I lost my wife June 5th. I can relate to much of what you're saying. I'm having trouble with co-workers and family and friends trying to help me - people who I otherwise talk to on the phone four times a year calling me every 3 days, my brother who I haven't spent more than 6 hours with at a time since the 70's coming out to visit for five days. I have a grief counselor who listens to me, and says little. No one has any answers, yet they all insist on "being there for me". People ask me how I'm doing - I don't know what to say. I miss my wife. I care little about my job or the house, my health (I started smoking again), my bills. I feel like the guts of my life have been kicked out. I'm numb. My life has little meaning. I have thoughts about ending it all - not to stop the pain, but just so I can see her again. I was a one person and one life before she got sick. I became another person while she was sick and I tended to her. I became yet another person in my searing grief and pain when she left. And they say I'll become yet another person "over time". My whole life, everything that really mattered to me, was about her and our life together. How can I re-order my life and rebuild when I don't even have the energy or interest in doing dishes or going to work in the morning? I am completely broken. I have sought some insight into death, and the afterlife. I want to know where she is, if she can really see and look after me. It's about faith - faith requires hope, and I have none. And they say this will last for months. It's like an emotional cancer - it just grows and grows and saps your strength, and never really goes away. And my next destination is being a lonely, depressed slob.