My Mom Just Passed, She Was Too Young

[christine]

Three months ago my mom was diagnosed with pancreas cancer that had spread to the bone. My sisters, aunt and myself took care of her 24 hours a day since then, we watched her suffer and weaken and now she's gone. I'm 27 and have two younger sisters and my dad, they were married for 30 years and very happy. My mom was only 48 and I feel so cheated. We were told she only had months but somehow I don't think I really accepted it. I do thank God for giving us Christmas with mom, we did have some very special times over the past month. Now that she's gone I feel so alone and afraid, I don't know how I'm supposed to live and what does getting back to normal really mean? I don't think there is any such thing as normal anymore.

She really was my best friend and I could count on her for anything. It seems my sisters are dealing with it better than me, maybe because they have boyfriends. The few close friends I have seem to be pulling away because I don't think they know what to say or how to act. My aunt and I had a really bad email war because tensions had been building, she said some horrible things to me. I'm so afraid that I will not be able to function normally ever again, how am I supposed to go back to work and be productive and cheerful? Everyone says that I should go back to work right away, but I don't know if that is the right decision for me, can anyone help me with this? Well if anything, there is some comfort in knowing that someone may read this and know what I'm going through, because honestly before this happened to my family I had never given this type of thing any thought, life was just going great for us.

[Penny]

Christine, I am sorry about your Mom. You have some very difficult times ahead of you. Do only what YOU think you can do...and forget about what everyone else says. What is right for one person is not right for everyone. Grief is a very long, exhausting and complicated process. It is very individualized. While we all share the feelings of loss....not everyone reacts or responds in the same manner in the same time frame.

Regarding your job....I felt the same way. I went back to work too soon. My Mom's funeral was on Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2003 and I went back to work the following Monday. I tried to work full time that first week back but simply couldn't do it. I decided to work half days the rest of the week.

It has been a little over 3 months and I am still lost. It has gotten a little easier....but not much. The pain is still very real.

Please take care of yourself....and know that people do care.