Having Trouble Continuing With Grief

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I am writing this post to explain that I am having trouble with finishing with my grief. I see a counsellor every two weeks and I have no real friends left and my family seems to be over the pain of lossing my parents. I do not know what to do I am still upset and I do not know what is happening to me. I have good days and than there are bad ones. I do not have anyone near by to talk to about this. I just wish I could get a hug sometime when I need one and some true understanding about what I am going through. The people on this website are truly amazing but without that personal touch I do not know if I can keep my grief journey going.............. Shelley

[Paul S]

Hi shelley,

I am basically in the same situation as you. I have few real friends, (up close and personal, you know, in my area) and my family seems to have gotten past the death of my Mom. Of course the latter is a guess as they don't speak to me much, but there has been some admission on the part of the few of them that Mom's death hasn't hit them as it did me. Of course I lived with her and took care of her but they seem to disregard the value of that.

I am the only one going thru grief counseling (every 2 weeks also, altho I might be stopping that in another session or two) and in-person support groups. And there is this wonderful board.

I do not know what you mean by 'finishing with my grief'. I don't think we ever finish with our grief. At my support group on Tuesday nite someone said (the counselor, I think) that grief is never over, but it does ease up. I think that means that the incapacitating pain and overt emotions diminish to the point where we seem to behave normally like everybody else. We still have the loss, it is just that it no longer dominates and rules our lives.

There is no timetable for that. Are you worrying too much about what others think, that you "haven't gotten over it yet?" How has your sister and husband been towards you? If they're OK, then just relish the fact that you live with a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old and you can be a kid again (remember the second childhood we said we were gonna have?).

Just continue to work with your counselor and listen to what he/she says and continue to read and post here. You'll get thru it, but do not despair. You've got a double whammy of losing 2 parents within a short space of time and now you've got the anniversaries to deal with. You've got a double dose to handle and cope. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Take care. With reagards to a hug, you can always try what shell taught us a few months ago, give yourself a hug and imagine its ALL of us squooshing you.

[STARKISS]

Thank you so very much Paul S,

I now realize how important it is to be a part of something like this I would probably be worst off than I am... I think that we are pretty lucky to have people like you to write too... You are a very kind and supportive person and I thank you for helping me when I really need it and if there is anything I can do for you please ask Shelley