Just Want Someone To Talk To.......

[feeling-lost]

My dad passed away in December last year - 9 days before Christmas & my 24th birthday. He was killed in a work accident, so it was so sudden and the most unexpected and shocking thing to have ever happened to my family. I was at my boyfriend & brothers christmas party (they worked together) when we got the call. It happened in Queensland (we live in Victoria), and it took them 5 days to get him back to Vic so that we could see him. None of us let it sink in that he was really gone until we actually saw him. The it hit home that it was all real.

Its been over 7 months now & its getting harder for me to cope with him being gone. I still keep thinking that its all a bad dream, and that one of these days i'm going to wake up and he'll be here.

People say that over time things get easier....... but i'm finding that over time, my pain just gets stronger and it hurts so much more now, than it did when it happened. I don't talk to my family or partner about this, because i don't want people to worry about me - i don't want to be a burden on people.

i guess i'm a pretty closed book when it comes to talking about my feelings with people i know - i would rather talk to a stranger about this stuff - i guess because i know that they won't need to worry about me later.

My girlfriends dad passed away on the weekend, and his funeral is in 3 days. i don't want to go - but i know i have to. i'm just so scared that i'm going to break down and feel exactly how i did when it was my own dad. I'm scared im going to go straight back to the beginning of the pain........ i just don't seem to be getting any better with all this.

Another thing is - my brother and his wife found out that they were expecting their 1st baby the day before my dad was killed..... and they are due in less than 2 weeks. it will be my dads 1st grandchild, and all he ever wanted was grandkids. i just hate the thought that he never got to experience what he really wanted - i feel guilty that i never gave him any.....

I miss my dad so much, and i just feel like this pain is never going to go away.........