happytreesloth

Thank you @kayc. I will do some more research and find a doctor this month. I definitely think I am going to need a small dosage of something. Thank you for sharing an experience where medication in a smaller dosage helps. I am so glad you listened to your body and got off the Valium quickly and tried something else! When I was a teenager I was on a slew of medication. Got off it when 17 and 18 years old and then was scared to ever try again. I have to remember I can advocate for myself as an adult and tell a doctor what I need.

Hi Everyone, I am new here. I lost my Dad suddenly in September and I feel the shock is fading. Just raw pain. I also lost my cat, Coco later in September. I have dealt with alot of grief but this is my closest death. I knew Coco was sick, very afraid of losing her but I had no idea I was going to lose my Dad. I thought 20 years at least. A possibility of 40 years more with him. I am shattered. I prayed in August that my ma who I am estranged from lives a long life and my Dad as well. They were newly divorced. I was celebrating while also mourning that version of family will never be. I am close with my Dad tho we have a complex relationship and we were working on it. We had big big plans together. I asked the universe if I could just cruise for a bit, give me moment to breathe. And please give my parents a good new life and long. I couldn't even bear my ma going. So just give them a long good life. Mental health, family situations, abuse, and financial situations, moving over and over, being uprooted-exhausting. Finally, even tho I don't speak with my ma or her side of the family, even tho life has been a roller coaster, even tho I need to find a therapist and have issues I felt some peace. I told my body to trust life again. Of course-around a month later life went differently. My Dad passed 30 minutes after texting me. Suddenly in a grocery parking lot. The strongest man and sometimes shortest man most of his friends knew. A bull of a man. I didn't even get to see him have his wrinkles yet. And now here I am. I need (please) advice for myself but also how to balance a relationship. I really love my partner. My Dad adored them as well, tho he tried to act tough. They were amazing together. Like someone understood my Dad and his stubborn ways? Could party and hang out at my Dad's level? Nerd out? Talk about serious stuff and not have to agree about everything? Get along with my Dad's friends? They were the match made in heaven in father and son in law duo. Thank goodness. It gave me so much peace. So I know my partner is mourning my Dad, Coco, coping with the loss of family members in the past still, and their career. It is alot. They are doing there best. We had some issues of just learning to live with eachother (one year this November) dealing with mental health issues and money being being tight issues. I sometimes dont listen. I can be very nit picky. They have adhd. I am in the process of being diagnosed with autism. Still learning the verbiage but it can be intense. I love them, they love me. They have been helpful in cooking me eggs in the morning cuz eating has been hard and buying food. Our place needs some cleaning but they need to focus on career, un winding, and they are exhausted after work and I can barely get up. I have been able to work some wedding events. Rent is paid. I guess I am asking any advice how to still keep my relationship. I don't have a lot of capacity but I am trying. I swear two weeks ago I thought I couldn't handle a relationship and this mourning. Also probably a day ago. I was like f$$k everything. I think with acknowledging them and just not screaming at them they will be okay. I helped with reading lines with them yesterday night(he is an actor) and today we talked about the comics they are reading. I feel like I am in a maze of pain. And I told them I am grateful for them, I find joy being with them but it feels suffocated with pain. I know this will take a while and they understand. Super understanding. I just want us to survive this. And create some type of joyful moments. My Dad loved both of us and would want us to thrive-together, separate whatever. Just happy. He always said we are going to win. He always said that to my partner. The last movie we saw together (August 26th) my Dad talked to my partner about figuring out the specific dates to fly out to Thailand together. I was gonna take classes, my brother who I didn't see for 11 years was coming to train in Martial arts, my Dad was getting his teaching certification for his massage therapy (he did it for 30 years). And train with my brother. I was going to take some of my gemology courses and my Dad wanted me to just rest. My Dad was paying for my partner come out too. He planned this for 2 years. He told my partner that we were winning now. Now I am so shattered and trying to piece together life. I am grateful for food, a safe place, my partner. But also in somuch pain and want to be able to not take it out on them. This was so long. Thank you for reading.

Hi Kayana, I am so sorry. I lost my Dad in September from a heart attack as well. We talked the day before and I was tired and grumpy. But we talked. We had a blast partying when he came 2 weeks prior to celebrate my Uncle's and Aunt's birthdays. He just got certain things including his money from his job( he cashed out and left 14 years before he could retire but had to wait due to my parent's divorce that held money up). He was newly divorced and tho mourning that was going to a new chapter. He was working on training people in boxing, he just emailed about a massage program in Thailand and we were planning to go together for advancement in our different careers. I was so excited as we worked on the issues of the past while embarking on our futures, together! I texted the day he passed. He texted me back and 30 minutes later he was gone. I have anxiety disorder and other mental health issues but was really working on the feeling that life doesn't always turn upside down. It has happened often because of people. Because of family issues. But this time as I was just letting myself ease a bit-this happened. My anxiety has skyrocketed and dreams feel shattered. I am trying to each day take it a lil bit at a time. The first month I was around family. I brushed my hair and took showers. Now it gets harder for me( and I love showers) and I roll out of bed for the seasonal work I do twice a week. Pay a couple of bills. finally combed my curly hair after 2 weeks. I don't have advice-just wanted to let you know I feel a bit what you are going through. There are differences for everyone but the shock, your world going upside down and hole gapping feeling, the anxiety. The one moment smiling and next moment this person you cherish and is your foundation almost "vanishing". That thing-I feel you. Any questions let me know. I hope you have waves of peace, some type of joy seep in. It is really hard. I am going to take some advice from the people who responded to you. We are very early in our grief. Sending you love.

Also Nashreed thank you for sharing and so sorry about your sweet Annette. I am wondering about Lexapro-had an awful experience with medications as a kid. Talked to someone who has a good experience with Lexapro so thinking to try again after 15 years but afraid of side effects.

Late to this message-new to the forum. I feel this. I felt like I was on a slightly better path depression wise, still need to get a therapist but I literally prayed that I hope my parents (they got recently divorced) would have a great life and new chapter. Both young 52 year olds. They are more active than me. Even tho I am estranged from my ma I prayed she too would have a wonderful long life and if I could just coast for the next years to finally have some momentum in life. Strangely enough, my Dad was the one who suddenly passed. The day after he told me while we were planning a trip for 2024 and said he just wanted me to rest. I am so exhausted. From depression, CPTSD, anxiety, heavy masking, abuse. Two weeks before he passed I thought while in bed the shoe doesn't always drop. Life is finally good in I having a footing in life. Lots of work to go but I will be okay. Two weeks later....my Dad, who I argued with but also my support is gone. Also my cat now. It feels awful here. My partner can't take all my stuff so trying to back off but it is all awful. My Dad's side of the family doesn't know my mental health issues and I am the "strong one" and the eldest of his kids. Both his kids have mental health issues, I tend to self sabatoge and self harm in "quiet" ways(no one sees it except my partner) while my sibling does it more outward while keeping feelings inside. Both of us are not well. While my Dad needed help he was getting to a point in life where he was now understanding us better while wanting to help us with the ways he was responsible for (not all but definitely alot) Now he is gone.