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Marsha

I don't have any answers for you but I wanted to you to know that heard you and that I am praying for you as I pray for all of us on this journey together. I've been having some really hard days again at 10+ months and I pour my heart out to God and ask Him to help me. Eventually the pain and tears subside. I don't have any other answer and I don't expect I'm going to get one in this life. I assume we just have to keeping working thru the pain.

Sherry

Kathy,

I've had a lot of those flashbacks myself recently (I found my husband dead in our yard 3 days before Christmas last year). I feel like the progress I thought I'd made is on a downward spiral. My best friend recently told me how proud she is of me for all the things I'v accomplished since Harry died. I've really thought about what she said and yes I've done a lot but not because my heart has been in it. It feels like my heart will never be whole again. I've just kept putting one foot in front of the other like everyone else on this site. I guess I didn't give you any advice but maybe it helps us both to know we are not alone in how we are "doing."

Here is a big hug (((((Kathy))))

Sherry

Ployd,

I wish I had an answer but I have the same questions as you. I go for a week to two at the most when I think I am making progress and then I feel like I am starting all over again. My husband died December 22nd and with the holidays coming and all the firsts these last 10 months it only serves to remind that he will never be here with us again. I love God and I know there is a plan for us to be together again but sometimes it doesn't help when I'm in the moment of wanting him here with me.

Welcome to this site. I for one do not know where I would be if I didn't have this outlet, as well as the friends I've made in a local grief suuport group I attend. The people here are non-judgemental and understanding because they know how you feel.

Sherry

Marty,

Thank you for this article.

Sherry

Teny,

We understand how deep your pain is as we all feel it ourselves. It is our common bond. I am praying for you.

Love,

Sherry

Rosemary,

I love it!!!!

Sherry

Dear Kim,

I think you are just about the same age as my daughter. If someone did something like that to her, I think I would have take him to the dirt!!! Of course he is an A #1 jerk. Do not let that remark get into your head. You are beautiful and someone who deserves you will tell you that again one day.

Hugs,

Sherry

Hi everyone!

Sorry for the explosion last Thursday, although it did help to get it out and I'm trying not to feel guilty but I've been really good at that most of my life.

Instead of striking me dead, God provided a little message the next day. I rode to Bible study with a good friend from my local grief support. She pulled into the parking lot and almost parked a lane from where she eventually did. There was a car parked already on the passenger's side. I got out of the car and when I went to open the back door to retrieve my Bible, I looked down and there was a name tag lying on the ground right next to the rear wheel of the car next to us. The name on the tag was upside down but I immediately recognized the name as the same of the man I had been married to for 42 years and 7 months, "Harry." My heart jumped and I told my friend to come look at what was on the ground. Of course I was very moved. She put her arm around me and said "See Sherry, he is trying to tell you that he's still here with you."

Thank you Harry for love that goes beyond this life and thank you Heavenly Father for never giving up on me.

Thank you to all everyone who read my post and sent me words of support.

Thank you Marty for providing this forum.

Sherry

I sold the truck Harry drove every day to work yesterday. I've been driving it since shortly after he died. I gave my old van to my son. So now I am driving the other truck. The one we used to pull our camper that we planned to "wear out" in our retirement as he kept saying for the months leading up to his retirment date of 1/01/08. Right up until the day I found him laying dead in the back yard on 12/22/07. What's fair about that? Absolutely nothing, yet I am supposed to feel blessed: #1 That he didn't suffer. #2 That he lived to raise his children. #3 That he was happy the day he died. #4 That he didn't have to know that he was going to die. #5 That he was a faithful and loving husband. I could go on and on. Guess what? Today at this very moment it DOESN'T HELP!!!! I miss him and I want him back.

I love God and I know that He is there but just for this moment, IT DOESN'T HELP!!!! There I said said it, maybe if I am lucky He will strike me dead.

Guess you've noticed. I think the anger stage hit me today. Sorry, I just needed to get it out of my system and this is the ONLY place I feel safe in doing that.

Sherry

Kim,

Thanks for sharing that with us. I'm happy that you that felt more than just saddness. I attended a Service of Remembrance in August for my husband because his eyes were donated. I felt more than saddness that day as well. Part of him has given sight to someone. It was a very moving ceremony. We have a camper and had planned to spend our retirement "wearing it out" as he put it. The service was held in a State Park which seemed a very fitting place and it was beautiful day.

Sherry

Teny,

So happy to hear from you. anything we do to try and move forward deserves a big hurrah! My husband died just a little over 9 months ago and I know what you are saying about feeling like you are not a whole person. After 42 years and 7 months of marriage it's hard for me to think I will ever be whole again.

Keep us posted Teny. We are all pulling for you.

Sherry

Kath

You are not being selfish by telling your story. That is one thing I have learned on this journey. Especially at first you need to keep retelling it. I think for me it was absolutely necessary because I was in shock and disbelief. My husband died suddenly in our back yard on December 22nd. He had just been to the doctor 11 days prior and had gotten "a clean bill of health." After 9 plus months, I still sometimes think I will wake up and it will have been a terrible nightmare, but of course that doesn't happen and I start telling the story over again in my mind. Tell your story as many times as you need to especially here. This group is a wonderful support system.

