Art

Hi Kim, I sincerely feel for your loss of your husband. I know how hard it is to move on. Everyone keeps telling me I have to, but they just don't tell me how. Today marks 10 months since I lost my wife in an auto accident and it seems like yesterday. I can't stop thinking about the "what ifs" and I can't stop blaming myself even though I know there was nothing I could have done. My emotions are still on a tightrope ready to go crashing at any time without warning. I just can't help it I still cry and sometimes I can't seem to do anything else. I have had a really hard time with the holidays and I just can't imagine the new year without her and having to look back at this year as the year that I lost her. Please stay in touch with us here. I gain so much of my will to carry on from the knowledge that I am not alone on this lonely road. God bless you and all who walk here with us.

Hi Kathy, How I envy your good fortune. I have prayed for such a message from my wife. I'm approaching my tenth month without her and want so badly to feel her presence. Cherish the stone and the wonderful gift that it brings. I think I could truly feel the joy of this season if only I could be so fortunate. Happy holidays, Art

Hi Teny Thanks for the good wishes and your caring heart. I have really benefitted from the love that I feel in the wonderful friends I have made on this forum. For you and all of us here I pray for a brighter new year to come. All I'm able to do is to try and maintain my faith and take life a day at a time. I believe that I have made some progress over the past few weeks and I owe much of that to you and the others who by sharing their pain and loss have helped me to cope with mine. May God bless all of us. Art

Hi Deborah, I know exactly how you feel. I can't seem to get over the feeling that it should have been me and not Charlene. She was such a wonderful person and touched so many people she just did not deserve to die. It seems so unfair to me. I have blamed myself for her death in so many ways I have lost track of them all the while knowing I didn't do anything. It just happened. And when I try to talk to "friends" about my feelings I get that "she wouldn't want that" answer which I take as a cop out just to keep from hearing me. Some have actually told me I could move on and stop feeling these things if I'd just let myself. I know you all understand that its not that simple, but I don't know how to tell others that. It is something that won't let go of me and not something I won't let go of. If only it was so easy as just letting go. Art

Hi Lori, Welcome to this site. It is a wonderful place where great people try and help each other through the most terrible times . I sincerely feel for your loss of your husband. I lost my wife of 34 years in february of this year and my life seems almost meaningless and the holidays aren't helping. I have daughters and you have children and grandchildren. I try to stay in touch with my daughters as much as possible as they both live in the same town as I do. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you, but spend as much time with yours as you can. Any time you are having a bad day or any other time for that matter there's always someone here to listen. Please keep coming back here. We all share a terrible heartbreak and we can all help one another mend. Art

Hi Teri I am coming up on ten months since my wife of 34 years died in an auto accident. As I told Teny in a post just yesterday, people keep telling me that it will get better in time, but so far it only seems to be getting worse. I work in a very high stress profession dealing with some pretty down and out people, many of whom don't have a lot of hope left. There are a few though who seem genuinely to want to do better and recover from where the are. maybe its just me and my state of mind that makes it seem so, but it seems to be those that society is hardest on. There just doesn't seem to be any compassion left in the world. I agree with Suzanne the holidays are especially stressful for us who are in such a deep state of loneliness and pain. I have been trying to do exactly what she advised and that is to just take it one day at a time and stay in touch with the wonderful people here on this forum. Any journey is easier when you don't have to make it alone. Art

Hi Teny, I have hesitated about replying to any post here because I have been in such a devastated mental condition I fear I will only make people feel worse than they already do. I sincerely promise you and everyone else I don't want to do that. Your post, however, touched me because it seems that we are about the same place in this journey. At first everyone told me it would get better in time. So far it only seems to have gotten worse. I work and I try, but I can't seem to concentrate or focus on my work. I can't wait to get home and then it really sets in. I don't enjoy much of anything and the only people who seem to want to hear what I'm going through are on this forum. So far I have found few if any answers and I only wish I had some for all of us. I don't quite understand why, but it does seem to help me to know that there are others who have experienced this terrible loss and gone on with their lives. For me, it is not that I don't have people whom I love and who also love me. I have two wonderful daughters and they are even more dear to me than they were before, but there is simply a part of me that is gone and what is left is suffering excruciating pain to be left so suddenly and completely alone. To know that others have recovered to the point that they can again enjoy life gives me hope and I pray it does for you. Please try to have faith and courage and I will too. Stay in touch with us here and let us know any time you're having a bad day. Perhaps there will come an answer.

