DebbieGD

13 hours ago, Lexilou said:

Please reach out to the links Marty suggested. And YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!! I'm holding your hand and comforting you right now. ❤❤

Thank you Lexilou, hand in hand, and for being here for me, I'm not real tech savvy, on top of that I had to get another phone bc old one wouldn't hold a charge, now this new fangeled job, nightmare.....! When I find some relief I will go to Marty and see what I can or cannot do. Still yet it's hard to function being without her, she was my confidant, and best friend. I miss her so much. Have a merciful day!

I have this new phone and I can't get notifications. I'm in tears I'm so lost I'm scared.

On 7/16/2020 at 4:00 PM, Lexilou said:

Hi Debbie. How are you doing lately? Ive been thinking of you and hope you've found some comfort. 

Hi Lexilou I'm doing terrible, I'm so alone I miss her and it's breaking my heart I'm having panic attacks back to back I'm crying excessively, I don't think I can go on. 

6 hours ago, kayc said:

I know.  Have you read James Herriot's books ("All Creatures Great and Small" etc)?  True stories, a wonderful country vet.  Don't make them like they used to.  We used to have a vet like that, he retired, the business went to VCA, a big conglomerate.  Miss him.  He was caring, wonderful and tried to keep the prices low.  Not that way anymore. 

No they aren't like that anymore, it's really sad. 

6 hours ago, kayc said:

The vet I used for euthanasia did my sweet Arlie and myself a huge disservice because their scale was way off, resulting in their under anesthetizing him, and when they gave the fatal shot, it caused him huge distress/pain, and that is my final memory of him.  It is so hard to live with because I only wanted to ease his suffering peacefully, not what happened!  I feel his previous vet contributed to his ultimate outcome because they failed to catch his cancer even though he got regular physicals there. 

Yes, so very unfair, and very hard to live with.

Very hard to accept it is how vets can be so cruel and dishonest! I have found they are very dishonest. They are gougers, they could have found her diabetes years ago if theyed had done a simple panel and not wanting boo coo bucks for unnecessary blood work, that I knew was unnecessary, but failed to tell me of a reasonable panel. At the end I found out, I grabbed the boocoo bucks paper and ask what's this , on one line it was a simple blood panel ,they could have done, I said what's this!, do it, by then it was too late.it sickens me.they are gougers. They think it's just an animal and you can get another one, they for the most part are heartless and un sympathetic. I'm so sorry kayc, I know what you are feeling and we dont do anything but blame ourselves,so unfair, bc it's all we feel we can do bc our heart is broken bc we didn't save them, when vets are suppose to be more specialized in such matters, Such matters of the heart they could give a rats a**. 

Hi Lexi, thanks I've been asking for a honey bee. The next morning after HER passing I look out of the window there was a honey bee stuck on the window, I thought it was dead for the longest time, all of a sudden it's wing's started fluttering, I said is that you Buttercup, did you just get your wings?  I've been asking for a honey bee, this morning one flew into my hand it crawled through my fingers, my hand and then flew on my face it crawled up to my right eye, it stayed there for a time feeling and then disappeared, I didn't see it fly away it was just gone. I pray that was her visiting me and letting me know that she's ok. I miss her so much Lexi tears, Im torn up inside. Hugs❤️

On 7/4/2020 at 9:28 AM, MartyT said:

It's why I always say that only the good people feel guilty, Kay. You don't see people who abuse or mistreat animals walking around feeling guilty. 

Well said Marty....

On 7/11/2020 at 9:20 AM, Leilalala said:

That’s crazy isn’t it. I think it’ll take a while to stop feeling the guilt. They didn’t want to report the vet so I am having to put a complaint in myself

Yes put the report in go after him with all you got, do the best you can do, I know it's difficult but otherwise there will be other animals that are at risk.

On 7/2/2020 at 1:39 PM, Leilalala said:

My poor Dixie dog died at the age of 6 because of a negligent vet. When she was spayed at 6 months old they left a swab in her. She died on the 12th of June. On the 9th I had to take her to the emergency vets as she had tremors. He wanted her back the following morning to double check her and he said he wasn’t happy about the lump he found in her stomach. I had found this previously and she had scans at a Different vets in March and they said it may cause more harm opening her up. She was in the vets weds til Friday evening when she died and had 2 operations in this time. She came around from the 2nd one and then just went to sleep. I can’t stop thinking how I never got to say goodbye to her again and she would have been so scared in the vets all alone. It’s 3 weeks tomorrow that she died and I’m still really struggling with how to come to terms with it. I met Dixie in March 2017 as I started walking her. I was having a really tough time in life and in the October her owners asked if I wanted to keep her. I do believe she came into my life to save me but now I’m broken again and I don’t know what to do without her. 

