AllyNoble

okay probably a stupid question - but lately have found myself confronted by this quite a bit - its coming up to 3 years since my son was killed and some of the comments I get range from the completely hurtful to the not so thoughtful

for example - have worked a long week I am tired - get invited out for dinner Friday evening - I reply no thanks I am a bit tired - reply received - you do know its nearly 3 years - he wouldnt want you hiding yourself away

. o O ( well duh yes I know its nearly 3 years I live with it everyday - I don't wish to go out I am tired from work etc - why does everything get brought back to his death ) I now never respond because I am just so overwhelmed by this response

another example when I had a bad day recently -

bout time u worked it out dweeb he is dead and no way ur gonna bring him back hell who would wanna come back to this world

granted it was a public forum but I didnt quite expect this response

oopsy waltc if that constitutes crazyness then i guess they better lock me up too - I guess we all find comfort in our own small ways - and talking to my sons star is also a great reliever for me

hugs

STARKISS 2 years and 4 months ago marty gave me some information and like so many others told me things would get easier - at the time I was not so sure that they spoke the truth - now I can definitely say that time does heal and even though life as you knew it will no longer be the same you will grow into a different life and cherish those who have left your side

to all those who have shared their stories - hugs and strength

I know its easy to say but time does heal the sharp pain that goes with losing a loved one

In the early days of losing my son the pain was there on a daily occurrence now its there but not so acute, then when I lost my dad the pain became a little more acute but quickly respited - I kept telling myself I got through losing my son I can get through losing my dad, then a few more deaths within our family circle made me realise that I was to either begin to sink or swim - i decided to get me some floaties and just relax and go with the flow

dont get me wrong there are some days when I sit and question the whole circle of life and I wonder what on God's green earth did I ever do to deserve all this - but at the end of the day I have realised that none of the deaths were my fault and nothing I could of changed would of made things different

I too was with my father when he passed on and although the memory is still there it is now more peaceful and ambient if that makes sense.

with my son I cannot say the same I often question the reasoning for losing him, although not as often now, but when I hear of people abusing their children I wonder why they couldn't of lost their child whom they obviously dont cherish - I know that sounds very unchristian but its how I feel. we had a woman who chopped her sons leg off with an axe here recently, this incident broke me down more so I think than when my son first went away - what ever did I do in my life that was so bad that God had to take my son away and yet this woman who doesnt want her child gets to keep hers - how unjust is that - how can a parent like that remain on earth when my father, who did nothing but good things through his life, had to be taken

then I realised the saying God only takes the best is so very true, this is what helps me through - this is what keeps me sane knowing that he took my precious family members because they are the best.

sorry for rambling so long but I hope it helps you through your darkest hours

love and best wishes

I haven't lost a son - I have gained a network of appreciation for a life cut short

I haven't lost a son - I have learnt he lives on in so many others

I haven't lost a son - I have gained numerous friends

Today his mates held a memorial for him - attended by about 182 people from all walks of life

the topics of speeches ranged from his awesome ability to make people smile, to his ability to turn the tables on something bad.

I guess I never realised how much of an impact he had on people, for one so young he certainly brightened an awful lot of lives

I haven't lost a son I have gained an insight into how the world was turned by a cherub.

well here I am again like a bad penny

have been waking in these early hours with nightmares - my son is all broken and I cannot fix him - my throat is dry from screaming and the sweat is cold - I am not sure I can keep doing this anymore

have so many crazy thought of jumping on a train track and seeing how long it take for me to die

thankyou sis thats beaustiful

My dad passed away on the 13th September 2004 after being diagnosed with Cancer only weeks before - he was only on morphine for 1 day - so I guess I am blessed that he didnt suffer long - This is the eulogy I wrote and read for him

The face I loved is missing; the voice I loved is still

The hands that did so much for all, are resting at Gods will

It breaks my heart to lose him, but he did not go alone

For a part of me went with him, now God has called him home

Born in Dowlais South Wales on the 6th May 1934 to Eva-May and William John.

Dad had 2 younger brothers David and Bryan, who unfortunately are unable to be with us today, but are here in spirit.

Dad grew up and was educated in Merthyr Tydfil South Wales, and at the tender age of 15 took on the father role of his brothers when his father passed away.

He did an electrical apprenticeship with ICI in South Wales; in lieu of national service he joined Royal Naval Reserves. At 21 he did his national service with the Royal Navy. During which time he married Sheila Ann 4th June 1955. He was the father to 4 children Denise, Cheryl, Kelvin and myself. After the completion of his national service he resumed employment at ICI. After this he worked as a time study officer for the Merthyr Borough Council. During which time he became interested in the workings of Local Government.