I have come to be so angry at anything and everyone that I just can't stand myself. I yell at people for things that normally would not bother me. I am so unhappy and lonely. And when someone I know tries to help I just get angry with them because everything in their life seems so well and happy. They are enjoying the holidays and don't really seem to care that I am miserable. I cannot be happy just for the sake of not ruining it for others. It makes me so angry to feel all these things. I would much rather be enjoying this time of year. Is there anything that can ease this pain and anger?

Suzanne, I share your feelings about the people here and I too hope that we stay together for the good of each of us. I made the statement to a friend a few weeks ago that if I didn't find someone to talk to I didn't think I could hold it together much longer. I feel I have found the place and the people I can talk to and I believe it is already having a positive effect in my life. I know I still have miles to go, but I think I have now found the direction.

Hi Deborah and all, I just want to add that I came to this site looking for a place where I could feel comfortable expressing my heartfelt pain without the fear of offending anyone. I can assure everyone the last thing in the world that I want at this time is to offend anyone. So far I have found exactly that kind of place on this forum. I sincerely feel that as adults we should be able to accept our differences without getting our feelings hurt. We have enough hurt already. I for one would never try to force my religious views on anyone, however, I do think we should feel free to express our views to the extent necessary to open our hearts to others or to just let others know what we feel for them. I have the greatest respect for everyone's right to their own views whether on the subject of religion or politics or anything else. Religion,however, is an integral part of the healing process for many of us and perhaps not at all for others. While I respect anyone's views I reserve the right to use every good and honorable means I can to heal the ache in my heart and fill the emptiness in my life. If my expression of religion is offensive to anyone, first I would expect them to tell me and second I would immediately apologize. This is simply to express my opinion and honestly not meant as an affront to anyone. I feel that what we have in common here is more important than the differences we may find in one another. Lets stick together and do all we can for others as well as ourselves. Art

Hi Christine, Thank you for your concern and for the kind words. All I meant to say was that I am hurting beyond words. I am lonely and life seems to have lost its purpose and meaning. I feel that I am lost in a sea of storms and no land is in sight. I truly don't know any other way to express what I'm feeling. I am hanging on to my sanity by a thread or maybe I've already lost it. I'm not sure. It is difficult to imagine my wife being at peace in a better place without wanting to be there with her. It really is hard to have any happiness or peace in life when all your hopes and dreams lie fading in the grave. Yet I continue to struggle on because I know that I have two wonderful daughters who love me and need me and I cannot abandon them in these stormy waters. Please pray for me.

Hi Teny, I too am having a really hard time finding the will to go on and sometimes it seems it would be easier to just quit and give up. I don't know a lot about coping with this loss yet. I'm still trying to learn to live without my wife and sometimes it seems the whole world has turned away, but I can promise you that God has not given up on me nor on you. Please try to hang in there and continue to pray. Have faith and believe that God is there and that he cares. Also, stay in touch with us on this forum. I have found a number of caring people here who know exactly what we're going through because they have experienced it. Art

Hi Teny, I feel I have to tell you I am going through the same sort of pain and loneliness or as you put it torture. I wake up every morning and face the awful reality anew. It just seems more than I can stand at times and I too search for a way to make it stop. I strongly feel that everyone here has very similar feelings or they would not be here. The only thing that has brought me this far is my faith in God and continuing to be thankful for my two beautiful daughters, in spite of the tendency to get bitter over my wife's death. I have found the Joel Osteen ministry to be exceptionally helpful to me. His message is very positive and uplifting. I don't know if you are of the Christian faith or not. If not, I apologize, this is not meant to offend anyone. If you are of the Christian faith I strongly recommend his TV programs to you. I will keep you in my prayers and ask you to do the same for me whatever your belief.

