense to anyone please, are only my thoughts. I

Hi everyone, hope you are all fairing well, and staying healthy!! The topic I selected to title with "Guilt", not survivors guilt, although I did do battle with that one. No the guilt I am speaking of comes from being told that in order to honor My Lovely Wife and Partner Nancy, whom I Love with every fiber of my being, that to live my life to the fullest, that anything else would be a dishonor, we"ll to put it strongly, I disagree, and the reason being is prior to Nancy leaving Dec 3rd 2018, the day time stopped for me, can honestly tell you that I feel are living on borrowed time, but that's another story, but getting back to prior to her leaving, I was living a very diseased life, and yet she still mentally supported me, I was both drinking and drugging, and not marijuana, I graduated from that to the harder stuff, I was still functioning okay, going to work and paying the bills, but come payday I was always making sure to fit it into our budget, Nancy was getting her social security, but as we all know that's not very much so my job pretty much took care of us, I would get upset that bills had to be paid taking away from my needs, a lot of times blaming her for not bringing in too much, I would make her feel guilty, sometimes making her cry, she was doing the best she could, but I didn't always see it that way, so a lot of times because of my needs, we would sometimes have nothing left after me, and the bills were paid, I would convince myself that because I worked hard, I deserved it, putting my addiction first, and yet she continued to love and support me, always telling me how great I was, she deserved better, she deserved the world, only realizing this after it was too late, we always had the necessities, and never went without, but that was pretty much it, always surviving hand to mouth, it could have been better, much better. So jump to now, clean and sober since Oct 16th 2019, since then I have purchased a Niche for a companion urn, all paid for, put together a memorial book in her honor to give to her family and friends, paid for a Rabbi to give Kaddish and held a service in her honor, and are now putting together a DVD to showcase her Art, with music and a bio, and will complete my conversion to Judaism this July 1st, all these things I've accomplished being sober, and I know they mean well, my doctor's and friends are suggesting that then it will be my turn to focus on me, well the thing is focusing on Nancy is my only purpose, I am not now going to even try to live a better life, this is something I should have done when she was here, I can not and will not focus on myself, it's too late for that, and it's not deserving in any way or form, I will continue to maintain sobriety, but that is all, focusing on my self was my issue in the first place, Nancy deserved better than a bum like me!! I am counting the days and pleading with God to please come and take me to her, we were together physically for 24 years, and if I cannot be with her here, then I will have to go to her there, waiting to go HOME!! Sorry for the long story, it's just I have no one to speak to here about these feelings, appreciate this forum, and appreciate you all, Bye for now

Nash I've had both, some are dreams from the past, and the others, I call the special dreams, are Lucid visits, where it's just the two of us only, in a surrounding of only light, and we're not vocal, but are communicating telepathically, we both understand the so called reality of the physical world, but she tells me not to worry, takes so much energy from her to appear this way to me, so as I wake up, I'm always sure to write it down, these Lucid visits are the dreams that I fight hard to stay in, but Nancy will tell me again not to worry as she will be back to see me, and that my friend is the most comforting thought of my present life, the only time I feel normal!! in answer to your other question, I did not dream or have any visits untill about after a year afterwards, I've been told by both psychics and medium's that first her Soul was adjusting to the non physical world, and that took time, and second that she was also waiting for me, meaning that she would not visit me if my mind was still in a crippling state, she waited to make sure that I could emotionally handle it, without being self destructive, and now I have dreams of her almost nightly, it doesn't take away the daily pain of missing her, I miss her so much beyond words, a broken heart and soul that will never mend, but it does provide a sense of relief to know that she is okay, and that one day we will be together again, just one last note, I practice meditation daily and I find that helps, just 10 minutes a day to clear the mind, find that it allows fresh thoughts to come into focus, Thank you.