My earliest memory of dad was in the local baths when he would amaze us with his skill of holding his breath under water whilst we would walk on his back.

In July 1971 he made the bold move of bringing us to Australia, to find a better life for us.

Dad commenced working at BHP as an Electrician in the BOS, and enjoyed a full community life. Ensuring the needs of all were catered for.

Dad was always out there for people in the community, always willing to open the door for anyone who needed help in anyway. And if he couldn’t help he went out of his way to find where they could get the help that they required.

In 1973 Dad approached the local councillor of the time with an idea for organising a group for young teens and after being scoffed at, in his usual manner took matters into his own hands and ran for the seat at the local council. He door knocked every house in the electorate of Whyalla Stuart, spoke to every householder regarding the then issues of the area, including a school crossing for Flinders Avenue and more street lighting for the area. He was elected to council in July 1973. During the 28 years of his service to the Whyalla Community he served on many organisations ranging from President to committee member.

Dads welsh heritage was one of the most important part of his life, the hiraeth was strong. And in the words of the song we’ll keep a welcome, his longing and yearning for Wales became instrumental in his actioning of a plan he hatched to organise a trip back to Wales which has been enjoyed by many people to travel home, this became an annual event with the airline organising a plane to Whyalla to pick up the passengers as the number was bigger than anyone had ever imagined.

When Dad heard that Harry Secombe was coming to Australia Dad approached the owner of the Westland hotel to bring him here, the manager replied that there would not be enough support to render such a request feasible. Dad in his usual manner went round and rallied support for his idea and the place was booked to capacity. And the night was a resounding success with people travelling from Adelaide.

Dad was instrumental in bringing the “Whyalla” home to rest during 1985. He enjoyed the challenge and the involvement of ensuring that the Whyalla was resting in her rightful place.

For many years Dad enjoyed bringing joy to many children as Santa in the Whyalla Pageant.

Dad had an awesome sense of humour, which we all have been privileged to gain from him. one of Denise’s suitors was the first to gain an insight to OUR Family when on their second date was sent off with a packed lunch so that he didn’t eat his daughter.

To us kids Dad seemed extremely strict; the curfews we endured seemed inappropriate to us at the time. one friend once commented be thankful your parents actually care enough to give you a time to come home. And although we may not have felt them fair the care and loving from the family life we had has given us some values that we will carry through our lives proudly.

Our poor mother had a lot to endure from dad, in his extremely caring way dad was always willing to bring home people who were in need of help, Christmas was a joyous time for us and often became a larger affair, as if we didn’t have enough family to enjoy the festivities with dad was often seen out and about looking for those who would be on their own for the day, he would pick them up and bring them home to join us.

Do you recall the verse that says “someone else” will do it, well from a very early age I discovered that my father was that “someone else”. A person who was always there for others he instilled most of my life values. When someone needed a hand my father had two. When something needed doing Dad was willing to pitch in. Whether it was donating blood or organising things for the community Dad would of been there, whether pulling up his sleeves or making phone calls writing letters Dad was there.

The face I loved is missing; the voice I loved is still

The hands that did so much for all, are resting at Gods will

It breaks my heart to lose him, but he did not go alone

For a part of me went with him, now God has called him home

"A Letter From Heaven"

To my dearest family.

Somethings I like to say, but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived ok.

I’m writing this from Heaven, here I dwell with God above.

Here, there’s no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight, Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on Earth was through, God picked me up and huged me and he said, I welcome you.

Its good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone, as for your family, they’ll be here later on.

I need you here badly, your part of my plan, there’s so much that we have to do to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do, and formost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And I will be beside you every day, week and year and when your sad I’m standing there to wipe away your tears.

And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to flight, God and I are close to you in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years, because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain, remember there would be no flowers unless there was the rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned,

If I were to tell you, you would not understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over, I am closer to you now, than I ever was before.

And to my very many friends trust God knows what is best, I’m still not far away from you I’m just beyond the crest.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you, and many hills to climb, but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you to: that as give unto the world, the world will give to you.

So if you can help someone who is in sarrow and in pain, then you can say to God ... my day was not in vain.

And now I am contented... that my life was worth while, know as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.

When your walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind, I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it’s time for you to go... from that body to be free, remember your’re not going.... you’re comming here to me.

And I will always love you from that land way up above. We will be in touch soon.

