I'm new to this site, My name is Rich. I lost my wife of 32 years in a car crash on 10/10/03. She was simply headed for her lunch break from work when an unlicensed, repeat offender hit her head on. She was killed instantly. He is being chaged with felony vehicular manslaughter. We have two daughters and three grandkids. Jo Ann was the love and the soul of my life. We had such a wonderful marriage. We did so much together over the years. The memories are so haunting I can hardly take it. I am so alone now. The warmth in my life is gone. My house seems so cold and empty. The flowers she planted the day before her death are still flourishing. I see them everyday as I walk out the front door and I'm always hit with a ton of bricks. I still haven't fully accepted it. I am sad inside most of the time but at work and at times when I have to I have a vaneer of OK-ness. Since her death I have been trying to make a new life for myself. I've purchased a new car, new furnature, done some remodeling, purchased a lot of new clothes and toys to keep myself busy and preoccupied but I have found this all to be in vain. Nothing can replace her I know that but I was foolish to think that maybe I can distract myself from the pain. It's just something that I have to live with and grow through. I have found that unless someone (friends/family) has experience the sudden and unexpected death of your spouse they really can't understand. I am always alone even with other people. I feel I've been pierced through the heart. I have little interest in things except for gardening now because we used to love doing it together on weekends. I had so many other interests and hobbies but they don't seem to mean much anymore. I am constantly thinking of her and have trouble concentrating at work. My mind keeps wondering off thinking of the memories we made together and just thinking about her wonderful smile and how much she loved life. I can not think about the car crash. I have never looked at the photos or read the police report because I just could not take it. I do everything possible not to even speculate what happened that day. As I write this I am so sad and distracted. I'm at work but wish I were home working in the garden. I somehow feel close to her doing that. I never thought, as you, that I'd ever be in this position and now that I am, it is so strange that I can hardly come up with the words to say. Anyway, that's my story. I know many of you are walking in my shoes and I know you understand what I am saying. Thank you for listening and I hope and pray we all make it though this terrible time. RM