LindaA

Hi Michael, I totally feel your pain and grief. No words or comforting thoughts will ever bring Edward or my JoAnn back. I to go to support groups and also seeing a grief therapist. JoAnn was my rock even though she always said I was hers. When life got rough for us we always said it was her and I against the world. My JoAnn was not in the hospital as long as your Edward, but hospitals definitely leaves me with bitter feelings. My mom's turned into a hospital law suite so my PTSD just kicked in with JoAnn. I was with her when she took her last breath and that will always stay with me. I wanted so much to bring life back into her! I cannot even begin to imagine what it was like for you to take care of your loved one for so long and have him pass in your arms. I have no idea who I am without my loved one, I can't even figure out how to live alone on my own anymore. I just want her home and I know that is not going to happen. Your suggestion to read the stories of others experiences does help a little but at the same brings sadness and pain to my heart. Take care Michael Linda

Hi Michael, Thank you for sharing the lost of your partner Edward, I am sorry for your loss. I can totally relate with your hospital PTSD. I was with JoAnn 24/7 until she took her last breath. I keep getting these small flashbacks of all the scenes that took place from helping her sit on the edge of the bed to breath to suctioning her. I find myself having trouble to breathing every morning. Everyone tells me it gets easier as time moves on I just don't see it happening. Every thing in the house reminds me of her to the point I can't stand to live here. She was the love of my life just like you and Edward. I hope you have a good support system with friends and not feeling so much alone. Take care! Linda

Weaksoul, I am fortunate to have had my partner for as long as I did. I'm sorry your daughter lost her mother at such a young age and you only had 16years with her. Your faith must be strong! Maybe some day my faith will return. Wishing you and your daughter all the love and happiness for years to come.

Hi kayc, Thank you for your response. My heart goes out to you as well in the loss of your husband George. It seems like the grief doesn't go away does it! I use to be spiritual and pray. We even had a prayer circle for my partner of 33 years and the prayers for her were not answered. what so ironic is we had a prayer circle going for my niece who had the same cancer AML and she is doing well. I'm glad you find comfort in the recliner, I use to but that was JoAnn's favorite chair so now I sleep on my couch with my kitty Gracie. Do you find it hard to go back into an empty house after forcing yourself to get out with friends? I just break down in tears cause she is not here to share with and it is so lonely and empty. It hurts so much I can't catch my breath! Hugs

Thank you weaksoul for your encouragement. I'm sorry for the loss of your wife as you know the pain is unbearable at times. I try to get together with friends but every where I go and do reminds me of her and my heart hurts so much. I can't even go in the bedrooms. I did join a grief support group and a therapist. I also find myself not believing in a god anymore. I don't understand how a god can take away good loving souls and keep the horrible menacing souls still out on the street!

I lost my partner on June 18th. I cry uncontrollably can't catch my breath. I wonder what I did wrong in life or what we did wrong to have her taken away from me. How does someone go into the hospital to get treated for cancer and dies from the treatment instead of the cancer. It hurts so much I want to be with her. How do keep living when everything I do, and see reminds me my JoAnn. I sleep on the couch cause I cannot not go into any of the bedrooms I don't want to live without her. I was with her 24/7 in the hospital making sure they gave the appropriate medication, bed was clean, gotten up to help her breath, made sure she kept her oxygen on and suctioned when needed. So why was she taken from me. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest!