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Den's Gail

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Posts posted by Den's Gail

  1. Looking For The Positives

    in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other

    Posted

    Hi George,

    I rarely come on here anymore, I’m 11-1/2 years out, but I was reading your post in an email and it hit home. I’m very sorry for your loss.

    I kept my husband’s name on our checks and just put the account in my social security number. The bank told me it was fine to do that. Some utility bills are still in his name too.

    You mentioned her toothbrush above too. Dennis used to brush his teeth in the shower and I still have his toothbrush there next to my shampoo. I have a bottle of his mouthwash in the closet too,

    I’m just seriously thinking about giving away his clothes and keeping samples of each type and giving a half of a closet  to it. I’m still just talking and thinking about it though, but before I couldn’t even think about it without really becoming upset.

    It still seems so difficult to do and yet, I have moved on and have created a nice life for myself. I belong to a number of groups, volunteer for a couple of places and have made a lot of friends through these things and am happy. 

    We lost two children prior to his loss and I still have some things of theirs around too, and even our dog’s things we had for over 19 years. He understood it so I know he’d understand me having difficulty parting with his things. They all just make me feel good. I really don’t think about it much, but the thought of none of those things being here really upsets me.

    I’m very secure in who I am and really believe there is no right or wrong way to grieve, whatever makes us each happy is what’s important. I think some of the best advice I got was to be kind to myself. Be kind to yourself and do what makes you feel good, not what others think you should do.

    All of my best to you.

    Gail

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    • Upvote 1

  8. I Am Disgusted To The Core

    in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other

    Posted

    Dave,

    I am SO sorry this has happened to you. We were broken into when our terminally ill daughter was alive and I felt so violated. I couldn't have understood that without having gone through it. It happened in 1982 but I still look at the door every time I come home.

    I hope they'll be able to recover your things. I can't imagine losing those things too, it's like losing him all over again.

    My heart and prayers are with you...

    Hugs,

    Gail

  9. Scared I Might Have To Get Rid Of My Pets And Feeling So Depressed Abo

    in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other

    Posted

    Hi Lina,

    I haven't posted in quite some time but I've been reading almost all of the posts every day.

    First, please let me say how sorry I am for your loss.

    I want to tell you that I have allergies and have been on allergy shots for 34 years now. I was allergic to our daughter's guinea pigs but they were even able to put them in my shots so hopefully they'll be able to do something for your daughter also.

    I know how difficult it would be to have to give up your pets too. Our dog was truly another family member to us. He was a poodle though and I wasn't allergic to him.

    Keeping you in my prayers...

    Gail

  13. Looking For The Positives

    in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other

    Posted

    We were supposed to get 6" of wet snow and only got one. My neighbor plows my driveway for me but only a straight shot so I usually have to shovel by one side of the garage which is a fairly large area and the stairs, etc. It's going to be 43 degrees by Sunday though so I'm not even going to do that this time.

    I've been starting to sleep off and on now too, still broken and not every night, but it's a start.

    Love, Gail

  16. Six Years Ago Today

    in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other

    Posted

    Hi Deb,

    I completely understand even though it was only four years for me on the 8th of this month. It's still a day at a time but I've learned that it's good that way. We can't go back and we don't even know if we'll have tomorrow. I've come to believe that everything that happens is meant to be, the good and the bad, and that everything is a lesson or a test and it's been helping me. It's definitely not the same, but we are doing it, like it or not. I think Larry and Dennis would really be very proud of us.

    Love, Gail

  18. Helpful Quotes

    in Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other

    Posted

    Dear Mary,

    That is just beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.

    I still have all of his clothes in his drawers and closets and pictures on the refrigerator too. So many things here he made and all of the cards and notes, everything is still here. And we always held hands, always. Our daughter's friends commented on it, even said wish their husbands did it. Forty three years together and it was still amazing.

    What I keep seeing in these posts is that we all had amazing relationships in a world where so many don't. It's hard for me to understand why ours had to end, but I know we're not supposed to make sense out of it in our life time, just have faith and trust.

    It's almost four years for me, coming up at Nov. 8th and in some ways I still haven't faced it. Yes,I know he's not coming back but I have to push him away because otherwise the pain is just still too unbearable. He's always here but when I really start to see him or look at his picture, I literally have to look away because it's still too hard for me to think of him disappearing into thin air. I don't quite understand it myself, it just is. I can so relate to robbing me of breath and stopping my heart. You can only understand it if you experience it.

    Again, thank you.

    Gail

  19. New Forum Requested

    in Living with Loss

    Posted

    I think it sounds good also Marty. It may differ some for those of us with the loss of a spouse though because of the responsibilities we need to do on our own versus other losses. What do you think? Do you think others would mind reading about those things?

    Gail

  24. Saying Goodbye To Beringer

    in Loss of a Pet

    Posted

    Dear Marty,

    I am so sorry for your loss of Beringer. You are in my heart and prayers as you are going through this very difficult time. I know full well the terrible loss because our Toby was also family to us and we were devastated when we lost him and were still grieving him two years later when Dennis died. I'd like to think through our connections that all of "our family" is now together because of us.

    http://www.gratefuln...cfm?l=eng&gi=BT

    I lit a candle for Beringer at www.gratefulness.org and started a new group for him if anyone else would like to light one also under "BT" for "Beringer Tousley."

    Love, Gail

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