ohmyro
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Hello everyone, I just found this site last night when I was up at 3am. My granny passed away August 28,2007. She was 95, lived a good life, blah blah blah,but that doesn't take away this gaping hole that sometimes feels like everyone can see it. I was raised by and lived with my grandparents for most of my childhood/pre teen/teenage years. She taught me about taking care of family, being humble...all the pleasant things. I can honestly say I don't have a bad childhood memory while I lived with them. My dad (I called my granddad) passed when I was 9, he was very sick and it didn't seem to affect me much. But this..... I don't have nightmares of watching her suffer as they changed her dressings from pressure wounds anymore,but I am back to not being able to sleep through the night. I have suffered from depression before, and its rearing its ugly head again now. I feel like I'm at a stand still. Went in hospital for chest pains, had all kinds of tests cuz of family history....nothing.Normal. Feel like I could just cry a river, but it won't come out, got a big lump in my throat. I could go on and on, but then it would be a novel. I just wanted to get it out some, and I write better than I express verbally, so I'm glad if at least one person reads and understands.
thanks
Then Comes Depression.....
in Loss of a Parent or Grandparent
Posted
Thank you very much and I am sorry for both of your losses as well. I don't know why today seemed to be such a hard day? There's no date significance or anything, but maybe the rain and dreary day had alot to do with it. I feel like I am at a stand still now because I was supposed to start my junior year of college (yes, at 36yrs old) the week that my granny passed, but I took off the semester because it was all too much. I haven't been working either, which some days is a good think because I'm so out of it. But other times I think it would keep me busy. I dreamt about my grandmother last thursday night. Clear as day, when I walked up to her door and saw her standing there I just stood there shocked. She acknowledged that she had died, but was here until I could deal with her gone. (Something to that effect, I should have written it down as soon as I woke up) In the dream, I just sat in the floor and cried after she said that. I woke up soaking wet with sweat. I don't know what to do with all that. Its like I've been more depressed since the dream, but you would think that would give me some kind of solace, huh?