Gwen that is so right, we've had to master the acceptance of this so called reality to pinpoint accuracy, like you mentioned, we have no choice, and it most debilitating at times, actually 95% of the time, the other 5% are sleeping, and in some of my dreams, getting more and more of them all the time, where Nancy and I are together, these are the dreams I write down in my dream journal that I keep on the desk next to the bed, so that I can always remember the dream, it's the only time I feel normal again. As for the holiday approaching, now normally Nancy would celebrate Hanukkah, with the proper prayers, and the lighting of the Menorah, as a matter of fact it start's tonight going through the 18th, this I will celebrate, in honor of her Love that she gave and still gives to me, went out and bought everything needed, so that is set. Back to acceptance, again Gwen you mentioned that where we go afterwards, if we go anywhere, we have no choice, and you are absolutely correct on this, but as to how we choose to live, that we have a say in, friends and family think I am not accepting the truth, only because I keep a shrine to my beloved, with her pictures all across the living room, dining room, even one hanging in the bathroom, I have her clothes in the dresser and shoes in the rack, as I am expecting her to come home any minute, I want her to know that I haven't forgotten and never will, how can you give up on someone that taught you how to live, I mean really live!! the answer is you don't, and at the end of the day, when she does not return home, well therein lies the reality of acceptance, it's so cold and barren in that reality, that all I want to do is go to sleep, cause only there we are both together physically as one again. I want to Thank you all in this forum, as it is only here, that I am able to express my true feelings, that others wouldn't or couldn't comprehend unless they've suffered the same loss, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, Happy Hanukkah and a Very Merry Christmas.

As a matter of practice, most mediums will not discuss the dark side of life or death, everything that is said is geared towards the positive, that Nancy is experiencing a spiritual growth, and that this is what she she is asking of me, to also continue to grow in the physical world, however I do believe that there are also things that the medium may be getting from Nancy, that due to liability issues she cannot tell me, as they say somethings are better not known, so yes I believe that when you cross over, you are free of all physical pan and are godlike at this point, and you know I also carry that feeling of not giving up, Nancy did not wish to leave, so how would it look like to give something away that she so desperately wanted to hold onto!! I am 60 years old, not much time left as it is, ya know with no ones help, from her side of the family, they left the hospital that night, and I didn't hear from them for almost a year, didn't even bother to ask me about her arrangements afterwards, they were like life goes on, get over it, so I arranged a plot for the both us, had a Rabbi say Kaddish, and put together a memorial 8 pages of a bio and photos, also opened a website in her name to display her art, as Nancy is an artist, all done and paid for, this was my mission, and now it is completed, so now it is the Creator's turn to complete his mission for me. Thank you

You know I understand that the sole purpose of those of us left here, not going to the other side of the veil yet, is to learn to adjust to being alone now, I will hear this from Doctor's and counselors, therapist's and the like, that word adjust, just what does that mean? I will hear Jim you have to go on, and I wonder go on where, exactly what is it that you are asking me to do, the answer will always be the cold hard fact that Nancy is no longer here, but that I am, so I need to adjust to that fact, that nothing I can do will bring her back!! So my answer will be I understand that cold hard fact, I feel it every second of every day, but still I wish that even after two years, I still believe that I am going to wake from this long bad nightmare, but each day is the same as the day before, nothing to shout about, of feel happy about, to smile about, all my feelings inside gone, my soul left the same night Nancy's did, just a shell of my former self remained, I try to explain that I can't die, as I am already dead inside, now I am just waiting for the Creator to come take me, if life is just a blip, lights out, no second act, well that's okay too, at least I wont have to experience the pain any longer, at least I will be in a blip with my Love, and should there be a second act, well then the plan worked

Hello everyone, I have been to two separate psychic mediums, for a total no of about 6 times in the past year, now technically most mediums will describe themselves as being psychic, being able to do future readings and all that, as they can also act as life coaches, from the two that I visited with, neither one of them speak in religious matters, they haven't acknowledged neither heaven or hell as a place where people go in the afterlife, rather they speak of separate multi dimensions, whereas when you leave the physical body and it's 3D dimensional world, you return to your spiritual state where you were prior to being born, like when meditating, to truly meditate well is when you reach a higher vibrational state, mediums are in a higher state of vibration all the time, and yes she did tell me things only Nancy would know, or that I would only know, for instance, when walking into the room, the first thing she asked me was if it was an anniversary of some kind, that Nancy was sending her images of the two of us dressed up in a chapel setting, I didn't tell her it was our 26th wedding anniversary, there is no way she could have known this, among other facts she knew spot on, I recommend them as there is some comfort when leaving the session, even for non believers, as at least within that hour you an someone else are able to relive those past memories that we cherish, and a sensed hope that we will be back together one day, oh and yes according to Heather and Tracy, I was told that Nancy is with me as often as she can be, but that where she is, is being kept very busy with her Mother and Father and other lost relatives, and that because she is new to the spiritual world, there's quite a bit of adjusting to the non physical world, she is now on a spiritual journey of her own, so I take comfort in this, at least knowing she is okay, and not afraid, and the ending message is that when I pass over, she will be there for me, and will be HOME again.

