Felt Overwhelmed At Funeral

[aineepooh1]

Hello!

I am very new here as a matter of fact this is my very first experience to the boards.. anyway..Just wanted to ask... did anyone feel overwhelmed at ths funeral with preperation and details.. did anyone feel like NOONE was there to help? I certainly did.. my father died 3 weeks ago and there was noone to help us with the preperations except immediate family(me, my mother, sister n law and brother)... I felt so overwhelmed..I felt like someone ought to offer to help us but noone did!! No relatives stepped forward to help or offer help.. I felt it was a cruel irony.. we just lost my dad and we are SUPPOSED to be allowed to grieve but all we did was run errands, make phone calls, and run on 4-5 hours sleep a night for 4 days.. Where was everyone who was supposed to offer to help??.. what's up with that??[font=Arial

[tara12]

Hello ,

first let me say I am very sorry for your loss... and here is one of the only places you will find that does offer undersatnding and support , sad , but true.

I want to validate youor feelings. all of us , well , most i think , have had this experience and it hurts and is it seems part of what happens with death , god knows why , but it does .

i LOST BOTH MY MUM and DAD very close together and I had to do both funerals and everything involved totalyy alone with absolutely NO HELP AND I mean none at all...... totally alone all of it every detail every part of it for both fuerals , that as u can imagine was devastiting to say the least and exhausting ... and then the heartbreak to know noone , not a soul steeped up to offer a thing , not even a a word of comfort , not even at the fuenral , in fact at the funeral one man who knew my dad , told his brother ( who was totally shattered and is old ) that dad had wanted to give him his car , fancy saying this to his bor at my dads funeral and then another woman , i didn even know , told me i HAD BEEN A BAD GIRL .. AS A KID , HOW IS THAT .... fffff ..... ed up..... anyway , my uncle , my dads bor and his family were sweet , but thats a bout it and they were mostly in their own grief , so not much help , but if not for them , nooone at all cared a shred except for what they may get ........

then home and if it wasnt enough that i HAD HELD MY MUMS HAND AN WATCHED MY MUM DIE AND SO ON, then my dad died and then this was suddenly , so i had to do it all again . ( soory , i got this out of order , ) im back tracking , thats what happened , 2 funerals in 4 mths and then the whole house and therir life and me there alone , cleaning up .. alone in the house alone again.

then home , do u think any friends offered to help NOPE none , SELFISH PRICKS , i HAVE LOST I THINK ALL OF THE SO CALLED FRIEINDS AND YOU KNOW WHAT , who cares , i dont they aint friends thats for sure , just slefish people......

then the will , a huge mess , that was the next blow , my dad left a will he had changed , due to realising 6 yrs agao tow so called friends of theirs were manipulating him to inherit his care ( a expensive antique model ) and so he changed it and made another man his executor , well after mum died , I went and had a look and he didnt have the new copy, so i asked and he calle dhis friend and we asked him to go check to be sure it was all in order ..... well they never did ,( so of course i am hurt bythis and angry ) and as a result , now i find out the solicitor has , lost or something???? the new will and instead of getting back to us and seeing the documents the friend had ( a leeter from my dad making him executor ect0 and the new will 9 a draft as it turns out in the bank with a leeter form the solicitor saying they would do it up ) but obviously didnt or if they did they lost it ) anyway ... so its a mess as then they sent a letter to the people my dad had hadthe falling out with and told them THEY are the executors and they get the car and so forth and worse , THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WILL NOW GO THROUGH THE HOSUE AND TOUCH MY MUMS AND DADS BELONGINGS AND DECIDE ON THINGS.. and they donnt give a damn except WHAT THEY can get .... all of them are dishonest vultures and all of them dont care and i HAVE NO SAY . AND NOW IT HAS TO GO TO COURT AND so more of the estate will be gone to pay dishonest lawyers , it suxs big time and hurts and is so bad ....

so yes , THIS IS MY STORY OR PART OF IT ... AND IF THIS HELPS SHOW U , YOUR EXPERIENCE IS NORMAL i HOPE IT HELPS , SOMEHOW ,TO KNOW YOUR NOT ALONE, and that this is how it happens and it hurts badly . that people can be so cruel and lacking of any care . I am glad at least u had direct family , i dont even have that , except a bro who is evil and all he wants is money and he never helped never even visited my parents in 20 yrs , despite living around the corner ....... so ther eu go .

terrible huh ... and worse by the fact not even the people I THOUGHT CARED CARED A DAMN..........

