Miss_my black Italian chef

Hi all. I found this discussion group as I was looking for grief help. My boyfriend of 4 yrs died unexpectedly on fathers day. We were fighting so I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks. The night before he died he left me a ton of voice messages telling me how much he loved me and that our story wasnt finished. Tge autopsy results havent come back at least that's what his family is telling me (I wasnt close to his family). He lived with me for a year and a half. So being in my home, all I do is cry and see him everywhere. I'm made at myself, what if i called him that night, what if i didn't start the fight. Over the 4 years he didnt always treat me good, but every day he was being the better man that I knew he was deep inside. He brought a dog home that I now have, i love her very much but just keeps me thinking about him. I miss him so much. I have voicemails saved that I listen to just so I can here his voice. We actually buried him in the 31 year anniversary if my mom dying (didnt get to say goodbye to her either). We had all these plans, he was saving money for us. My family doesnt understand because they werent a fan. My best friend asked me if I was gonna start dating again. Hello hasn't been a month yet and he truly was my soulmate. Why does life have to be so hard