Walt, I loved the poem, but I'm afraid I cried all the way through it. I believe that is the way my Charlene would feel, but I sure wish I could just hear her say it. Art

Deborah, Thanks to you and all for the wishes. It was my first Thanksgiving without my Charlene and it was really tough. We were always used to having a big get together with family and friends and of course the big dinner. This year just the two daughters and son-in-law at daughter's house. I tried to enjoy it mostly for their sake, but it just wasn't right. I am really feeling worse tonight than today. I guess its just that it forces me to realize how truly lonely I am. I have to say though coming here helps to know I'm not alone and for that I am truly thankful.

Hi Wendy and thanks for your concern. I met my Charlene when she was just sixteen. We knew each other for only three months when we were married. Everyone who knew us said it wouldn't last, thirty four years later we were still laughing at them. We were absolutely made for each other and I am so thankful to the wisdom of God for bringing us together. I don't understand why He saw fit to separate us after all those years. Like most of us men, I guess I had always assumed I would go first. She had had many serious health problems for several years but seemed to be doing better in the days before she died. She started to drive to the local Wal Mart one morning and somehow lost control of the car and hit some trees alongside the road. I got to the scene just in time to see them load her into the helicopter to the nearest trauma center. She never regained consciousness. I never even got to say goodbye. My life seems to be over too. It is almost as if I am somehow being punished by being left behind.

I am soon coming up on nine months without my wife. I seem to only get lonelier with each passing day. I can't tell if I am avoiding people or they are avoiding me.(I know I'm no fun to be with so who could blame them). I have come to seriously question whether I want to continue living in this condition. The holidays are coming and I see nothing but more loneliness and pain not joy and peace as in past times. Have any of you dealt with this and if so how?

Hi Teri, I honestly don't know if you are crazy or not. I do know if you are crazy then I certainly am. I too am new to this site. I lost my wife in an auto accident on February 28th of this year. I went to work that morning without even telling her how much I loved her. About an hour later came the call. I never got to say another word to her or hear another word from her. We had been married for 34 years and I swear she never asked for much of any thing and never complained that we couldn't afford a lot of things. She was completely devoted to me and our daughters. I now feel so guilty about all the things I could never give her and will never be able to now. I feel guilty if I catch myself enjoying anything. I can't watch the ball games that she and I loved so much. I never see a moment that she is not on my mind. I'm sad and lonely all the time. I don't know how to turn it around. People tell me it will get better and I pray it does. Right now all I can do is try to stay in faith and keep on believing that God will lead me out of this cold, crazy, painful world and into something warm and meaningful. I pray that for you too.

Thanks to everyone for your warm welcome and kind words. I am so happy that I have found this place, It may seem unkind, but it is not meant that way, I just am so glad to hear from people who have also felt my pain. I have two particularly hard times each day. The first being when I awake in the morning and realize all over again that my wife is not here any more. This is just about more than I can take so I tend to not sleep any more than I have to in order to avoid the pain of waking up. The other time is in the evening when I have to come home from work to an empty house. No smile, no hug, no "how was your day?",just quiet, loneliness. My wife was truly the center of my life and I just seem to be so disoriented in a strange,and very cold new world. We had struggled financially for so many years to raise our daughters and then put me through school and just as we were about to get to the point we could afford to enjoy some luxuries she is suddenly taken away. It seems so unfair and I don't know if I will ever be able to truly enjoy life again.

Hi Walt, I am completely new to this forum and perhaps I should not reply, however I feel compelled to tell you that I hope you will continue here. I'm sure there are many ways that you can contribute, but at the present, the one that seems most important to me is helping some of us who have not yet travelled as far on this lonely journey. It may be that your role is to just travel with us and guide us along the way. If I'm going to make it I am going to have to have some friendly guidance. Thanks

I am new to this forum and I'm not familiar with the way it works yet so please be patient with me and help me if I get it wrong. I lost my beautiful wife of thirty four years in an auto accident in February of this year and I feel completely devastated. My life is as good as over. I honestly wish I could have gone with her. Everyone has continously told me it will get better with time, but I swear I think it really has gotten worse. I have daughters whom I love dearly, but I just can't seem to learn to cope with being alone. Family and friends urge me to get out and try to enjoy people and events, but I can't do that without my wife. I don't know how I will get through the holidays. Is there any way to stop this pain?