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nashreed

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About nashreed

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    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Spouse
  • Date of Death
    05/16/2020
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Tulsa, OK

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Hemet, CA

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  1. Certainly. It actually was way easier to deal with in the first couple of months, because I was not only having to pack up and drive halfway across the country within a month and a half of losing her, but I originally was ...not happy, but relived that she was no longer in constant pain. She had been in the hospital for two weeks where I couldn't see her at all, and then they wanted to get her into a rehab facility- which she hated. It would have been at least another two weeks of not being able to see each other. She just didn't want to deal with it. The last time I took her to the doctor, sh
  2. We're all helping each other right now. Just your reading and responding to a post I write helps tremendously. Maybe I will gain some deep wisdom somewhere along this grief journey, but right now I can't do much but say I'm sorry, and I know your husband is in a better place. People that suffer so much here on Earth, I believe, are rewarded in Heaven. Their pain is over and they are happy. I'm happy when Annette is happy, so maybe I haven't been so low because of that. I miss everything about her, but we always said "I'm ok if you're ok". I don't know how old your husband was, Annette was 49,
  3. Absolutely. It's so sad that, because of her being so self conscious about her low vision and her weight, she lost touch with so many friends. There's friends she used to have to live here (I assume they still do) that don't even know she's gone. I wouldn't have any right to pop up out of nowhere to lay that on them, not that it would make any difference. I visit her Dad every so often, and I think it really helps him, although he has an extended family (via a remarriage) and is busy with his church. It's the closest I can get to her, and I do feel peace there with him and her step-mother. It'
  4. It's starting to get more sad and depressing to listen to her voicemails as time goes on. They're like transmissions from a past life. I miss that special unconditional love, that special "soul mate" friendship. It truly does suck to be alive without it.
  5. Well, it was the Fall of 1988 and I was 18. I met Annette at my first job, Taco Bell. She was a Shift Leader. She was pretty intimidating, but I was immediately attracted to her. She would HATE this comparison, but if I had to compare her to a celebrity so you could understand what she looked like, the closest would be Natalie from The Facts Of Life, but from the later seasons where she was cooler, not so nerdy. She was a hard, competitive worker. I, of course, was beyond geeky, and had absolutely no "game" or any hope of a chance with her. She actually called me out of the blue after a few we
  6. It's hard to just not have her around, with her funny little things she did, and her genuinely sweet nature. Nothing she did ever really annoyed me, where my family annoys the crap out of me sometimes. I miss being her caregiver, as stressful as that was. I don't even have our big beautiful yard to take care of. I found out Annette's sister has COVID. She would be so worried and beside herself- I'm a little glad that she doesn't have to deal with the worry. She would be really upset.
  7. That's an excellent analogy. I was always a control freak. Honestly, I wasn't always the best at being in a equal partnership with my wife. I had to have things my way. She was very understanding, but I don't like to admit that I was so controlling. A lot of it I was doing because her health and taking care of her was so hard that other things that I could control, I did. Now I'm in a house where I feel like my geeky teen self again- I'm not in control of anything in my Mom's house. So, yeah, I'm really just barely holding my head above water.
  8. Thank you Ann. I definitely understand your grieving. I also think of Annette when I get up and all through the day. I guess I think somehow I'm trying to distract myself from her memory. If I can kind of not think of her and focus on other things I can survive the day. I mean, I have her picture on my phone screensaver (and I switch them out all the time), and I have tried to think that I'm just on a long vacation and she's still at our home in Tulsa (I like with my family now, where I used to just visit every other year). I guess my point of this thread is trying to live with a balance
  9. Annette has been gone over five months now. I miss her more than words can ever express. I'm at a point where thinking of her, remembering our life together, brings more sadness than happiness. I find it easier to try to not think of her, to get caught up in staying busy (I've been sorting through 6,000+ CD's, listing them on EBay). TV commercials or random songs will trigger memories (seeing a commercial for Humira, for example, makes me upset because her being on that for a decade led to her below knee amputation). I can smile and think of her for short periods and be okay, but to really rem
  10. Thanks! The hard part is to figure out my new purpose. It's really daunting to even try to look people in the eye, let alone be social- and in a pandemic. I want to get a job again for her. It broke her heart that she couldn't work. She actually was let go from her last job because of her health problems -she had some low blood sugars there, plus if she didn't get good sleep (which was hard because of her pain) on her CPAP, she would not be up to work mentally. She tried so hard, and didn't want to be a burden, ever. I believe she's able to visit me and she what I'm up to. I need
  11. I started this thread to try to shed some of the overwhelming guilt I had for not taking better care of my wife. I felt like I could have made better decisions and there are so many regrets. Not only did she have severe Arthritis pain, a prosthetic leg and was legally blind, but she was also having hallucinations. I don't know if they were from the Prednisone or the Opioids or some other medication or from her sleep apnea problems, but they were really scary and I really sometimes wondered if she would be better off without all this suffering. I know now that I didn't cause her passing and it
  12. There are so many questions and "what if's" that haunt my wifes passing. I know that she would really just want me to stop thinking about it. It's very, very hard to stop thinking of it. She was always telling me to relax about "accidents", because I would always freak out about things falling or going wrong and she always had to calm me down, saying "They're accidents. That's why they call them accidents".
  13. So very poignant. I absolutely miss just telling Annette the stupid headlines off of Facebook and her getting a kick out of them. All of our little in-jokes are now like a dead language that nobody will hear anymore. I can't imagine not marrying somebody who wasn't your best friend. We never had children (she had menopause before I even met her, at 16), but that didn't matter. We joked we'd never want to pass on our bad DNA anyway. It took a lot of work to woo and win her (she really didn't like me after out initial break-up. I was socially awkward and I'm sure I have Asperger's, but it wasn't
  14. Yeah, that is going to take some work and self discipline (which I don't have- I drink caffeine before bed, for example).
  15. Some days I just really miss her. I saved 60 voicemails of hers (she used to leave a message every hour- she would sing to me on them or just say what she was doing), and I have to parcel them out and savor them. I don't want to have them memorized anytime soon. I want to be surprised. It's amazing that it's only been about five months and it feels like it was another lifetime ago. Sometimes I can't even quite remember her face (I mean I have her on my phone screensaver all the time- it's how she looked this year that gets hard to remember. Her looks through the years are all a jumble).
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