heres an e-mail i wrote to my mom-mom (the only one in my family who understands and will TALK to me). I think it pretty much shows what I am feeling. please reply! Hi mom-mom, Tonight I was just thinking about Teddy. Me and Dana are going to pick him up tomorrow. It will be SO HARD. My mom and dad said no to cremating him, because it will cost $100. I really dont want to go to the vet and pick up another frozen body and have to dig another hole. I was thinking about having him cremated with other animals, but I decided I didn;t want him burned with a bunch of other animals and throw out; i need some memorial of him (besides the one of him adn sandy i have on my dresser). Tonight i just cried, for like 45 mins in my room. it felt so good, to just cry long and hard. O, great, all this has gotten me started up again...hold on... ok, its 10 minutes later and i officialy am going to shrivel up from lack of liquid in my body. I just want them both back so much. no one really understands, especialy about teddy. i was the only one who loved him with my whole heart. my mom was the only one who even liked him. also, no one really wants to talk about it...everytime i bring it up, they change the subject. everyone but you, of course. it felt so good to spill my guts to you on the phone. i just want my pets back. Sandy was old, but Teddy was young! He was only like, 2 1/2! he was supposed to live five years! He was my confidant, my best friend. he knew everything i had to say. hold it, i started up again....k, im back. i'm starting to look all wrinkly,,,no more liquid. i remembrer reading with him, him all curled in my arms, nibbling the pages, licking me, letting out littel squeaks of content now and then, loving every minute of it, just like me. Ugh, i am so tured. I'll tell you tomorrow about the funeral..wow, that will be sad. one mourner. good night. love you. see you soon.