Thank you, yesterday I went to visit a medium, and also had a session with a Metaphysics instructor, both went well, my main focus as well is to keep Nancy's memory alive, I converse with her each day, all day, we are avid animal lovers, sorry to hear about the passing of one of the fosters. CPAP for sleep apnea, hope that situation changes for you where you're able to get the machine! I keep a shrine dedicated to Nancy, still have all of her clothes, shoes, purses, everything I kept, and keep all of it the same as before, clothes in the dresser, things in the closet on hangers, shoes in the rack, in my eyes she is still here, now I understand the reality of course, but this is my only way of dealing with it, cause in my eyes she can still see and hear me, so I respond the same, after 24 years, good habits are hard to break. a friend suggested that I give her clothes to the needy, right now I am the needy.

I can understand that some people are afraid to discuss mortality, like it's some kind of bug you can catch, appreciate it when somebody who didn't know that my Nancy left the physical world, will jut simply tell me they are sorry, and leave it at that, have a co-worker of Hindu origin, trying to tell me according to his faith, now I understand that people are trying to help, and I don't fault them for that, but please do not try to lecture me on the after processes, as is both private and personal, just a simple sorry will suffice. In the beginnings friends were calling me wanting to talk about Nancy and their personal memories of her, that didn't last too long, now when speaking with them if I attempt to steer the conversation that way, will get just a quick acknowledgement, with them moving onto other topics, again I understand that their lives have remain untouched, that this is only a forgotten memory for them, they don't comprehend that this is not a memory for me, this is the pain and anguish that I have to live with on a second to second basis. I had to post on Facebook the Yahrzeit Memorial candle that I lit yesterday in remembrance of Nancy's passing two years ago Dec 3rd, the day the world stopped for me, to remind family and friends, otherwise would have been only me, I mean that's okay if just me, but I try to give others the benefit of the doubt, but are getting notifications now, strange thing did not receive any word from her only sister, guess she's moved on, oh well!! everyone take care, and be safe.

Are sorry to Gwen and Nash, I know exactly how you feel about no purpose, Nancy was my voice in the morning that always gave me the courage to face the day, when I looked at her, I knew why, she gave me all the reason I needed! But now just because I'm breathing, I'm only existing, not living, when Nancy left, so did I, only a shell of who I use to be remained, only waiting for my time to be with her again, I'm still married to Nancy, and will remain so till my last breath

When I lost Nancy, the world came crashing down all at once, no warning, I stopped going to work, so I lost my job, got evicted after 15 years in the same place, and I just stopped caring, was drinking from morning till passing out, then started over again, I wanted to die so that I could be with Nancy, so I took a whole lot of pills and ended up in ICU, then the mental ward where I remained for all of 2019, upon release was put into a VA home for vets, so that they could keep an eye on me 24/7, My Doctor's would keep telling me, Jim you have to go on, Nancy would want you to, It's not your time, the pills didn't take you so there must be a reason, according to them, I should have died!! we'll here it is two years later, and although I have made no further attempts, life is so empty without my Nancy here to take care of me, and I her, she was my reason for waking up and surviving in this crazy world, she was my way of holding onto any sanity, as when I looked at her, I knew my purpose, I understood my reason for being here!! I tell my psychologist that I still want to be wherever Nancy is, that I no longer have any purpose here, I'm still a married man and my place is with her, now be assured that I have no plans of self destruction, how could I give away something, that Nancy tried so hard to hold onto, her zest for life was always enough for the both of us, was about a month before she left, we were getting some endoscopy's done for her, and she looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes, and said Jim, I don't want to die, and I promised her that she wouldn't, well on Dec 3 2018, I was proved wrong, and my world came to end, with No Warning. Thank you

Definately appears to be a difficult time for you, and your right the market is flooded, so having all this and then having your feelings over losing the Love of your life, only compounds the pressure!! don't know if you served in the military, as there are many benefits open to vets!

