Numb

[YELLOWBALLOON]

.?

[LoriS.]

I definately think that feeling numb is a feeling. It isn't a pleasant one either. When I was first going through the grieving process, I slept a lot and didn't really want to do anything else. I felt very numb. I started to get better VERY slowly, than my doctor and I decided to switch medications. I wasn't looking to heal my grief so quickly, I just wanted to stay awake and be a person again! I was just such a huge mess even with therapy.

I felt better at first, than we kept upping the dose to get a so called "theraputic effect". Talk about numb...I was completely neither here nor there. I felt I was just existing without emotion. I have slowly since lessoned the dosage and am on a very minimal dose that I feel MUCH better. If you're on any medications, make sure that they aren't the culprit for making you feel numb. It's not a fun place to be. And if you aren't on any medications, I hope that by coming here and letting out your feelings is a good start for you.

I feel so bad for your story. Your grief is so profound as all of ours are. It's just that some of us are in different places and times with ours. We each have our own journey and hopefully we will learn a new "normal" without forgetting our loved ones, which would NEVER happen...don't worry! (I think you mentioned that you didn't want to let go because it meant that you would "be over it" or somehow disrespect your parents.)

Try reading Martys article on Disloyalty. It is very enlightning!

Hugs to you, Linda

Lori

[YELLOWBALLOON]

THANK YOU LORIS , EVERYONE HERE HAS BEEN SO KIND

I AM TRYING TO TAKE ON BOARD ALL THE POSITIVE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN SAID, AND I AM CLICKING ON THE NUMEROUS LINKS THAT PEOPLE HAVE SUGGESTED MIGHT HELP.

NO I AM NOT ON MEDICATION .I DO NOT WANT TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD AS MANY YEARS AGO FOR A TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASON I WAS ON MEDS AND HATED WHAT IT DID TO ME SO I AM AFRAID TO GO THERE, MY DOCTOR REFERRED ME TO A GRIEF COUNCELOR WHO I SAW FOR MAYBE 2 SESSIONS BUT I FOUND THE WOMAN PATRONISING AND SHE BASICALLY SAID HOW EASIER IT WAS FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS OLDER!! AND TO IMAGINE HOW YOUNGER PEOPLE WOULD FEEL AND THAT WOULD SURELY MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.......... I DONT THINK I EVER QUITE UNDERSTAOOD WHERE SHE WAS GOING WITH THAT ....... AND I GUESS I DIDNT STAY AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT. MAYBE I WAS ANGRY , I DONT KNOW I JUST KNOW THAT AT THIS MOMENT I FEEL ISOLATED IN MY GRIEF. I HAVE A WONDERFUL PARTNER AND A WONDERFUL FAMILY WHO WOULD BE MORTIFIED IF THEY KNEW HOW I WAS REALLY FEELING , SO I PAINT THE PICTURE OF BEING OK BUT I DON`T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN.

I WANT TO RUN AWAY, JUST GO.............. DONT KNOW WHERE, THE ONLY THING THAT STOPS ME IS I COULDN`T PUT MY FAMILY THROUGH THAT WORRY, THEY DON`T DESERVE IT . THEY HAVE BEEN SO GOOD AND SUPPORTIVE.........

I READ MY POSTS AND REALISE I RAMBLE ON AND ON........ I READ OTHER PEOPLES POSTS, SO SAD AND KNOW I AM NOT ON MY OWN , THAT SO MANY PEOPLE ARE HAVING TO DEAL WITH THEIR OWN GRIEF AND EMOTIONAL JOURNEYS........ IT JUST SEEMS TO MAKE WE AWARE OF ALL THE SADNESS IN OUR WORLD AND HOW GRIEF...... SOUL BITING BOTTOMLESS PIT GRIEF IS THE PRICE WE PAY FOR LOVING SOMEONE