Mkwaa's Progress

[waabzy]

Well it has been 11 days now since my beloved Nvwati has been gone. It feels like 11 years in so many ways. Never did I know it was possible to cry so many tears and still have any fluid left in our bodies.

I mostly followed my gut with Mkwaa. I speak with her about Nvwati, mentioning his name daily. At first her little ears would perk up and she would look around as if he would come strolling in any moment but now she seems to know he is gone forever. Still I whisper in her ear daily , telling her how very special she is to me and how we now need to carry each other through our grief.

She still frantically paces our home looking for her brother but seems to figure out sooner now that she wont find him here. Mostly she lays on my bed, the last spot Nvwati lay before that fateful trip to the Animal Hospital.

Both Nvwati and Mkwaa had their own teddy bears. Ironically they only chose their own to go to bed with at night. Never had Mkwaa even tried to claim his, and not because he would have been nasty about it........Nvwati was such a gentle spirit that he wouldnt have minded at all.

Strange how since Nvwati has been gone Mkwaa sleeps with his teddy bear now. I even took her out and bought her a new one but I guess she can smell him on it and prefers this one. This is ok.

She has also claimed Nvwati's bandana and everyone tells her how very beautiful she is in it too!

Its a day at a time thing, this healing process.

Miigwetch (Thank you!) Nvwati for being such an important part of our lives, our family, our protector for so long. We love and miss you dearly.

[Maylissa]

Amber,

The early days are so particularly hard and we all understand the acute pain you're sitting in. It is good to let those tears flow, even though that can feel so draining and strenuous. Grief is really hard on the body as well as on the heart and mind. It's either buckets of tears or confusing numbness, neither of which feels welcome. But we don't really have much choice when our hearts are so broken. It has to come out, one way or another and tears are one of the most healing ways.

Mkwaa is so lucky to have you there to help him with his own grief. You're doing a very loving thing, giving him the message every day that speaks to the hope and goal of getting through both of your losses. (I would have appreciated the same myself! at home, but didn't really get that) Have you tried sending Mkwaa mental pictures of where Nvwati is now and why she had to leave so suddenly?

Mkwaa's new possession of Nvwati's bear and bandana is no different, really, than how we humans cling to our loved one's pictures and other personal items, so it's good that he has something of hers to hold on to now. The poor, lost soul...my heart breaks as much for him as it does for you!

It's doubly hard for us, as the parents of our babies, to watch the heartbreak in them, on top of our own feelings of being so bereft. But one day in the distance, I hope you'll be able to see and feel the beauty and preciousness of how you and Mkwaa braved this storm together, stood by each other and came out the other side that much closer.

This is what happened between me and Nissa, after her brother Sabin transitioned. It took quite awhile, though, for all of that to unfold completely, as my heart was SO raw for so long, I couldn't connect with my girl from within my heart as fully as usual. So you're right....one day, or even one moment at a time, is the most we're capable of during the acute spirals of bereavement.

You and Mkwaa both loved and still love Nvwati so very much and share that close bond with her, as you always will. You'll slog through this as well as each of you can. Hold each other close - you'll never regret what that will create.

And OH! Your new angel-picture of Nvwati is stunning!! I've seen many picture signatures of people's furkids, but yours is the best one yet!! However did you DO that, with the wings moving????

[waabzy]

Hi. well its been 2 weeks now since our Nvwati has left. he is now in his beautiful urn on top of the fireplace along with the paw print memorial the Vet made for us.

Mkwaa continues to be what is now diagnosed as clinically depressed. She wont eat, wont play. Just continues to look everywhere for Nwati.

I am afraid I will lose her to a broken heart.

I was put in contact with a man who needs to find an immediate home for his 9 year old dog, well behaved, neutered, excellent health ,etc.

Without an immediate ( in a week) forever home this dog will end up in a shelter or a rescue. So I called him and we spoke at length. Towards the end of the conversation I ask this guy what breed this dog is. He tells me a red and white siberian husky with one blue eye and one green eye. My Nvwati was a siberian husky/timber wolf with two blue eyes.

Talk about coincidence! LOL or was it Nvwati telling me something? I am seriously considering. He agreed to bring this dog to visit for a day to see how it goes.

RE:

And OH! Your new angel-picture of Nvwati is stunning!! I've seen many picture signatures of people's furkids, but yours is the best one yet!! However did you DO that, with the wings moving????

Yes this was made for me from someone at dogster. Anyone who has a free account there can have angel wings made free for thir babies.

[Corinne]

Waabzy,

I think that is wonderful. I believe that may be what you and Mkwaa may need to help ease your pain and what a wonderful home this other dog would have. Let us know how the visit goes.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[waabzy]

And OH! Your new angel-picture of Nvwati is stunning!! I've seen many picture signatures of people's furkids, but yours is the best one yet!! However did you DO that, with the wings moving????

LOL thats because my Nvwati WAS stunning!! But as beautiful as he was he had THE gentlest and kindest spirit as well. THAT I get to keep.

Corinne I dont know if it will ease my pain at all but I am so hoping and praying this is what Mkwaa needs. I KNOW I wont look at this dog and THINK of my Nvwati or expect this dog to do the things Nvwati did or to have the bond with him that Nvwati and I shared. I KNOW THIS but I am open to giving this guy a chance of a home that is loving and where his needs will be more than cared for. Mkwaa will fall in love with him as I am sure I will too - in time.

Its as though my Nvwati is laughing up at Rainbow Bridge .... saying "Here you two go, deal with this!"

And we will