ANYWAY , we will get thru this , we all will and if nothing else lets hope it teaches us to care and reach out and help others in the future . not to become bitter and angry forever . there are good people , there are , just have to find them and know that the others are ones ot let go of and in the end it is them that realy deserve our sympathy ,c ause they msut be shallow people to act in such ways .

anway , not sure if this helps , but I just want u to know , your not alone and many of us have these experiences and HERE IS WHERE U CAN SHARE And people understand . so use this place , ok .

again I am sorry so sorry for your pain and suffering and loss , try find time to walk and rest , time will heal us. to some extent ...

and also know OUR LOVED ONES LIVE ON IN US.

[aineepooh1]

Tara

FirstThanks for replying!

Second.. let me say..THAT IS SUCH A INCREDIBLY, ROTTEN, STINKING, FRIGGIN' EXPERIENCE for anyone to go through.. especially alone!

I agree with you though that we can grow from these awful experiences and learn how to be a better person.. ie.. being a supportive friend, family member and offering help to others going through this experience.. I am almost ashamed to have complained now because my family does love each deeply and we didn't have any of the drama you had to go through.. again, so sorry BIG HUGS TO YOU!! for surving your headache..

I didn't completely understand everything that happened but if the jist was that the "friends and family" came in and talked your dad into being executor snd now want everything.. I WOULD GIVE ALL THE MONEY TO THE LAWYERS BEFORE I GAVE THEM TO THE GREEDY SELFISH PEOPLE..God, help you.. my heart goes out to you!!

Also, I do believe what comes around goes around.. if they get away with this incredibly selfish act.. watch and see what happens next.. they may getit but they may not get to enjoy it.... karma has a way of evening the score..

[shell]

aineepooh1,

My sympathies to you over your loss.

As Tara explained, we have all been through the shock and hurt of finding out people don't care. It is just incredible. But the general concensus is that we don't need people like that in our lives, but it still hurts and leaves you feeling alone.

I know what you mean about wanting time to grieve and you are expected to go handle all the "legal' stuff right away. Happened to me too. I wanted to scream at people "My Dad just died, I can't even think!" But all this stuff had to be done. Some days I thought I'd just crack into a million pieces, but I managed to do it all, somehow.

Tara, I think you are incredible. I can't believe what happened about your dads will! Hope it works out alright for you.

Hang in there you two, things will get easier,hugs to ya both,

Shell

[tara12]

Hello ,

yes , THE WILL thing hurts a lot and suxs bad. one thng is true the men who are being dishonest , they know that they had a falling out with dad and they know he changed his will and they know that dad appointed another executor . they alos knew he died ( i called them ) and they never came ot the funeral , and in the conversation on the phone ( the day I had been told dad died ) they asked if I knew who the executor was AND I TOLD THEm AND THEY ADMITTED they knew they ahd a falling out with dad , I SAID i know , but I also know there were times when you were close and so I wanted you to know he passed....... i cant belive them now , they would act this way , but AS U SAID , karma will get them in the end ...... and also dad is gone , mum is gone and and they are in my heart , nothing can take that....... AT LEAST i have arranged with my dads brother and his family to drive to go get the remains and keep them at their house till i come back from OS . i will take mums remains there . ( that feels weird )... but at least this way NOONE ELSE can touch them AND at least i have control on this .........

I see a lawyer today , i cant do anythinng at all , its up to the tow so called executors to fight it out about how gets to be the final one and it looks like both parties will do this ( and none of them are even family how weird is that ) and then all has to go to court and then they allget paid and take whatever and I will get ??? who knows . i KNOW DAD WOULD BE FURIOUS .

I also think the lawyers are in this as well , HOW COULD THEY LOSE THE WILL? OF COURSE THEY are not admitting it ? BUT OBVIOUSLY THEY HAD IT? THE DRAFT WAS IN THE BANK WITH A LETTER FORM THEM SAYING THEY WOULD DRAW UP THE CHANGES AND PLACE ON FILE ? SO WHATS WITH THAT ?

ANWAY , i have to let go , let go let go .... and i see this laywer and make my own will and will in that process ask him to represent me and have power of attorney ect , so anythink that happens with it all goes through him andat least we can keep the b.... straight , in terms of accountability of the finanances /

i agree , HOW COME i HAVER TO EVEN DEAL WITH THIS when they had just died , people are MEAN and cold.

but it is how it is.

yesh i am strong , i have to be . i am a lone , if I AM NOT STRONG ,WHTA HAPPENS ? I FALL APART , NOONE CARES , MY LIFE IS MISERY , END????? NAH ...... NO POINT . I WILL FIGHT AND FIGHT for my right to have a good life .

you fight to. dont let it all get to you ..... we all hurt , noone has a corner on pain ,pain is pain , mine is no more than yours , no less than any.......... pain hurts , suffering is human , BUT we can chose to face it and overcome and go deeper in ourslevs , honestly and with compassion ......... thats our only choice ...I choose this.

be well talk soon ,t hanks for listening