One Year Since My Mom Died

[niamh]

hi Shelley,

I've thought about it but for now I don't want to, I don't feel "ready" (whatever ready even means to me). I've had people suggest it so many times to point where it's angered me feeling I'm not stupid, just grieving and trying to process this in my head and I am well aware of counselling being available. We have a family friend who works in hospital and deals with family when people lose their loved ones. She's come talked to me several times since and has told me she thinks it's too soon for me. I guess for now I feel I am doing all I need to do, I am getting out of bed, going to work, doing the best I can in there. I meet friends every so often so I am functioning, I am just so so sad doing it all....I feel I'm grieving not only for my Dad but for all of me that I lost with him so it's like learning to do everything all over again, even though I'm a grown adult.

I definitely won't rule it out and say I will never go. It recently struck me that while I can talk about my grief, it's more the consequences of it I can talk about (just some of the irrational things I find, nervous being around groups of people, nervous doing some things in work etc ...all real basic "normal" things that suddenly take so much effort) but the real true feelings of what it means to me not having my Dad around, I can only write about. So I write an awuful lot, I guess it doesn't matter how you get it out as long as you don't bottle it up.

I don't think there are any groups where in my city/country. I've checked online and seen a ton of things for kids losing parents, vice versa, widows, widowers, miscarriages and so on but no groups for an adult losing a parent. Maybe it's just not online and maybe someday I'll check it out more.

For now I guess this forum is my lifeline to others who are as lost as I am

thats my 2 cents, hope you are having a good day

hugs

niamh

[STARKISS]

Hi Niamh, I think that you have to be ready to go for it to help, I was in a totally helpless situation... My mom died and I grieved quietly because my siblings told me not to cry or grieve infront of my dad... When he died four months later I felt like an orphan and my siblings and I were never close after my mom died so I had no one else to help me... The grief ate me up inside so much that I could not do anything... I went online and found out about our local hospice and started communication with the grief department and than went to the support group... but I had no one who I could talk with because my family did not want to talk about them at all and I need ed too.. SHelley