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so hard and I don't understand how these vetenerians can be so incompetent. I know exactly what you mean when you say she came into your life to save you, and now you are broken AGAIN! It's tremendous.I have a magnet on my car that says who rescued who, I haven't the heart to take it off. She loved to ride, one day when the car was in the shop and were staying with an x friend, she looked all over for the car. I assured her its just needed work and our home will be home soon. We lived in our car, you notice I said our car for 10yrs. and we were attached to the hip my best friend, my soul mate. I'm devastated by how I let her go, but I didn't want her suffering. A vet over vaccinated her and she ended up with tumors, then she had diabetes that took her down.Im having regrets not pursuing treatment but I didn't want her to suffer anymore. Living in our car we didn't suffer sure it was rough at times but we had each other, it was like when we'd move into an apartment she would mope until we went for a ride. The car was her first home and she loved it, we were so close. I'm so lonely and it isn't the same in the car, but I can't part with it either bc it was her home it was a part of her. I miss her so much. I hope your issues are better, I don't know what they are,but I truly believe she helped you in so many ways, and that you can be thankful for. She's with you and spirit and she will continue to care for you and be beside you. I know it hurts, I'm feeling it every minute of the day. Please stay here, I need you too Leila. Lots of love ❤️I'm so sorry.....

2 hours ago, kayc said:

@DebbieGD  I am so sorry for your loss.  I know how deep the loss of our animal companion can be because I lost my Soulmate in a Dog, Arlie, 11 months ago the 16th.  My love and my grief will be with me until the day I die, he was the perfect dog (for me) and I love him with all of my heart.  

There are many factors that go into euthanasia, and I'm sure you considered all of them, we do it for THEM, not for us.  If it was a decision for us, we would bankrupt ourselves to keep them alive!  BUT we do not want them to continue suffering, so the decision is for THEM, to release them from further suffering.  I've seen dogs with Diabetes and they can't go indefinitely with it, it takes it's toll on them, once they reach kidney failure you have no option...my 25 year old cat went into kidney and liver failure, they said there is no treatment, I had to have her put to sleep.  My beautiful sweet dog, Arlie, had inoperable cancer, spread throughout, liver shut down, he lived 2 months 10 days beyond diagnosis, I did everything I could to make him comfortable, to keep him eating...I did it because I couldn't bear to lose him, I prayed I'd know "when" and I felt he let me know when it was time.  But even so, we are our hardest critics, we go through all the "what ifs" frantically searching for a different possible outcome, only there isn't any.  There is only what happened.  I like Lexilou's response:

You two shared 13 years together, no matter how long we get together, it's never enough for us!  I got 10 1/2 with Arlie (he was just under a year when I adopted him).  I hoped he'd live to 14, it wasn't to be.    I lost both my animals within four months of each other and my little family became just me.  My son brought me a puppy before Christmas...I had been thinking I probably wouldn't get another dog as I'd already known the most perfect dog in the world and there is no other like him.  But I'm glad he did, little did I know we'd have this pandemic and I'd be alone for months at a time!  The little guy is not my Arlie, he doesn't do Husky talk, he's harder to take care of as he thinks he can't do his business in our yard or pen (he didn't have a problem doing it in the house though!  ) so I have to take him on walks...a LOT.  But that's okay, Lord knew I needed the exercise.  He is needier, bringing me toys, wanting me to play with him constantly, that's okay, what better thing do I have to do?  I miss my Arlie, I always will.  Kodie was conceived when Arlie died, and born on my birthday.  Maybe Arlie had his paw in this?  IDK how that works.  Arlie is buried in my backyard so I look out my patio door and see his grave.  I go down there and talk to him, Kitty right beside him now.  It's hard to believe just a few months ago we were all a family...

I totally understand your wanting him with you, and I bet he doesn't mind either!  

I want to leave you with some articles that I have found of help:
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

I hope this video brings you some comfort and peace as it has me.  I know we'll be together again, we were meant to be!

 

You are so kind kayc, I'm new on this this site ya know and I'm not the best at tech and this is a new phone I do not like upgrade they call it, down grade for me. Haha I'm sorry for your losses and glad you have a new puppy, you are a strong woman I commend you, this world is terrible and at this time we need no more disaster but we get them back to back would you agree, I don't want to promote negativity, ok I'm just sad lonely and mad at the world right now, I miss my Buttercup so much Everytime I say her name I brake down and cry. I well others thought you can get a another dog you know the tale, I hated hearing that it just angered me, but I couldn't right now. I'm hoping Buttercup is happy and in a safe place. Do you believe in signs, I just got one... 

