JoeA

Thank you leeann and Shauna, for the kind thoughts. Everyone here is so caring and gentle. I'm so glad I found this place. Peace to both of you this week too, and always. - Joe

Shauna - Thank you. You have some good ideas, but the best is the most obvious. I called my daughter and asked her. She said if I am with her that's all she wants or needs. So that's where I'll be (she lives about 400 miles from me now). My son lives close to her, so we will all be together, and we will make it through the weekend. My 60th birthday is the day before Mothers Day this year. Never dreamed I'd spend it without my dearest Kathleen (Kathleen Marie, by the way). The info on your message says you live in Nova Scotia. My wife and I tried twice to take a long vacation there, but her health problems prevented us going in 2004 and again in 2006. I would still like to see NS, but I don't know if I could do it now. Thanks again, Peace, - Joe

Since my wife died 7 weeks ago I've spent all my time over in the group for those who lost a spouse. However, I have two kids - sure they're adults now but they're still hurting - and Mothers Day is coming. I have no idea what to do for them. I know many of you are in the position my kids are in - can anyone help me with this? Thanks, - Joe

Thanks you all once again for the ecouragement. As I said before, I've found a good place here. However, I think I need to clarify one thing. I did not do the Avon Walk, which takes place today (Saturday) and tomorrow. I couldn't be that together so quickly! I just did one day of setup and sign-in work as a volunteer. That was hard enough! I do plan to walk, with my daughter, in the Avon Walk in Charlotte in late October. So, that's my goal, get my act together enough to do that walk in October. Pray for me! - Joe

But only a glimpse. I took a big chance yesterday and spent the day in DC as a volunteer for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It’s a huge event, and because I lost my wife to that disease just 6 weeks ago, it could have been too much. I actually almost bailed but forced myself to go (about 90 minute drive). The day was crazy busy, surrounded by very high-energy people. I made it through, even had moments when I forgot myself and my grief. But then, when the day was done, I suddenly dreaded returning to my big empty house. But, I was OK, slept well, and when I woke this morning, I actually felt good, really good for the first time in a long time. And I didn’t even feel guilty! But before I got through my coffee and morning paper, I dropped through a hidden trap door and BAM – I was once again in pain, big meltdown. I can’t think what precipitated it, but it hit like a hammer. When I woke feeling so good, I thought I would accomplish a lot today, but now it's back to that now-familiar inertia. Can't seem to get organized or motivated. I don’t know, it’s all still a mystery to me. Thanks for listening. - Joe

Caroline – Thank you for sharing. You may feel invisible, but you are not invisible to us. And as for making sense, what you say makes perfect sense. Love is the gift which gives life meaning. What a lovely poem. “All that love could do was done.” Hold on to that. Our lovers are no longer with us physically, but the love in our hearts is as real as it ever was. - Joe

Thank you all for the replies. I think I've found a good place here. For those to whom it might mean something, I offer you my prayers. - Joe

Hello. I’m new here. Six weeks ago I lost my wife of 29 years to cancer. I would just like to know - how can anyone do this? I feel like I’m broken and there aren’t enough pieces left to put me back together. I’m living in a house that we built 27 years ago. There are too many memories. My friends tell me to hang on, that the day will come when those memories will be treasured. Maybe, but right now they just hurt. All I want to talk about is my loss, and by now I think people have heard enough. I participate in conversations, but without feeling, without any real involvement. I feel like I’m stuck in one place and the rest of the world is moving on – there’s a growing gap between me and the rest of the world. I know many many people have been through this and have managed somehow to create a new life for themselves. I just don’t know how. Thanks for letting me vent here. Obviously I’m pretty down right now. I promise to post again if my spirits improve. - Joe