Those are some of the most terrifying feelings of all, like when your out and about and you come across a loving couple, holding hands, giving all of your attention to just one person, out of the entire world, the whole universe, this one person that you love, and despite all of our defects, loves us back, wants to know every step of our day, concerned about every breath we take, takes charge of bringing us comfort, allows us to feel safe in a hostile world, let's us know were Loved just for being ourself, where do you start to recover the loss!! So sorry about your sister, and being bailed on like that, sometimes people don't understand the scope of our feelings, until they step into our shoes, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, wishing the best during these trying times..

Ya know I remember when Carrie Fisher passed, and then Debbie Reynolds passing immediately the day after, they called it taktsubo cardiomyopathy or heartbreak syndrome, so the fact even though our worlds were shattered into a million pieces, and our hearts or more of the soul being damaged beyond repair, I believe that as much as I loved Nancy and still do, that I should have fallen into that category, but that didn't happen, and I don't know why, what is there left for me to do? My world centered around us, Nancy was not in much pain, she didn't have any long term illness, what she had was a misdiagnosis by her doctors, they didn't find it until it was too late, when I think of her collapsing in front of me, and then me performing CPR till the paramedics arrived, only to get to the hospital where she never recovered, never having a chance to say goodbye, then having to give the ok to turn off the machine, I should have said no, but I didn't want her to be that way, if they had caught her condition before all this, but they didn't because MRI's are expensive, like it's their money!! So now Dec 3 is almost here, it will be two years, might as well be two million years, as each day is forever without her, it also happens to be our 26th wedding anniversary on the same day. I know that I have no choice to remain true to her honor, as I cannot give away something she tried so desperately to hold onto, I am from day to day living in her honor, longing for the day for us to be reunited!! Wishing you all the best.

As much as I appreciate this forum, I have to say this is one club, I never wished to be a part of, you are all so compassionate and giving, as you are too suffering a loss, I just always believed that this time would never come, that we would grow old together, and leave at the same time, and trying to go on without her presence is impossible, I have attempted all avenues to achieve a mental balance, from Psychiatrists to Psychologists, Hospice grief share groups, have visited a Medium and a Psychic, are on multiple medications, but what I have cannot be healed, when someone tells me she is in a better place, I just want to scream, as a better place is here with me, I know this can't happen, even Nancy's own sister told me, Jim you have to get on with your life, my answer is what life, I don't have a life anymore, my life is over, it ended when hers did, all I do is wake up, and are in a fog most of the day, as my heart is aching, my soul is gone, just the body is here, all I think about is being with her, and if that can't happen here, then I will have to go there!! So all I do each day from morning to night is beg and plead for the Creator to come for me, to end my suffering, will not do anything to cause this myself as I feel would take me to a different place from where My Love is, so I just have to wait, and waiting is the most difficult thing of all.. My apologies if I've offended anyone, this is not my intention. Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving with your loved ones.

Thank you both, for your responses, really appreciate that!! My heart goes out to you both on your loss!! I myself will write to Nancy each night before going to sleep, that to please come to me, and to take me with her, as I want to be HOME again, I always told her that it didn't matter where we were, that as long as we are together, then anyplace is HOME, even in the afterlife!! and speaking of purpose, yes I too have lost all reason and hope of my existence, like I'm here, and then at the same time I'm not, my soul purpose in life was to be the other half of Nancy, therapist have asked me, Jim who were you before Nancy, I say well lets see, we were together 24 years, honestly I don't remember, all I remember is just my partner and married life, half of a whole, we didn't have any kids, only animals, so we spoiled each other, and became 100% co-dependent, and we loved it that way, so you see I feel lost and disconnected from this world, as my one true purpose for living is physically gone, the only person that knew all my faults, but loved me anyway, I have tried to explain this to those who might listen, but nobody gets it, I wish to be where I belong, and that is HOME with Nancy, I may still be here physically ,but just because I'm breathing, doesn't mean I'm living!! ya know we use to have conversations with just our minds, but like with most Soulmates, we already knew the answer before even asking any questions, she was and is, and will always be My One True Light, God do I miss her. Best to you all, and have a blessed Thanksgiving.