Sherry

Tampa,

I'm glad you found your way to this site. Something positive has happened to you. I can attest to that! I started attending a local grief support group not long after my husband died suddenly last December 22nd. But they only meet 2 times a month. I was in desperate need of more time with others in my situation. I searched the internet and was blessed to find these wonderful people to express my feelings or just "listen" to. I know that you will be blessed as well. I'll be praying for you. I'm so about the passing of your dear Nancy.

Sherry

(((Teny))),

There's a virtual hug for you. I wish you lived closer too so that I could take you with me to the grief support group I attend. It has helped so much just like coming to this grief support group. I will be thinking of you and praying that the new therapy will be just what you need. I'm so sorry you are having such lonliness. I'm praying for you.

Sherry

Kay,

Thank you for that post. Insurance money is something I never wanted to redeem. I would much rather have Harry right here, retired, and enjoying our life together after having worked his behind off since he was a kid. I appreciate your perspective. I do know that he would want me to find happiness as I would have him if things were reversed.

Sherry

Mary Linda,

So glad to hear your Mother made it thru the surgery and that you got a minute to post for everyone. I drove by your house after Bible study tonight but the lights were low and I didn't want to disturb you if you weres resting. I've just been really concerned for you as well as your mom. I've been holding you both in prayer and will continue to do so.

I love you friend,

Sherry

Deborah

Happy Birthday! I guess those precious memories will now become the gifts that keep on giving, keeping our guys alive in our hearts.

Hugs,

Sherry

Kim,

I know the lonliness seems like you can't bear it sometimes. I'm so glad you have come back here to share your feelings. Just reading the posts when I first signed up helped me so much. Just to know others are experiencing similar feelings or the hope I get from reading other posts gets me through some rough days.

I'm so sorry that you had to find your husband and the shock that goes with it. I found my husband in our yard last December 22nd. We didn't know there was anything wrong with him either. I can truly empathize with you. We are all here to encourage one another.

Love,

Sherry

I don't know how many of you are aware that Mary Linda and I are friends who met at our local grief support but God has blessed me with a wonderful friendship in her. I am posting this as she cannot get to a computer right now.

She took her Mother in for a heart cath this morning. She just called to tell me there is a large blood clot in a very dangerous position and they were unable to place a stent. They left the catheter in and have placed her in cardiac care until they can determine if open heart surgery will be her best chance and to see if she will consent.

I told Mary Linda I would post a prayer request for her Mother right away because the situation is imminent. I know you will all include Mary Linda in your prayers as well. We know it is hard enough to be grieving a spouse and now for her to have this added scare.

Thanks everyone!

Sherry

Kim

You are an inspiration! Good for you! It shows what a strong will you have to get keep going under such difficult circumstances. Just one of the trials which have come your way is difficult enough to deal with. I know you can't see this but I am standing at my computer giving you a standing ovation!!!

Hugs,

Sherry

Joe,

September 18th was Harry's birthday, the first without him. I made it through the day and I know you will too. I had my kids for a light supper that evening and we planted some fall mums in the memory garden I started near the spot where he died. It helps me to have a plan for days which were so meaningful in our lives together. I am sending good thoughts your way!

Sherry

Joe,

My heart goes out to you! That must have been awful to find. My sisters and I kept notes about what was happening during my mother's last two weeks as we took care of her in home hospice. At first we thought we'd need to do it to remember when I gave her the last pain shot, etc. but then we just kept jotting down other things that were happening. That was in January 2003. I have never been able to go back and read it. That was my thought, it would just make me relive it and it was bad enough the first time. Besides the memories are in your mind anyway and they seem to have a way of surfacing from time to time.

I said a special prayer for you just now. I hope it helps to know that others are thinking of you and sending virtual hugs your way.

((Sherry))

Walt, Gail and Kay,

I had my first anniversary without Harry last May 22nd. Something happened that day to make me think he was still watching out for me just as he had for the previous 42 years. Since it had been 5 months from the day he died on December 22nd, maybe I was just looking very hard for something that said he was still with me. I have come to realize he will be with me always,in the faces and mannerisms of our children and grandchildren and always in my heart. He was so much fun and that is one of the things I miss the most.

We were all very blessed to have had them in our lives. I sure did feel the love for your spouses in each of your posts.

Sherry

Wendy & Fred,

I'm very happy for you. God works in mysterious ways...we've all heard that a million times. Sometimes it comes to us in sadness and other times in a wonderfully happy way. I'd say you two are very blessed to have found each other. I said a prayer for your future happiness. God bless you as you go forward in this relationship.

Sherry

Kay,

I am sitting here saying a big Amen to that. We sure do grow in the valleys don't we? I have been saturating my life with Bible study and prayer. Sometimes something He says thru my study touches me so much I can't see my Bible through the tears. He is making His love for me so real.

Lyn,

I am so very happy for you. May God bless you in abundance.

Sherry