P.S. God Sends His Love

(KindHrtdMale)

I was sent this by a friend and thought I would pass it on

remember when you were pregnant

when you passed on your good news

advice comes in from everywhere

everyone has news for you

well now your child has left you

your child has gone away

advice comes in from everywhere

everyone has news for you

they all know how your feeling

they all know you are blue

they also know you need to move on

and get over this one too

everywhere you go

everywhere around

everyone knows where your at

and where you should be now

advice abounds from everywhere

and everyone is wise

but just how much do they really know

not much as i have found

sorry me again

how do you tell your friends to back off

today my daughter graduates high school

tonight we have a dinner and a presentation

I have spoken at length with her and she knows how awesomely proud I am of her but just am not strong enough to watch her graduate

this seems so wrong and I feel so selfish for not being able to face it

Daniel is meant to be here he is meant to be graduating too

I cannot watch his friends graduate .. I have sat and thought and thought some more and am not sure I can stay strong through the whole night

I spoke to my daughter about it and told her that I dont want to ruin the night for her - she is the most amazing person - I love her soo much she has given me soo much and yet I cannot do this all I have done is cry today - all I can do is think of the waste of a young life when I should be celebrating her achievement

is this soo wrong

I have soo many friends throwing advice at me - telling me how thoughtless I am being

my father should be here celebrating all this with us ..

I just wish people would back off - this is like - I dont know how to describe it grrrr this is soo frustrating

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Lives slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent. But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die.

Their names are written on our lives. The sound of their voices replay within our minds. You may feel they are dead. We feel they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say, " They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.

It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stirs within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could. We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say "their names" for they are alive.

We will meet them again, although in many ways we’ve never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are. Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. They are our children and we love them as we always did. More each day.

PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES

Author unknown

The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes,

but it never fails to bring music to my ears.

If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name.

It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.

Just how much can one person be expected to take

just how many deaths in ones close family can one be expected to take

Just when you think things have slowed back to some kind of normality

wham it lands right back in your face landing like some unseen weight on your chest

comments from well meaning people do not make it any easier

he says: Hi there ... anbody die this week

I say:      Nope

He says: thank god.......one good week in your life! lol

well I do not particualrly find that amusing nor remotely caring

do we as grieving people have to refrain from going near people for fear of putting them in unease

I was told people won't come near me because they don't know what to say .. I do not know which is worse

the being ignored as if I dont exist or the unthoughtful comments

I am really getting to the stage where I really do not know where to turn or what to do with myself

I am not sure how much more I can bear - its over 12 months now .. but today I received a phone call .. asking me to come home as my father has been diagnosed with a virulent form of cancer and he is not expected to last a week - to top it off my father has asked if he can be buried with my son -

I told my father that was fine with me but I wont be going to the funeral - you see I havent been back to my sons grave and not sure I have the strength to go back at the same time as burying my father

the world kind of sucks right now - I really am not sure I have the strength to get back on the roller coaster ride again -

I'm not sure if this is the place for this

but ..

do any of you or have any of you found yourself making decisions on things that you just felt were never going to be your choice ..

I guess acting irrationally and going with the flow

I find myself thinking how Dan would act or what he would want .. and right now is what would make him happy is what i am going with almost acting like a teen again ..

thankyou Janet

another Sunday has passed and another sleepless night endured

have decided this is all too hard .. the countdown has begun .. just dont think I want to do this anymore

everything is too hard .. getting up in the morning to even having a shower the house is a mess .. I just dont want to face another day .. time to stop this for good

Ally

To Laugh often and much .. to win the respect of INTELLIGENT people and the affection of children .. to earn the appreciation of HONEST critics and endure the betrayal of FALSE FRIENDS … to appreciate beauty .. to find the best in others .. to leave the world a bit of a better place .. whether by a healthy child .. a garden patch .. to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived .. This is to have succeeded .. Emerson

its 11.39pm on a sunday night here and once again i dread going to bed .. Sunday nights im beginning to hate .. I have this strange gripping feeling around my chest as if something so heavy is sitting on it .. everyone says time will heal i am not so sure anymore..

I am sending my daughter to my mums as I cannot be there for her .. I am not sure I can be here for me .. I have an extremely good friend who says he wants to be here for me .. but I am not sure I can cope letting someone else in ..

thanks momo that makes sense for me right now keep pushing all my friends away .. hadnt related it to this ..

Hello

Its been a while since I wrote anything in this forum, but your very poiniant entry stirred something in me.

I think grief is a strange battle. Why is it that no one warns you about the incredible mountain to climb when a loved one dies. It takes so long, and even when you feel like you've been handling it OK something else makes you mad or unhappy and you can always trace it back to your loss.

and what do you do when you run out of energy

when you dont want people round you

when you dont want to fight the fight no more

when you just plain and simple want to give up

when you cannot even recall what your son looks like

when the world seems at odds

when what you thought you wanted isnt what you want anymore

its all too damned hard .. can there really be a god who allows such suffering

Last Words

Why do some journeys start? Why do some journeys have to end?

You weren't just my brother, you were my best friend.