11 hours ago, Lexilou said:

Hi Debbie. I can feel your pain. It is very deep. It is a strange world, isn't it? We are given a gift so full of overwhelming love and joy. Then, one day, it is taken from us. Grieving like you are sounds a lot like my grief. It overcomes you and all you wish for is more time with your love. My Lexi was 13 and passed on only 12 days ago. It was an unexpected freak accident and I am still struggling every day to come to terms that she's gone. I am told that if you try to think of the best of memories with them, it helps you move thru your grief. I am new at this too, but reaching out to all different sites and articles and people with all sorts of perspectives. It helps comfort me. I talk to her all the time. In between tears and gut wrenching sorrow. It is very hard. Just know you're not alone and your baby loves you and is with you all the time in spirit. I really believe that. I have to. Thinking of you❤Hugs

Think of you too huggs❤️

That's I can imagine and I'm so sorry, I am here as well as others I'm so thankful I found this site, bc what hit me yesterday, I think maybe I found it purposely, if that makes any sense.

20 minutes ago, DebbieGD said:

GM Lexi, thank you I'm so sorry for your loss of Lexi, I'm so hurt I feel like I let her down, she was the love of my life, I don't understand why God seems so cruel, bc her just doesn't seem to be there when you need him the most. I'm so lost without her. I let her down.

Oh my God I just now understood the part about the boxes I read it 3 times it's hard right now, I'm so very sorry for your baby, it was a freak accident and I can't imagine what you must be going through , it wasn't your fault, but she knew you had all the love in your heart for her and she loves you. I'm so sorry..I hope your holding up, I know how devastated you feel right now. She was a lot of fun wasn't she. 

It's a world of debilitating events, I don't understand why it keeps beating us down, it makes no sense.

10 hours ago, Lexilou said:

Hi Debbie. I can feel your pain. It is very deep. It is a strange world, isn't it? We are given a gift so full of overwhelming love and joy. Then, one day, it is taken from us. Grieving like you are sounds a lot like my grief. It overcomes you and all you wish for is more time with your love. My Lexi was 13 and passed on only 12 days ago. It was an unexpected freak accident and I am still struggling every day to come to terms that she's gone. I am told that if you try to think of the best of memories with them, it helps you move thru your grief. I am new at this too, but reaching out to all different sites and articles and people with all sorts of perspectives. It helps comfort me. I talk to her all the time. In between tears and gut wrenching sorrow. It is very hard. Just know you're not alone and your baby loves you and is with you all the time in spirit. I really believe that. I have to. Thinking of you❤Hugs

I miss her Lexi I can't deal with this, she was my joy, I think of our memories but now im hating myself for letting her go she was very sick but I should have tried harder what have I done, will this guilt I'm going through ever pass. What have I done! 

12 hours ago, Lexilou said:

I feel your pain. I, too, lost my border collie 12 days ago. She was my world. We had a very special closeness that sounds similar to yours. Journaling helps me as well. I, too, am functioning, but little else. The pain is deep, I know. There are many articles shared on here that help a bit. I also recommend a book called "The Amazing Afterlife of Animals" by Karen Anderson. It is very comforting and covers so many things. There is also a Facebook group you can ask to be a member of called Animal Communication Planet. Lots of others sharing their stories of their pain but also of their memories. There are communicators on there that may attempt to connect with deceased pets from the other side. This may not be your thing, but it has helped me cope and see how wonderful it was for us to have been each other's best friend. Just putting that out there in case you are interested. Sending hugs to you and prayers for healing. 

TY I will look for that book I can function I can't eat I hardly sleep I'm in such deep sorrow my stomach feels nausea all the time. I shake im having panic attacks back to back. I love her so much I let her down I just know it how can I ever forgive myself .

9 hours ago, Lexilou said:

Debbie,  yes it's late. So, hopefully you will have sweet dreams and read this post when you wake up. 

No need to talk about how much money you have or don't have. None of that matters here. What matters is the love and devotion you have for Buttercup. I can tell its a lot of love so let's focus on that love. He only wants the best for you. Try hard to remember your wonderful memories, as I'm sure there are plenty. He loves you so much. Whatever happened in the end is not important in the grand scheme. He knows you love and adore him. I am sure he walks beside you because that is what he knows and is comforted by. It is late and I am missing my Lexi. I'm going to settle into bed but just know our babies are with us. That's what gives me comfort at night. I will tell you all about what happened to my Lexi tomorrow. I just can't go there tonight. I miss her so deeply it hurts. I understand your grief and I hope we can be there for one another to carry this weight that feels so very heavy. Ttyl. Thank you for reaching out. ❤

We had such fun together, I wake up and hug her urn evevy morning you know I'm in tears right now, I should have done more for her, I just do want to go on why is God so cruel why doesn't he understand that I needed her in my life. I don't have anyone to care for now, God is cruel I don't feel her spirit it seems I'm hollow I'm a shell and a killer. I miss her so much why can't I feel her spirit. I see her in my head but I'm lost without her. I don't hear her, I can't touch her. Where is she.....