I remember Nancy would always ask me to look at the sunsets with her from our balcony, and my response would be if you've seen one sunset, you've seen them all, or she would ask me if I wanted to take a walk with her, or go to the pool with her, I would always find an excuse not to, I see myself then from who I am now, and get so angry at myself, here was this Beautiful soul wanting to spend time with me, and I took it for granted, and are finding it most difficult to forgive myself, the reality of her not being here cuts into me like a knife, will be two years next week, and the pain of her absence is so unbearable, I keep thinking that I will wake up from this nightmare, but each day is the same, missing her more and more, I try to explain to my therapist, as this is only a memory to friends and family now, thinking that I should be healed by time, this is one thing time can't fix, bruises and cuts heal in time, but not this, to realize that life as it was is gone, poof, in a blink of an eye, but as I explained to my therapist, that night when Nancy left this earth, I left too, yes my body is still here, but my soul left with Nancy, just a shell of who I was remained here, and I don't know why, I get so jealous when I hear that god forbid, that a couple had met with an accident, but that both perished together, I know it's morbid, and I apologize for that, but I can't help but wish that the Creator would have taken me at the same time! When I think of all the wasted time I took when she was here, and understanding that it's gone forever, the same stupid thought comes to me, that I always thought we would have tomorrow. I understand now to cherish the Now, as this is all we have. Thank you for letting me speak.

Since My Honey left on her next journey, I speak with her constantly, we always discuss everything that is happening during the course of our day, I never give her any time to rest, except at night when going to bed, I sleep with her clothing so that I can still have her scent, and I have her Urn in bed with me too, as we never did like being apart, I recently purchased a Niche for us that will hold a companion Urn, was going to place her ashes in the niche, but decided to hold onto them, until we are ready to be put in there together, cannot part with them, do not want her in there without me, we do everything together, so just like before, so it will be going forward, nothing has changed, only the physicality has changed, Nancy may not be here in physical form, but she is still here in every other way, she is my life, and this will never change, I love her more then anything that breathes, and she will always be with me, together we are as one, for now and always. Thank you Jim and Nancy.

They say time heals all wounds, maybe a cut or scrape will heal, all living things will normally heal over time, but when someone tells me that it's been a while and that I am living in the past, my answer being that it sure beats the now, my past is my life, Nancy, the kitties and me, this is my family, the family that I live and breathe for, the reason I go to sleep at night, and wake up in the morning for, my reason for living!! And somebody is going to mention to me that I am living in the past, you don't walk away from your reason for living, Nancy is just as much a part of my life now, as she ever was before, and this will never change, so I tell my friends, you go on and live your life, as I will live mine, forever with my wife and family, we are one, and that is for life, here or there!! Signed: I Love My Wife and Family.

Have spoken about this once before, when My Nancy passed last Dec 3 2018, the outpouring of support from friends and family was amazing, everyone wanting to know how I was doing, and offering assistance, but now there same people have disappeared off the map, every once in a while when I reach out to them, always a very thin response, very general, as if I am bothering them, sometimes they don't even respond at all, why is that? the only thing that comes to mind is that they no longer wish to hear me speak about Nancy, they've moved on, as which they are entitled to, they have their lives to tend with, and I understand that, but what I don't understand is someone that claimed to be so effected by Nancy's presence when living, and devastated when she left, can just pack their bags and move on to the next issue, even her own sister? it just doesn't make any sense to me, but that's Ok, Nancy and I still have each other, and that's all we need, the world could go away, but as long as I still have Nancy here with me, that's all that matters!! Thank you