Sherry And Daisy

[Rena]

I lost my caat Daisy to pancreatic cancer this past November and 6 months later I suddenly lost my younger cat and Daisy's companion Sherry. She was withdrawn and stopped sleeping with me after Daisy died. They were both heart cats and slept with my husband and I every night while my other 6 cats slept downstairs. Sherry was depressed and wouldn't eat at first then a few months later she swelled up and began eating a lot. I thought that the stress over Daisy had caused her to get fat (she was on the small side). I had heard so much about overweight pets and health problems that I began pulling her bowl away when I thought she was eating too fast. Sherry was actually not overweight but full of fluid because her kidneys were failing and she could not absorb protein anymore and that was why she was eating so fast toward the end. She died in pain convulsing in front of me and I rushed to the hospital where she had to be put to sleep. My older cat has CRF but he is doing well 4 years after being diagnosed. Another cat is being treated for hypothyroidism for 2 years and on top of all this the two oldest were hospitalized over the holidays because of an unknown virus but they recovered. I wonder if poor Sherry just got discaded amongst all the stress and high vet bills and if I was just in denial about what was going on with her. The guilt is eating me alive and I can't bear it.

[leeann]

((((((((((((Rena)))))))))))))

Oh that must have been so hard for you. And so sudden!

Of course you would think that Sherry was ok. Just maybe a bit sad over the loss of her companion Daisy. She was younger for one. And yes we humans sometimes eat to relieve stress etc. So why wouldn't you think that?

Maybe, in the 'grand plan' (whatever that is), she just needed to be Daisy. And now she is.

Blaming yourself will not accomplish much but more pain I think. So I wouldn't linger there for long..

What you are feeling is extremely common however so you are in good complany.

Marty posted a link to an article called

"Loss and the Burden of Guilt" for one of our other memembers that was feeling like you.

Here take a read and maybe it will help you too.

Just click here for it:

http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-a...en-of-guilt.htm

I am so sorry for your dual losses of your Daisy and Sherry. Please keep us posted on how you are faring.

leeann

[goddessinsecta]

Dear Rena--

I am so very, very sorry for you and the pain you are in. It will take time and getting rid of that toxic guilt before you will feel better. I am a nurse, and we were taught in nursing school that it takes two full years to mourn an immediate family member--sometimes more, sometimes a little less, but not often! Be patient and kind to yourself. Those babies loved you and you loved them. End of story. You have done nothing wrong, my dear. Everything you did for them was out of love.

And I want to tell you something else. You said your cat died in pain and convulsing. Our seventeen year-old cat, Fanchon H'sa had a huge, three-minute seizure the night she died--we were going at 9AM the next day to our beloved Dr. Sherry and Dr. Angela to euthanize her, but didn't quite make it, so it was Kitty ER for us. My husband was in total anguish during her seizure, but I was not. Why? Seizures don't hurt and they don't cause pain. How do I know?

I had one myself in 2001. So I know.

Please know that animals and humans can make LOTS of noise while all this thrashing is going on--sometimes it sounds like they are possessed! This can make a witness think they are in agony--they are most assuredly not! The seizure is followed by a stage called the "post-ictal stage", in which the person/animal goes into a deep sleep for awhile--up to 2 hours. This is when we brought Fanchon in--she was groggy, but not hurting, and very peaceful. The reason we brought her in right away if she wasn't hurting during a seizure and was sleepy afterward--and didn't wait for morning? Sometimes another seizure can follow that becomes a series of continuous seizures, called "status epilepticus", and I sure as hell didn't want to try getting her into a cage while she was seizing and acting like a rabid demon!

I wish I could take away all your pain--that takes time and personal effort from you--but I hope you will feel better about the info I shared with you in this message.

I am in mourning, too. We all are here. And this is a good place to come to, because if anyone understands, it's this group. May blessings, healing, and new joys await you soon--

Margaret

[Elizabeth A.]

Dear Rena,

I can see exactly why you assumed Sherry might have been suffering from grief, that happens all the time, and to tote her off to the vet to pay more money just to hear that she missed Daisy would have been a blow to your check book, and one to your heart for there was no way to make her "feel better". Which is what we as pet owners, parents, and even as kind hearted humans want to do. We want to make it better. You were thinking time would heal Daisy and it didn't. That doesn't make it your fault. I agree with leeann that Sherry needed Daisy. Both of my grandparents passed away within a year of each other, and sometimes love like that does lead to the death of both.

Also Goddessinsecta, thank you very much for sharing your knowledge and your story. It soothes my soul now, and I know it will ease worries of the loved ones I share that information with in the future. Thank you. I am sorry for your loss, truly I am, but sometimes, like in cases like this one sharing of yourself can help others. Rena take Goddessinsecta's words to heart they were gained in love and pain, and were shared to seek to help you.