Roxi

On 6/28/2023 at 2:44 AM, scba said:

a conversation with myself like a heroine from a Bronte book.

Ana i understand and sometimes i feel as you...like Jane Eyre, strong and tough in the face of adversity!

But at the same time i'm dreaming that maybe another miracle can happen and i will meet someone again and my life will change for the better!

Maybe it's only a dream, but it's nice to dream...!

You are young...you deserve a better life !

Don't stop hoping...🥰

16 hours ago, scba said:

Nobody knows I am a widow here where I live and I wasn't his wife but I feel I am a widow regardless.

Sure! Are there people who really don't think so ? We weren't married too! No one think i'm not his loved one..even his daughter and son! Anyway what is important Ana is what you feel...you and him are tied forever, beyond all limits! 

I'm sorry you have to live so alone in this world, it's unfair...

Warm hugs

1 hour ago, scba said:

Jane Austin says it better in her novel Emma. 

 

Ana, Emma didn't even notice that her true love was with her all the time...maybe it's the same for you ? I don't think you are not attractive for the men...you're young, you are wounded and sometimes the fear of another wound is so strong that leave you alone and sad at your own table.

I understand...but i think it's time to open your heart again....i hope for you a full life and maybe another love💕

Warm hugs Roxi

8 hours ago, scba said:

the ultimate truth lying inside for most people is that they don't want to hear about death loss and grief.

Yes...i don't talk anymore about him with friends! On my own initiative...i don't want brings my sadness in our moments together!

But sometimes i laugh about some funny moments with him...and friends laugh with me!

There may be very different emotions in me at the same time...

Ciao Enza i understand...it was the same for me! I don't know how and when it has become more manageable...i'm still missing him all the time but that " triggers" don't hurt me so much....and it's good! Maybe it's true that time heal...at least something does!

Ciao un abbraccio🥰...

It will be the 5th Christmas without him...and it"s still incredible for me how fast the time passes!!! 

Anyway my house will be the dark house in town as in the last 5 years...i don't find a motivation to make party lights shines!

Even if i enjoy Christmas with my family it was never the same without him!

4 hours ago, scba said:

I must have built a wall that others can see and I don't

It is so Ana! A wall no one can climb...

We had the best and we want nothing less...

I miss too that kind of istant connection with my love...i miss the freedom to say to him what i don"t want to say to anyone else, the things i hidden in my soul...and he listened and he understand...

Where i can find someone else i can trust so much ?

Without him i am silent...and of course sad

Thank you Marty...no i want only to know if it is possible and i understand that it's not an option

In fact Kay...in the other forum there is that option...not here! 

Ciao Enza buongiorno a te...yes we are in the same part of the world! In another forum delete is simple...i thought that here is not an option but @scbawrote that she delete her comments....maybe she can explain to me!

Grazie e buona giornata Roxi

On 9/28/2022 at 3:14 AM, scba said:

Deleted my comment

I don't know how to delete a post....someone can explain it to me ? Thanks

Thanks...glad she is safe

I was stuck at the time, with a good life with friends and opportunities to do the things i like..(we had a theatre group and a free radio as we called here )...and we went out to concerts theatres movies travelling or simple dinner with friends, Lot of nights outside wandering around...

But i was unhappy inside 'cos i didn't have  someone to love and despite all the actvities i enyoied with lot of people i felt alone...

So i made an announcement on a newspaper to find a friend for a travel, but it was like a message in a bottle thrown into the ocean...

Unexpectedly it worked, as Boho said: the planet aligned for me!

He left a message in my voicemail and since the first moment i heard his voice i knew he was the one even if i didn't still met him!

The magic begins...we met and i let go all the defenses i built around me. The same evening we met, we were kissing and cuddling ...it was a dream come true!!!

the beginning of the most intense funny and loving 20 years of my life!

Grazie amore quanto ci siamo divertiti insieme!!!

Thanks honey how much fun we had together!!!

On 9/28/2022 at 10:18 PM, Chocolate said:

.  I got myself a huge teddy bear to sit in my husband's easy chair in front of the tv so I didn't have to see his empty chair. 

 

Chocolate i love how you can find  solutions and help yourself

3 hours ago, kayc said:

that makes perfect sense, this is common feeling in early (first few years) grief.  But I made a conscious effort to let go of that thinking.

I agree...in the first times you are afraid to lose him if you are not grieving painfully for him...but then you luckily understand that is not your pain that determine your love or you connections to him...and that kind of terrible suffer is a torture that no loved ones wish you to come trough! The pain is inevitable...we lose our soulmate! But be able to get rid from hopeless sorrow is a huge step on your road to heal...for me it was and it's a relief think at him miss him without break me in two...

I hope everything goes well for Marty and all the people in Florida...

11 minutes ago, scba said:

6 hours ago, V. R. said:

Once he had come back telling me that it had all been a big mistake, he hadn't really gone. Then he said how sorry he was for having caused so much heartache for me, for nothing, I then remember we hugged tightly relieved that he was really still alive. 

 

Expand  

I have had quite the same dream. 

I wish to dream him explains some capital things to me...but never happened! When i dream of him, he's acting as in life...take care of me or make me worry! Sometimes make me laugh...and it's a relief laugh with him again...it's the thing i miss most of our life together!

He loves this song..."Wish you were here"

On 9/21/2022 at 2:53 AM, Chocolate said:

Have you ever considered that they could be just as upset as you are?  Have you?  They would want more than anything for you to be there with them.  They would want to share it with you, immediately.  Trouble is when they come back in spirit to you, they can't even get through. There's a grief block.  They try to come to you in a dream.  They try to

Chocolate very good point...maybe it's why he did not say a word in my dreams ! I don't believe enough that there be a connection...thank you for let me know that!

1 hour ago, Chocolate said:

Throughout the day I look at his pictures.  In the large one I have on the wall next to my desk, I can see into his eyes.  The love, the beauty of who he is, shines through.  His eyes follow me.  I feel his presence through it. These pictures help a lot.

Chocolate that's beautiful!

I hide every photo of him...'cos it's painful see him...! And know that is not here with me anymore...

I don't know if were you that mentioned the book "the year of magical.." joan didion said in it: i'm not ready for the photo on the table!...i'm not ready too, it's trying to  avoid to recognize his death

But you found an amazing way to look at his pictures...how can you avoid the pain ?

10 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

And if men typically pair up again then there are women out there who are pairing up with them.

In another website i was ,we had this argument too...and one of the member made me laugh saying : i don't want to be a nurse or a purse!..meaning that many men looking for an accomodation more than a love relantionship...IMO men do bad alone, more than women...and it's unbelievable how they can find another woman ready to bear some situation! A neighbor of mine known for never wanting to work, while his wife went crazy to support family and children, after a year of widowhood found another woman...and i don't think he changed his lifestyle...

After 4 years is only a wish...i'd like have somebody to love again  but i'm not looking for someone...i still looking for him!

I don't think i'm really ready for someone else...i don't know if i will ever ready !

This cute little baby😂

1 hour ago, kayc said:

This is a burr, they get into their fur, wrap around in it, and are very hard to get out!

Thank you Kay...now i understand! 'Cos the translation for burr said the animals...i can't imagine Phanter Kitty covered by them 😂