8 hours ago, Lexilou said:

don't feel guilt. Guilt will tear you up. Let me tell you what happened to Lexi. I always. Always leave empty boxes of cereal next to my trashcan. The boxes are too big to put in the can but I'll know to take them out when the trash gets full. Ive left empty cereal boxes on the floor nest to the trashcan at least 100 times before. 12 days ago, my boyfriend had gotten me a new scooter. We went to go practice on it.  Gone 45 minutes. When I returned, I went inside and looked all over for my Lexi. I walked outside and told Andy that Lexi wasn't inside. He said, well she has to be. So I looked again. The last place I went was the laundry room. She never hung out in there. But that's where I found her. Huddled, in a corner. Bag from cereal box snug over her head. We tried like he'll to revive her. To no avail. 

see, Lexi was my soulmate. The light of my life. We were so close. I am mad at God for depriving me of being able To hold her as she crossed over. I feel your pain! I feel it every minute. For I am suffering right along with you!  I feel like her death is such a cruel and that i didn't get the chance to say goodbye and hold her close as she passed. Please understand that our loves love us no matter what. That's what is keeping me sane right now. I'm so exhausted now that ove relived that moment. Let's talk tomorrow. Hugs❤

GM Lexi, thank you I'm so sorry for your loss of Lexi, I'm so hurt I feel like I let her down, she was the love of my life, I don't understand why God seems so cruel, bc her just doesn't seem to be there when you need him the most. I'm so lost without her. I let her down.

Oh Kay, I killed her, I can't live with this. 

I killed her I didn't try hard enough im so guilty, we had such a hard life but I didn't try to save her, she had tumors and her diabetes skyrocketed to 700 over night but I didn't try to save her I should have the vets seemed so negative I look at this now why didn't I try I miss her so much I'm so afraid of how she thinks of me now does she love me I want to die and be with her. I didn't want her suffering but I should have tried I hate myself .

On 5/26/2019 at 1:41 PM, Guilt_beyond_imagination said:

I somehow can't move forward. My young little dog passed away unexpectedly due to fatal mistake by a bad vet. I am riddled with guilt for letting him go there. This was a different vet we found out too late he was incompetent and killed my dog, just for a routine dental cleaning. Something that takes less than an hour. He did nothing right and everything wrong. My dog did not deserve this. It was voluntary and I regret sending him there. I grieve and cry every day. I don't now how to manage this. It's a big loss. He was the pack leader and such a wonderful friend to his 2 brothers. What do I do?  I am beside myself. He didn't need this done.  He was only 6 and very healthy.  He was a fearful dog. It's possible they kept him in fear against his will without calling me to alert me that he was frightened. It' only my 2 other dogs that keep me going.  Is there really a bridge?  I need some kind of hope. I am lost. I don't eat right. I'm down 17 lbs and haven't gained any back.  His passing is tearing me apart inside. I loved my little guy and I feel I failed him.  I had on word to say to prevent this fro happening. I could have said NO, that he was not coming in and I would have kept him home. He'd be here today instead of in a box in my closet which I still cannot open!!!

I'm so sorry, your hurt, and I know your anger I went through the same thing and a vet they kept her in fear. I just lost my baby girl bc I don't trust vets and I didn't want her going through anymore pain. I feel so guilty for letting her go. I'm torn up inside. I'm so try, the pain is unbearable, I don't eat sleeping is horrible and days are hell. I don't want to go on. I know the brothers are greiving, you all have my deepest sympathy.

1 hour ago, Lexilou said:

I would live to hear all about your Buttercup. Feel free to share everything on here with us❤

Lexilou what have I done should I have tried harder to save her I feel like I've killed my baby what have I done, I thought about her age and her sickness, the vet said her diabetes was real bad. But I should have tried I killed her I just know it.

Someone please if it's not too late can you talk to me please I feel like I killed her. I thought about her age I thought about so many things what have I done

I'm sorry again but I've been so honest with you should I have tried harder to save her, should I have, I miss her s much I'm feeling like I should have tried the treatments what have I done of God what have I done

Thank you Marty I know it's getting late, yes I don't know if it is a different kind of loss, but it seems like a more longing loss to me,.I really don't have the answers I just know I miss her big brown eyes, and all of her. She was so sweet, perfect in all ways.

29 minutes ago, Lexilou said:

I would live to hear all about your Buttercup. Feel free to share everything on here with us❤

Thank you sooo very much it is getting late but I would love to come back tomorrow. I'd love to hear from you as well.