My last words to you, were the same as yours back to me,

and I just can't help wondering, if some things are meant to be.

I can't describe the pain, the pain I feel deep inside,

I've tried to see your pain and suffering, and Daniel, and how I've tried.

Mum lived and breathed for you, and you had a very special bond,

but she can't help feeling hurt, she just can't help feeling wronged.

I remember the time when you helped me thru this pain and you said if this happened to you

Id be okay, and maybe you knew me well, but Daniel this time I’m going thru hell.

You didn't know the value of your life, maybe you do now, now that you've gone,

out of you a warmth radiated, out of you, your love brightly shone.

And now all we have left, are your memories, the old times we use to drink together,

and that heart sinking feeling that you get, when you realise that there's no turning back.

And Amy has missed you, I believe you will always regret the last night you had, but clocks, they only go the one way, and the only feeling left is pain.

You are now free of your pain, but not so for those that you've left behind, we're left with the agony of loving you, and at times that logic is hard to find.

You had so many wonderful qualities, in fact, too many to individually list, you were such a good, kind, loving person, and you really are very deeply missed.

You'll be free from the suffering and the pain, but each day knowing that your gone gives me so much pain, because your still here in spirit which isn’t so bad, no matter what anyone says you still remain the best friend I've ever had.

And the message I'd like to pass on,

Daniel was my best friend. When a close person to me died Daniel hugged me n told me that he knew I was strong, much stronger than he was and that id get thru it and he told me if the same thing ever happened to him he knows id get through it!! Daniel knew me really well but obviously not well enough to know that i’m still not handling his death!

I will always love you Daniel!!!

R.I.P Daniel CharleS NoBLe!

HI and thanks Marty

I guess this forum allows me an anonymous outlet which I like ..

not sure if you can answer this but going to ask anyhow, because right now I am still going round in circles.. I am not sure if its normal but when i try and think of my son I find I sometimes can't it can become frustrating, not to a point where I dwell on it but I guess I feel that I am losing touch with him at times. I guess I am lucky in some ways to have a pretty positive outlook on this .. I know the sun will come up tomorrow and the world will continue to thrive

I am still a little torn in that I still dont know what actually killed Dan the man .. his death certificate says death from multiple injuries from being hit by a train.. I am still at times torn by wanting to know he didnt suffer or whether he was layinbg oin the tracks for the 3 hours alive and continually being run over by more trains .. I have so far been able to discount the imaginations but sometimes it becomes hard. Do I really want or need to know .. at times I am so positive that 'yes I do' at other times I dont think I want to I guess its a new kind of roller coaster.

Thanks again

It's coming up to the year anniversary of my grandads death and I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. When he died I cried and cried at the funeral but not much at other times, I don't think I really let it out. I thought and thought about him and his death all the time but also thought that I was ok with it and happy as he's no longer in pain. I think I thought wrong. I think I've bottled it all up and now I don't know what to do. It feels like all my feelings are in a bottle of fizzy pop and now it's being shaken up ready to explode.

I know exactly where you are coming from .. although I havent turned to drink .. but guess I have worked and lived as a normal person .. keeping all the feelings etc hidden away from everyone else ..

and yes its nearly 12 months for me too so guessing this might be a stage that one has to go through .. or soemthing.. butt feeling like everything is welling up inside all of a sudden more powerful than it was earlier in the piece..

the strangest thing happened today I was kind of coping up to now.. well living and breathing and appearing normal on the outside ..

our Australian govenrment in its wisdom is giving out a bonus of $600 to all eligible families for each child in their care.. so as any other parent I took my daughter out this morning to buy her a few extra bits and pieces .. went to the atm and to my surprise there was $1200 in there instead of $600 for one child..

organised what my daughter needed then came home to notify the authorities that they had overpaid me .. thats when I became unravelled .. told by them the other $600 was for my son .. okay this is going to sound crazy but how does getting $600 from your government turn a normally rational human being into a blubbering mess .. have cried so much today more probably than I have in the past .. the feeling of loss is deeper now than it has before and I have no idea why .. the depth of feeling has scared me soo much .. I need and want answers I still cannot get .. I stll really have no idea what actually killed my son ... his death certificate says death from multiple injuries.. I dont know where to go for answers and not really sure I want the answers .. feel like I am back on the damn rollercoaster .. I have friends who want to be there for me but I just cant explain how stupid I feel ..

its like I have suddenly woken up and realised he isnt coming home .. I miss him so much and it hurts so god damn much .. why the hell is there such a waste of life .. nothing seems fair ..

I am not sure I can do this for much longer .. I feel almost robotic .. going through the motions of life .. and yet staying cocconed in a state of numbness .. grrr that doesnt make sense but nothing seems to make sense ..

Ally