northern duke

Hi everyone. I recently posted a response on the "Loss of a Spouse...." Forum and received a response from an offended reader. I didn’t mean to offend anyone and am wondering if certain forums are off limits to those who haven’t experienced that specific loss. I really am very sorry if I overstepped my boundaries. I didn’t mean to. The Duke.

My mother died in April. Then my aunt in August. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong immpression. I'm only eighteen anyway.

Suzanne, Hi, I am new here and would like to share my deep sympathy with you over your horrible losses. I have been alone a lot of my life, so I don’t know what it's like to lose a spouse. Although I may know what it's like to be alone I cannot possibly fathom what a loss of a spouse is like. To be suddenly and inevitably alone like that must be so horribly alien and devastating for you. As I've said, I cannot feel what you're going through or offer any helpful advice as I just don’t know what kind of hell you must be in (if I can, please tell me). I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Good luck, sweet Suzanne. The Duke.

Dear everyone, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and wish you all the best. It simply can’t be conveyed enough just how deeply I appreciate your help. I have never been an open person and have always been very reserved and lonely, which is why I am so overcome by this caring community. It means so much to me to have you all, since I have been without you all most of my life. What would make me feel even better would be to share and to help in all of this community's issues (as you have done for me). I have been reading many things on this wonderful forum and just don’t know where to begin or how to help. When any of you need help, please ask me. It would mean the world to me. Thank you all so much The Duke.

Shell, Thank you so much. It's been so long since I've spoken to someone, and I've never mentioned to anyone what I've written. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. However there is something that I neglected to mention that I am very puzzled about. Ever since that morning in the hospital I have been curiously bereft of feeling. Initially I didn’t know what to feel and then I just didn’t feel at all. I have yet to cry about my mother, although it's been about four months since her death, and I feel so evil for what I did (even though I didn’t mean to do it). And now I can’t even cry for her. My Grandfather recently lost his sister and ever since this whole episode of death in our small family, I've been concentrating all of my energy on trying not to upset him or my sister. Why don’t I feel? What's happening?

Sammy, I think I know a little bit about how you feel. I'm sorry people have been so careless with you. I'm sure you've been told that it isnt there intention to hurt you and that they mean the best, but that dosnt make up for their rudness. The hardest thing you'll go through is dealing with other people. It's perhaps the worst battle there is to face after a loved one's death (at least it was for me). I wish you only the best and hope you find the right people with the right words and much love in the future. Good luck.

Hi, I’m new here so if I've done something wrong please tell me. I would very much appreciate that. About a month ago my mother died and my life has seemed to take a completely unexpected and drastic turn for the worst. For starters: my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in October of last year and was immediately treated and eventually "cured" about a few months after. However, we were told that to be completely sure of the eradication of the cancer, Chemo would be a wise and solid decision. This is where the trouble started. Taking the regulated medication in concurrence with her chemotherapy, ma started to become extremely inebriated and as a result, had to miss a lot of work. My sister and I had to miss a lot of school to stay home and take care of her, making sure that she didn’t hurt herself. One day, after not eating anything for a long time, she finally asked for some milkshakes. My sister and I made her about three or four and she seemed to take to them quite well. She lay down and went to sleep. Over the next few hours we would check up on her and she would only respond with a low moan of "OK". But when we went in to check on her for the fourth time she wouldn’t answer and could only moan. Immediately I called my grandfather asking him to come over to help thinking she had overdosed on her medication. After a few more vain attempts of waking her we called an ambulance and took her to the hospital where we were told she was in a diabetic coma. I didn’t (and still don’t) know how to receive his information. I put my own mother into a diabetic coma with all of those milkshakes that she drank. We later learned that she had (as a result of the intoxicating meds) stopped taking her insulin on a regular basis. She died the morning after. The hardest thing to live with is the knowledge that I basically killed my own mother. I can’t go to sleep at night without having horrible nightmares of what her face looked like that morning in the hospital. The week after that nightmare in the hospital my sister and I took our senior exit exams in high school and graduated. It was hard not having her there. Right after that our grandfather thought it best to move out of the house. I personally had no problem with this as I didn’t want to be near those memories anymore. We moved to an apartment complex about twenty minutes away from our home and have been here ever since. It was also the idea of our grandfather that we start college right away. This I and my sister were extremely opposed to. We feel trapped and overburdened, and everyone I tell that to has said the same thing; “suck it up.” I know I’m supposed to be strong but I can’t help feeling tired and lonely. I’m thinking about dropping out for the semester and going sometime after Christmas, getting a job in the meantime. I need your help because I’m lost. My only friend and only mother has died and I have to live with the fact that it is my fault. I’m in a really shity apartment with my sister starting college nearby which I’m not yet ready for and I’m getting nowhere. Please help someone.