Helping Aleutia

[rainbowbridge]

Dear Aleutia, Mom and Dad told me the preacher put me on the prayer list today. I haven't been to church since you were killed. i found out he has cancer so i took him a painting of the crucifiction. he liked ot so much he cried. i told him about my troubles over grieving for you and my thoughts about it. Unfortunately, i think about it a lot but but it hasn't done much to quell my desire to be with you. I love you so much everytime i reach out for you my hand gets slapped back. I know that it can be taken more than one way, but my anger over "who did it " jumps up and feeling the failure i feel of not being able to protect you covers my entire world. Ive joined this pet grieving forum to help get over you leaving me. I like it a lot and the people are really helpful and friendly but the pain i feel is so intense i just dont know how to put it into words. Everytime something bad happened, you were there and i think i got addicted to you in that way. I have to admit your the best addiction i ever had! I still want to hold you badly and tell you all thats happened since you were killed. I dont know what to say or do to stop this overwhelming pain to be with you. Ive reached out in every direction i know of but it seems like the pain is getting bigger. i wonder if this is like taking a band-aid off of a wound and im just now feeling just how strong i really do love you. I guess only time will tell if i can overcome your loss or not. Im not really sure if i want to. All i know is that i pray every night that God will take my life and give it to the preacher and then i can be with you. Either way i will find you and only hell and all its demons can stop me. Until i know more, know that i love you with every atom i have and i will meet you at the bridge. I love you so much, you'll always be " mamas little girl!" Love, Christy